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Original poster

A 'nice' way to tell someone to SD?

140 replies

BBCONEANDTWO · 20/08/2020 12:36

So was just in a cafe. You had to queue up in an orderly line. The bit where they were selling drinks was more or less empty and I saw this woman who had already been seated come over and get in that queue. Then a man who had gone back to collect his full English joined his wife who was in the drinks queue.

The wife went over to the other bit to pay and the man turned round to the other woman, put his hands in front of himself and loudly told her to 'move back you're in my space, social distance'.

I was down visiting the town for the day and was pretty shocked at how aggressive he was. The woman stepped backwards and said sorry. I just wondered though is there a better way to tell someone you're in their space.

I think we need to be kind to people and I felt sorry or the woman and a few people in the queue rolled their eyes up at the guy. I was also thinking if the woman had been a big strapping man he might not have been as aggressive in the first place.

I just thought if I was in her place I'd have felt upset. I don't know how I would address this. I have seen people in shops telling people off I they touch something and put it back and it amazes me. Everyone was wearing masks until they got to their table.

OP posts:
minicat · 20/08/2020 12:37

So she feels upset. Sometimes it’s ok for people to be upset. I think what he said sounds fine...

Wheresthebiffer2 · 20/08/2020 12:40

I'd have been upset if I were her. But the thing is we're all having to quickly find new social conventions. You're right - people are unsure what is the "correct" or "nice" way to do this, and so people sometimes get it wrong. We are agreeing that this man got it wrong. But until the new normal social conventions settle down, unfortunately we're all in for a few uncomfortable social interactions. I don't know either what the best way is to do it. A gentle, "do you mind giving us a bit more space?" with a smile (under your face covering lol) might be one way.

Timeforabiscuit · 20/08/2020 12:40

Nice doesn't work, people just drift right back literally 4 seconds later - you have to be extremely assertive (to the point of aggressive) as you've lost half your ability to communicate with the face mask.

Butchyrestingface · 20/08/2020 12:43

I was also thinking if the woman had been a big strapping man he might not have been as aggressive in the first place.

Yup. Esp as he's the one who inserted himself in the queue.

Sirzy · 20/08/2020 12:43

Sounds like the cafe needs a better ordering system at the moment.

It’s hard to say without knowing tone obviously but he doesn’t sound like he was rude. Too many people seem to be forgetting about the need to distance at the moment

Original poster
BBCONEANDTWO · 20/08/2020 12:47

@Sirzy

Sounds like the cafe needs a better ordering system at the moment.

It’s hard to say without knowing tone obviously but he doesn’t sound like he was rude. Too many people seem to be forgetting about the need to distance at the moment

He raised his voice and put out his hands - his tone was pretty scary actually. I'm wondering if he was a shielded person out for the first time or something.
OP posts:
updownroundandround · 20/08/2020 12:53

I'm with you.

I was queueing to go into a shop, standing at proper distance of 2m but the woman behind me kept moving closer and closer to me. There were painted lines on the ground to let customers know the 2m distance.
I'd casually looked at her a couple of times (to give her the hint), but she just stared back. When she got to closer than 1m to me I had to say 'excuse me, can you move back to the line please?'
All I got back was a HUGE eye roll then a torrent of abuse.Shock

WTF was I supposed to do ?

Original poster
BBCONEANDTWO · 20/08/2020 12:55

@Butchyrestingface

I was also thinking if the woman had been a big strapping man he might not have been as aggressive in the first place.

Yup. Esp as he's the one who inserted himself in the queue.

Yes I think that was the problem the woman didn't know he was going to jump in there with his full English. Difficult one.
OP posts:
contrmary · 20/08/2020 13:00

If the man cut in the line to join his wife, and this was the reason that the woman behind was too close, she should have said in a louder voice "if you hadn't fucking pushed in, I wouldn't be so close, you stupid cunt."

If the woman was already encroaching on the space of the person in front before the man joined, then it's her own fault.

lyralalala · 20/08/2020 13:01

If he inserted himself into the space then had a go at the woman then he's a rude prick.

Sirzy · 20/08/2020 13:01

From what the op said he swapped places with his wife.

lljkk · 20/08/2020 13:01

I'm pretty direct (my culture is direct). a simple "Do you mind stepping back a bit?" is how we'd do it when polite.

This meme was on my social media a lot.

Loopylala7 · 20/08/2020 13:03

It’s soo tricky. My Uncle got told off for standing on the dots at his local shop, he was meant to stand between them. My poor mother then heard about this and so thought oh that’s what I should do, so the next time she was out she stood inbetween the dots. She was told very rudely that couldn’t she understand there was a pandemic and she needed to stand on the dots provided. She was mortified as she is a massive rule follower and also she needs to shield.

I have no idea how you overcome it? Everyone has their own interpretation of what’s right.

I had my hair done the other day, first time and the hairdresser was telling me how she thought masks were a whole load of rubbish and she didn’t believe in them, whilst I was wearing mine to try and be a good citizen. Made me feel really uncomfortable

petrocellihouse · 20/08/2020 13:04

@updownroundandround Horrid isn't it? I was the same as you paying for fuel. Man behind me wasn't taking any notice of the marked gaps and was shuffling further and further forward, then leaned right across me to grab a packet of sweets! I did the classic British glare but to no effect. Where I live masks are not yet compulsory in shops, although I wear one. In some ways, I can cope with the distancing inside shops as I take a trolly and use it as a sort of weapon, so if anyone gets too close, I can zing it around. I think I'd be quite good come the zombie apocalypse. Grin

ForeverBubblegum · 20/08/2020 13:09

I'm a chicken when it comes to confronting people, I just remind my toddler (quite loudly) to stay back from them, and hope they take the hint. Obviously not practical for those without toddlers to kidnap one and keep them with them for this purpose.

zingally · 20/08/2020 13:10

I don't think it's wrong to ask, if you want a bit more space. But there's a way to do it.

In the supermarket last week, I'd put my stuff on the belt and was waiting at the end for the woman ahead of me to finish paying and leave.
Then another woman came and stood right behind me. I turned and said something like "would you mind giving me a bit more space please?" She just shrugged and moved back. It doesn't need to be a big ho-hah, but it's a new social interaction to get used to, which some people haven't mastered yet.

ItsIslandTime · 20/08/2020 13:18

It’s not hard to ask politely. “Would you Mind stepping back a bit, I’m trying to social distance, thanks”

If they carry on ignoring then that’s the time to be assertive

The man in cafe sounds like a rude and nasty man.

Confrontayshunme · 20/08/2020 13:20

I went to our local water park on my birthday, and I had to tell EVERY person who queued behind us to please stand 2 metres away. The kids and teenagers moved but there were half a dozen men who got really arsey when I said "2 metres please" and pointed to the really obvious floor markings. But if you hold eye contact with people, they tend to move eventually. The one bloke that didn't, I just said to DH loudly "I've had two kids and my bladder is feeling dodgy, so I'd move if I were you." Man moved like I was on fire.Wink

Rockbird · 20/08/2020 13:20

It's not hard to ask politely but IME politely doesn't work if they haven't got the sense to keep their distance in the first place. I've had it with people carrying on as if it's not their problem.

AiryFairyArtyFarty · 20/08/2020 13:25

Everybody knows that we should be SD by now so I really don't have a problem telling them to move away

GabsAlot · 20/08/2020 13:27

im not sure what happened but if he jumped in the queue where was she supposed to go

ive seen it happen where people just have to stand right on top of one another i dont get it evedn if everything wa snormal youre not go9in g to get served any quicker whther its 2 metres or up someones arse

loobyloo1234 · 20/08/2020 13:28

'move back you're in my space, social distance'.

It’s hard to say without knowing tone obviously but he doesn’t sound like he was rude.

Confused

That sounds rude to me. I'd have been upset aswell. Does he not know how to say please? Twat

Jayaywhynot · 20/08/2020 13:28

I struggle to say anything, in town last week queuing to get in a shop and two young girls were so close I could practically feel their breath on the back of my neck.
Popped into my office the other day, needed to go to our other office on the other side of the train station ( I work in Rail) cut through the train station, no barriers, and an employee catches up to me wanting to see my train ticket, I explain who I work for and that I was cutting through from one office to the other and he actually pulled me by my arm to move me, unacceptable in normal circumstances let alone when we're SDing. I still didnt say anything, maybe I need to grow a pair.

Requinblanc · 20/08/2020 13:31

Why on earth would a grown person have to be reminded to social distance in the first place though?

I think the guy was right to just be blunt about it.

Frankly it happens to me every time I go out at this stage to have someone (usually mask-less) in the street, shop, queue who just invades my space...

Yesterday I stopped to have a quick lunch and purposely chose a small table in a corner outside on the restaurant huge terrace space to have some peace and quiet. There were plenty of empty, large tables dotted around the place yet a loud family of 5 decided to cram themselves next to me on small table....

To me that is just an example of complete stupidity.

Original poster
BBCONEANDTWO · 20/08/2020 13:35

@Requinblanc

Why on earth would a grown person have to be reminded to social distance in the first place though?

I think the guy was right to just be blunt about it.

Frankly it happens to me every time I go out at this stage to have someone (usually mask-less) in the street, shop, queue who just invades my space...

Yesterday I stopped to have a quick lunch and purposely chose a small table in a corner outside on the restaurant huge terrace space to have some peace and quiet. There were plenty of empty, large tables dotted around the place yet a loud family of 5 decided to cram themselves next to me on small table....

To me that is just an example of complete stupidity.

Did you say anything to them?
OP posts: