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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to spend Christmas day with only DH and our kids

146 replies

Lasvegas · 04/10/2007 12:31

DH and I don't want to invite PIL over on Christmas day. We don't get to spend enough time with our children and just fancy a year when it is just the 5 of us. If other people are there the dynamics change and I would prefer playing with the kids and their new toys than catering for another 2 people. Is it ok to put ourselves first? Likely in years to come as PIL age we will end up 'looking after' them on Christmas Day so while they are healthy and mobile I want to relax my way.

OP posts:

scattyspice · 04/10/2007 12:33

You do what you want to.

I personally hate to exclude people at Xmas and my kids love having a houseful.

nospeak · 04/10/2007 12:33

YANBU. You are right the dynamics do change, do what you want to do whilst you still can.

SueBarooeeooeeooooo · 04/10/2007 12:35

Not unreasonable at all. Invite them over for Boxing day, or maybe something nice on Christmas Eve. Too much stress over family politics by far at Christmas.

ChipButty · 04/10/2007 12:35

We have done this for the past 2 years and it is wonderful. We have family over on Boxing Day. You go for it!

bellaprincess · 04/10/2007 12:36

No you are not being unreasonable. DP and I made a pact last year that from now on all yes all our christmases are at home and we will see family on boxing day. The only exception is my Mum this year because she is on her own and cannot fly to america this year so she is comming to stay with us this year.
christmas is a time for children to run downstairs open pressies and stay in their pyjamas all day if need be. Plus I have a lovely day without having to listen to relatives!!!

mumblechum · 04/10/2007 12:37

We almost never have any rellies at Christmas, as they all live between 300 and 500 miles away.

I like Christmas with just the three of us, there's absolutely no hassle.

We usually do the duty rounds of visits (flying and hiring a car) a week or two before Xmas.

claricebeansmum · 04/10/2007 12:38

No you are not.

We had "the" Christmas conversation last night. I want it to be the 4 of us on our own in our own home doing what we want to do. Do not want to spend it with any extended family. They are all loopy.

elliott · 04/10/2007 12:38

Do they have another option? Are they likely to feel upset and excluded? If your DH is their only child, then I think it is a bit unkind not to include them in christmas celebrations. If DH has siblings, then the best solution would probably be to alternate with them.

maisemor · 04/10/2007 12:39

You are definately not unreasonable. Enjoy.

hana · 04/10/2007 12:40

my fil spends most Christmas holidays with us - he looks forward to it, something different for him , he gets away from his own home for a few days. Things are different when he is there, but I woulnd't dream of asking/suggesting to dh that we don't have him for Christmas.

BandofMutantMonsters · 04/10/2007 12:41

Invite them on Boxing Day.

fruitful · 04/10/2007 12:42

Nah, totally reasonable, love doing that myself.

Also looking forward (a long long way forward) to the day when dh and I will have a Christmas day all by ourselves and our kids will be doing their own thing too!

Dh, on the other hand, cannot understand why you wouldn't want to have 60 people to lunch on Christmas day. And indeed every day...

NAB3 · 04/10/2007 12:42

Our kids are 6, 4 and 2 and we have been together for 11 years. Last year was the first Christmas day we had spent on our own and it was the best one in the whole of my life!! Doing the same this year. Saw PIL and BIL on Boxing Day and will again this year. I did feel a bit guilty that they wouldn't see the kids on Christmas Day but decided to put us first for once. Definitely do it. Tell them you will get together on * day rather than you aren't going to see them on Christmas Day.

sparkybabe · 04/10/2007 12:42

Both our mothers are alons so we feel really guilty if they don't come over, what normally happens is we have 1 one year and the other the next. Then the one we haven't had over (still following me?) we see at new year. We don't actually get any family time at all.

hana · 04/10/2007 12:43

fruitful, I think that's a bit sad

NAB3 · 04/10/2007 12:44

sparkbabe why not have both mother's together on the day? Give them someone of their own age to talk too.

Hulababy · 04/10/2007 12:45

YANBU.

Thi is exactly what me and DH do. Have done since we moved in together, as we knew we wanted it to be like that when we had children. Christmas Day is for me, Dh and DD as a family - the one day in the year that it is just us and not having to think about anyone else. DH and I have a champagne breakfast, DD plays all day - we do what we want all day.

Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, New Years Eve and the days between are all days we do things with family and friends - andd big style too.

BandofMutantMonsters · 04/10/2007 12:45

DH loves xmas with my family. His were not big on it once they hit the teens. Until he was with us 5 yrs ago and we had the dd's he was a bacon buttie in his pj's all day, ALONE
My family do the all of the kids and mum, get together for dinner and games, I love it.
I guess I have the residue of xmas being about me and my siblings and have extended it to include my dd's too. DH thinks it's great but does go thru a bit of a Bah Humbug moment before hand.

chocchipcookie · 04/10/2007 12:46

So are you saying the mothers would be alone on Christmas Day if they don't come to you?

sparkybabe · 04/10/2007 12:47

My mum lives 120 miles away and won't drive that far, so we would have to collect her. Also she would have to stay over, which she wouldn't like. Plus both dm's are only happy when they're moaning ....It's supposed to be a happy time after all.One at a time is OK

Hulababy · 04/10/2007 12:47

Oh and PILs don't mind even though I know this year BIL & SIL will be in Australia, and grandma is in hospital - so will be them and probably MIL's dad. And my parents are heppy about it too.

nailpolish · 04/10/2007 12:47

i have spent xmas day all alone - THREE times
let me tell you, its the worst thing ever EVER

dont leave anyone on their own over xmas, please

elliott · 04/10/2007 12:49

sparkybabe we are similar, but it is the fathers who are alone. Dh is an only so nowhere else for his dad to go. Plus brother's wife is the only option for her parents. So none of us is in a position to choose to have just the family, even if we alternate with each other - it would mean somebody's elderly parents sitting at home alone which is rather sad and selfish.

however, before we had kids and my parents were younger and fitter we didn't really think twice about having christmas on our own and leavign them to it - different proposition entirely I think.

MaryBleedinShelley · 04/10/2007 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 04/10/2007 12:49

Our big family day is mainly Boxing Day. Bpth my parents, PILs and any borthers/sisters who are about come over for the afternoon and evening. I make food that can be dipped into throughout - nig casseroles, and crusty bread last year - yum. And we drink and chat, and DD gets loads of attention. Works really well.

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