Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to spend Christmas day with only DH and our kids

146 replies

Lasvegas · 04/10/2007 12:31

DH and I don't want to invite PIL over on Christmas day. We don't get to spend enough time with our children and just fancy a year when it is just the 5 of us. If other people are there the dynamics change and I would prefer playing with the kids and their new toys than catering for another 2 people. Is it ok to put ourselves first? Likely in years to come as PIL age we will end up 'looking after' them on Christmas Day so while they are healthy and mobile I want to relax my way.

OP posts:
Libra · 04/10/2007 13:14

I agree with the 'invite a stranger for Christmas' idea.
DH spent several years when younger abroad at his overseas university at Christmas time, so now we always invite any waif and stray postgraduate that either of us have for Christmas day.
It's nice, makes sure we are all nice to each other, and gives me an appreciative audience for my cooking. They always tell us about how Christmas or equivalent is celebrated in their country, which the children enjoy, and will always help out with the washing up.
We enjoy it and you feel a warm glow of charitableness as well!

lilolilmanchester · 04/10/2007 14:10

Completely your choice. Make the decision that is right for you, stick to it, and don't feel guilty about it.
That said, I used to wish we could have Christmas on our own, now we only have one parent left between us and I'm glad we had them with us when they were fit and well enough to enjoy their time with us and the children. But didn't say that to make you feel guilty, just to give you another way of thinking of it. How about having them over on Christmas Eve/Boxing Day?

Eddas · 04/10/2007 14:26

YANBU, we have decided the same this year. But if anyone wants to visit boxing day or maybe in the evening on christmas day they'll be welcome. But I'm not driving anywhere(always me as dh would have a drink)

But this is the plan atm, haven't told any rellies yet, except my sister(no kids) but she's decided the same and wants it to be just her and her boyf.

Vikkin · 04/10/2007 14:29

Never leave the house on Xmas day although I have some family for lunch from 12.00 to 6.00 then chuck them out. Been doing the same for 13 years now. Suits us.
Always try to get the kids something that takes them into the garden or onto the street for a while, just to blow the cobwebs away.

Vikkin · 04/10/2007 14:30

Just to clarify - when I say I have some family for lunch, I don't mean that literally. Although some ILs could do with being chucked on a barbeque.

CountessDracula · 04/10/2007 14:32

I would look at it from you dc's point of view

Christmas is essentially for children (unless you are religious of course)

What did you like as a child? Personally I would have hated not having extended family and friends around at xmas, it was always a time for coming together and having fun as a group. I spent most weekends with my parents, I liked xmas being different.

MorticiasMother · 04/10/2007 14:41

We did this last year. I was fed up of spending 2 weeks at the in-laws over Chrimbo, helping his mum to cook, clean etc whilst all her children enjoyed themselves. I felt like bleeding Cinderella! But as no-one else was helping her I kinda felt obliged. Plus I felt awful asking to go out Christmas Day night and leave her babysitting, even though she wasn't going anywhere. I felt as though I were taking her for granted (or I was made to feel that way).

So last year, as we had our own place, I decided that we would have my sister and her family over on Christmas Eve for their dinner and spend Christmas Day here with the children, then go over to the in-laws on Boxing Day.

BUT, my sister, her dh and the 3 kids that came were all squashed into our tiny house, there was really no room for them all. Their car broke down on the way back and they had to call the AA, waited an hour beside the cold, dark and wet motorway to be rescued! Christmas Day the kids and dh complained of being bored most of the day. I must admit, once the presents were open there wasn't a lot else to do. All the pubs were booked up with meals and it just felt like any other weekend.

So this Christmas I think we'll be back at the in-laws and I'll just have to accept my role as Cinders for the sake of the kids. After all, I've had my Christmasses, now it's time to let them have theirs.

FluffyMummy123 · 04/10/2007 14:41

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 04/10/2007 14:42

Message withdrawn

CountessDracula · 04/10/2007 14:43

we have 12 or 14 at ours this year
some years we go to PILs and some years to my parents
This year have the lot at ours

MorticiasMother · 04/10/2007 14:43

If I were the OP however, I would try and work out a compromise. Are there no other siblings who could care for him this Christmas? Or perhaps have him for half a day? How about you have him for his Christmas Dinner and drop him off late afternoon so that you still get a few hours in the morning and early evening to spend with the children.

FluffyMummy123 · 04/10/2007 14:43

Message withdrawn

WaynettaVonBlood · 04/10/2007 14:44

I wanted to do this a few years ago, and was really nervous about braoching it with both my paretns and the in-laws......I eventually plucked up courage to tell them, and they both responded with "you must do Christmas how you want to do it, now that you have a family" so, we do Christmas and St Stephen's (Boxing) Day on our own, and then family on the 27th. and it's bliss.

Kewcumber · 04/10/2007 14:44

How will you feel when your DC's announce that don't want to around for Xmas day? That they just want to spend it with their family. Suddenly you are not close family any more - very sad day.

portonovo · 04/10/2007 14:45

We only ever have us for Christmas day, it's our day. We were determined never to get sucked into that 'we'll go here one year, there the next, then it's our turn' scenario.

We do often meet up with relatives for a walk Christmas afternoon, that's lovely. And we go to others for meals or have people over several of the days between Christmas Eve and New Year, so we get to spend lots of time with relatives.

Kewcumber · 04/10/2007 14:46

"when they don't want you around"

strangely I find myself 100% in agreemetn with cod...

TellusMater · 04/10/2007 14:47

The amount I cook for christmas dinner I could manage at least 6 unexpected guests TBH. And then feed them for the rest of the holiday.

We had no-one over for Christmas Day last year and it was a bit . CD is right - all my christmas memories involve lots of people.
Will be back up to full force this year...

FluffyMummy123 · 04/10/2007 14:47

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 04/10/2007 14:48

Message withdrawn

CountessDracula · 04/10/2007 14:49

christmas lunch is a piece of piss though

Just a roast essentially

MIL brings starter
My mum brings Xmas Cake and pud

I do a roast

It take very little effort and everyone pitches in to clear up!

portonovo · 04/10/2007 14:51

I would encourage my own children to do just what they wanted to when they are adults too. I'm not saying we won't ever feel a twinge of regret that times change, but that's what having children and seeing them grow up is about. I want them to be happy and independent and for their future partners and children to be the most important things to them.

To me, Christmas is about far more than just one day anyway, so as long as I can celebrate with relatives for some of that Christmas period, I would never be offended if any of my children didn't want to spend the day with me.

The OP is right too - in later years many people spend most Christmasses with their parents or inlaws because the latter are too old or frail to 'do' Christmas themselves, or have no-one else to spend it with. It's not selfish to want time with your own children while you can. After all, there's still Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, New Year's Day etc - make one or more of those special days for the extended family. Works for us.

TellusMater · 04/10/2007 14:51

It's easy CD. I just cook loads. Leftovers is part of Christmas for me .

MorticiasMother · 04/10/2007 14:52

True but when you know that it's all up to you on Christmas Day it can get very exhausting.

For instance. My mother-in-law has all her family round, 7 children plus their partners and around 12 grandchildren, not to mention cousins, aunts, uncles etc. They come in droves on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. She cooks for them all, putting on a buffet in the afternoon and a meal in the evening.

Not one of her children helps her. In fact one of her daughters even brings guests unannounced and then wonders why her mum seems to get upset!

Usually we are there and I spend most of Christmas Day helping her to cook, lay out the table, clean, serve drinks etc whilst everyone else just enjoys themselves. Dh does his bit too, but then he gets caught up in the whole extended family thing and I'm often left in the kitchen on mi tod.

So there is being full of goodwill and there is having the piss royally taken out of you.

However if you only have a couple to cater for then you should stop being so bloody selfish and make their Christmas special. You've had your Christmasses.

TellusMater · 04/10/2007 14:53

I don't see how having two extra people leaves you spending less time with your children though.

But then I like big dos...

Kewcumber · 04/10/2007 14:53

we split lunch up too. All of the adults have to buy and/or cook something from the list.

I love big Christmas's. We only do one day (ie Xmas day) so its not like most people can't get along for 6-8 hours.

Swipe left for the next trending thread