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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to spend Christmas day with only DH and our kids

146 replies

Lasvegas · 04/10/2007 12:31

DH and I don't want to invite PIL over on Christmas day. We don't get to spend enough time with our children and just fancy a year when it is just the 5 of us. If other people are there the dynamics change and I would prefer playing with the kids and their new toys than catering for another 2 people. Is it ok to put ourselves first? Likely in years to come as PIL age we will end up 'looking after' them on Christmas Day so while they are healthy and mobile I want to relax my way.

OP posts:
oatcake · 04/10/2007 12:50

Another hijack, trying to get NailPolish...

NP - I've been trying to track you down for a few days!

But also, NP, they won't be on their own as there're two PIL...

Suggest alternating your christmases. Parents can die at the drop of a hat and then it's too late to invite them... Sorry, personal experience...

sparkybabe · 04/10/2007 12:51

Last year we (DH) invited a work colleague for the duration - he is chinese and couldn't get home, so he came to us and i was great - he taught the kids some chinese and was really appreciative of the cooking (!) we did have MIL over too.

DumbledoresGirl · 04/10/2007 12:51

Good grief. Am I the only person here who still goes "home" for Christmas? Since the age of 5/6 when we stopped going to my grandparents house for Christmas and started having them to ours instead, I have never spent Christmas anywhere but my parents' house and I am 42!

In a way, dh and I would like to have Christmas in our own home now, but only when we have had it extended and can accommodate my parents to stay with us.

nailpolish · 04/10/2007 12:51

hi oatcake

tibsy · 04/10/2007 12:52

YANBU
we have always spent christmas day at home alone, just the 3 of us (4 of us as from last year ) we then spend christmas eve with my parents and boxing day with pil. we all have what we want then

Original poster
Lasvegas · 04/10/2007 12:52

ELLIOTT, DH is only child. He finds his parents anoying and has never been close. We would only invite them out of what we think is standard behaviour not that we want to see them.

OP posts:
BandofMutantMonsters · 04/10/2007 12:53

DG, I do. Well now we are grown with kids we take it in turns so mum isn't invaded every year, altho she is off work this year so she is doing it again. Should have been my turn so yaaaaaaaaaay

MaryBleedinShelley · 04/10/2007 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elliott · 04/10/2007 12:53

personally, I don't get this 'its our one and only day together' argument - surely you can choose a special just family day some other day, why make it Christmas day when those who are left out are likely to feel much more lonely - its not like they will have loads of other options apart from family ones after all?
I'd love christmas day just us four together. But, it ain't gonna happen until our fathers are dead. And then I will wish they were with us.

MaryBleedinShelley · 04/10/2007 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparkybabe · 04/10/2007 12:54

My house was in the middle of a big extension last christmas, I had half a kitchen, a tiny old gas cooker and the guest bedroom (DS2 chucked out and into DS3's room) had no carpet or wallpapaer. Dining room was lacking lights and wallpaper, and all the christmas tableware was missing, presumed lost. Chineseman still very polite about it all!

mrsmerton · 04/10/2007 12:57

Anyone else dreading Christmas and all the political malarkey that goes with it?

My dh has already told me off for moaning about it.

I would love a family Christamas where I didn't feel 'obliged ' to do a certain thing.

This is Ebenezer Scrooge, signing off.x

elliott · 04/10/2007 12:57

LAsvegas, do they want to see you? or would they (really) be happy doing their own thing? How old are they?
I sympathise, I find my FIL irritating and would happily minimise the time I spend with him. But I don't really see a way round it - he would literally be sitting on his own feeling sorry for himself, and I don't want to be responsible for that!

DumbledoresGirl · 04/10/2007 12:58

sparklybabe, there is something nice about having a stranger for Christmas. I remember years and years ago, my dad had an Iraqi colleague who could not get home for Christmas. He came to us on Boxing Day and he was such a laugh. We are normally a very enclosed family unit, not ones for entertaining outside the family at Christmas, but the year he was with us was brilliant.

Well done you for having someone into your house at Christmas. I agree that it is awful to think of anyone sitting alone on Christmas Day who does not want to be alone.

Caroline1852 · 04/10/2007 12:58

In 23 years I have only ever had one Christmas without a mother in law present (ex MIL for 19 years (one christmas she went to her daughter's) and present MIL for last 4. Is there something wrong with me do you think?

MaryBleedinShelley · 04/10/2007 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lasvegas · 04/10/2007 13:00

We only get to see eldest two kids alternate years as they live with their mum. Next time we have the eldest with us, it will be teenage time and he will just want to txt his friends etc!

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 04/10/2007 13:00

my sister decided she wanted to do this a few years ago. SHe absolutely hated it and hasn't done it since. She said it was just like an ordinary Sundy but with presents.

sparkybabe · 04/10/2007 13:01

Dumbledore - the chinese dont really celebrate christmas (any more than the Iraqis do!) and I think he saw it as a bit of english life that he would not be able to see otherwise. We've been invited to peking too! Shin dan kwy leur everyone. ( Happy christmas)

Kathyis6incheshigh · 04/10/2007 13:02

DG - we have a good thing going where we go to my parents and my MIL comes too! My mum does all the heavy Xmas catering (which she claims to enjoy) and MIL and parents have a lovely time reminiscing about their northern working class childhoods. Fortunately the two grandmothers resist the temptation to grandparent competitively.

tortoiseSHELL · 04/10/2007 13:02

I do think christmas is a time for ALL the family - I'm really sad that we can't ever see my parents or dh's on Christmas day - we live 300 miles away and both have to work Christmas morning every year, so can't really travel to either of them without totally wrecking the day for the kids. They won't come to us.

I also feel quite bad that when I phone up my parents they are always having a 'quiet' day, with a 'small' turkey, (my db goes home, but it's just him). For me, Christmas is all about having a full house, different dynamics of people, lots of food, chaos, laughter.

We always try and fill our house with friends, and it feels really weird when it's just us!

Hulababy · 04/10/2007 13:02

MaryBleedinShelley - oops - that was a typo for Big casserole

And why can't Christmas Day be that one special day at home alone?

I don't want to drag DD out on Christmas Day, away from her presents.

DH and I want to enjoy a drink on Christtmas Day together, we don't want to be driving around.

I don't want to be stuck in the kitchen cooking and making some big fancy dinner - not on Christmas Day, I want to be in the living room on the floor with DD opening presents, and playing.

Dh doesn't want to spend the afternoon washing and clearing away after dinner. he wants to be playing with DD, and vegging out.

Before DD, DH and I spent Christmas Day together on our own. It was lovely!

If and when we find a parent left on their own, then yes - plans will no doubt change. But at present my parents and PILs are fit and well, and happy with the arrangements. They probably don't want to be diving back and forth et al too!

Original poster
Lasvegas · 04/10/2007 13:03

Elliott, PIL havn't asked to see us or invited us to them. It is months away though, but I have 2 kids birthdays in december so always start planning early.

OP posts:
Lucycat · 04/10/2007 13:03

elliott - I totally agree that Christmas Day is a family day, parents, grandparents (if you are lucky enough to still have them around) are part of your family and if at all possible then everyone shoud be included.
We have 14 for Christmas day every year, sadly only 13 this year, and yes althoughby 6pm I'm desperate to sit down and have a large g&t - my dd's love having everyone here.
Then again we are very lucky in that all the family who come round live close enough to go home at the end of the day
It means far more to my parents and pil etc to spend Christmas day with their grandchildren than it does me to spend it on our own.

as the years go on the numbers will inevitably get smaller.....

ChippyMinton · 04/10/2007 13:14

DH and I had Christmas on our own once, when we thought the DC had chicken pox and no-one wanted to see us! It was fun but not the same...

We do like to stay at home, though, and to make this happen, I cook lunch for whoever wants to join us - usually SIL, BIL, MIL & her husband, and my parents. The last two years my parents have had two meals, lunch with us and dinner at my sister's. Not sure if they are trying to treat everyone fairly or are just greedy LOL.

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