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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DP

120 replies

Nemma96 · 20/08/2020 19:45

About 4 weeks ago I got into a routine with DP doing alternative days bathing our LB due to an argument about him never doing anything for our LB. This gave me 7 minutes a day to myaelf as this is how long it takes him to bath our LB

So the last week I've bathed him for 6 days because DP was trying to get into a sleeping pattern but kept falling sleep in the day and waking after bath time. So tonight he's bathed our LB then brought him into me and said "oh I've not done his buttons up and my backs fucking killing me now".

I'm really pissed off as he hasnt bathed him in a week and not done anything at all with him but then moans about his back and does a half hearted job of even getting him ready.

7 minutes to myself I dont think is a lot to ask for. Getting so annoyed being basically a single parent and him moaning when he does so very little...

OP posts:
KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 20/08/2020 19:55

Why is he sleeping all day, does he work nights?

Mmsnet101 · 20/08/2020 19:58

You aren't asking too much and you know you aren't. How old is your little one? Have they bonded /DP been in his sole care ever?

MaskingForIt · 20/08/2020 20:00

Sounds like he’s checked out of parenting because he knows you’ll pick up his slack.

If you were to say your back was hurting and couldn’t do it, he wouldn’t bother either. He knows you won’t see your child suffer and he doesn’t care.

june2007 · 20/08/2020 20:08

Well my husband has sleep and back issues they are real so I would not belittle them. But sounds like he needs to do more parenting.

Original poster
Nemma96 · 20/08/2020 20:12

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit- no he doesn't work he just has a shit sleeping pattern and it changes all the time, he was trying to get in a sleeping pattern so we could go to the park as a family. Took 7 days to get to the park.

@Mmsnet101- my LB is 7 months next week, I wouldnt really say they've binded as he doesnt really spend much time with him, hes only had sole custody once for about 20 minute when I had a GP appointment late in the even, other then that my LB comes everywhere with me.

@MaskingForIt- I know hes checking out of parenting but I dont know how to get him to do more. He dont know anything about our LB as I just do everything. Giving a bath is not too much to ask i dont think as I do all day and nights.

How can I get him to do more for our LB.

OP posts:
ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 20/08/2020 21:11

The sleep issue sounds a bit odd - has he seen a GP? Not being able to stay awake to go to the park for a 7 day period isn’t normal

Nibor1991 · 20/08/2020 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Nemma96 · 20/08/2020 21:16

I know back and sleep issue are real, ive have bad back pains.

Yes he has spoke with a GO and was given tablets to help him sleep in the night, but he will not take them.

He sleeps fine throughout the day and can sleep upto 12 hours, but because he sleeps through the day he stays awake all night. For the past 2 nights hes slept from about 6 till 3-4ish so been awake during the day.

Hes said were going park tomorrow but appears like hes going to be awake all night so don't think its going to happen

OP posts:
ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 20/08/2020 21:18

Why is he sleeping all day? It’s no wonder he can’t sleep at night if he’s sleeping for 12hours in the day. I’d be really concerned and try and get him back to the GP

Original poster
Nemma96 · 20/08/2020 21:19

@Nibor1991 I know he doesnt need bathing everyday we have just got into that routine.

Normally is he baths him ill tidy and sort the dishes but when i bath him he doesnt do anything, he says he cant wash dishes so just puts them in the sink for me to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nemma96 · 20/08/2020 21:21

@ForTheLoveOfCatFood hes sleeping all day because hes playing games with his mates or watching YouTube all night. I try and get him to go to the GP but he wont go, he asked me to call but then cancels every appointment I make for him. If I could go speak to the GP myself I would because that would be easier

OP posts:
blubberball · 20/08/2020 21:22

What's he doing when he's awake all night?

To be honest, he sounds like my exh. You can't make him care. I kept thinking that he'd grow up/change. He never did.

Things all came to a head with my marriage when I became very ill myself, and could no longer pick up his slack. When I needed help and support, he did not step up.

SuzieCarmichael · 20/08/2020 21:23

So he doesn’t work and he’s not pulling his weight at home? What was it that attracted you to this pearl of a man, OP?

Nicknacky · 20/08/2020 21:23

Why doesn’t he work?

Nibor1991 · 20/08/2020 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blubberball · 20/08/2020 21:24

Just seen your updates. Just so that you know, he won't ever change. You will be doing everything always, and he will sit on his arse. Stick around if you're happy with living with 1 extra man child.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 20/08/2020 21:25

OP, can you tell me three positive things he brings to the life of you and your baby?

conduitoffortune · 20/08/2020 21:27

He can't wash dishes, can't go to the park once in a whole week, can't do buttons...what is the actual point of him? What a shit existence OP, waiting a week for him to be bothered going to a park.

premiumshoes · 20/08/2020 21:30

Are you going back to work? He would have to take a bit of responsibility then.

As an aside, your 7 month old doesn't need a bath every day. You are making work that isn't necessary.

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 20/08/2020 21:31

Bloody hell OP he sounds like as much use as a chocolate tea pot, get rid.

Feminist10101 · 20/08/2020 21:31

but I dont know how to get him to do more. He dont know anything about our LB as I just do everything. Giving a bath is not too much to ask i dont think as I do all day and nights.

How can I get him to do more for our LB.

Book hotel for evening. Get up in morning, leave (alone). Go to hotel. Have lovely evening/night. Spend day exploring. Go home in the evening.

36 hours of sole care ought to do it.

Original poster
Nemma96 · 20/08/2020 21:33

He doesnt work as he says hes too depressed to work. Before we had our LB we use to do things together and he said all the right things before he was born. Even at the birth he was very supportive but as soon as he was born everything changed tbh.

He says he cant do the dishes properly so he might aswell leave them for me. He did say he would wash and put bottles in the steriliser to make things easier on me but I'm still waiting for this to happen.

I just wish he would want to do things to help and to spend time with our LB but I dont see this happening

OP posts:
IndieTara · 20/08/2020 21:34

OP he doesn't need a GP or sleeping tablets. He needs to stop gaming all night, step up and take some responsibility as a parent and partner.

Pinkflipflop85 · 20/08/2020 21:34

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Why are you with such a waste of space?

Nicknacky · 20/08/2020 21:35

Are you on maternity leave?

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