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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A 'nice' way to tell someone to SD?

140 replies

BBCONEANDTWO · 20/08/2020 12:36

So was just in a cafe. You had to queue up in an orderly line. The bit where they were selling drinks was more or less empty and I saw this woman who had already been seated come over and get in that queue. Then a man who had gone back to collect his full English joined his wife who was in the drinks queue.

The wife went over to the other bit to pay and the man turned round to the other woman, put his hands in front of himself and loudly told her to 'move back you're in my space, social distance'.

I was down visiting the town for the day and was pretty shocked at how aggressive he was. The woman stepped backwards and said sorry. I just wondered though is there a better way to tell someone you're in their space.

I think we need to be kind to people and I felt sorry or the woman and a few people in the queue rolled their eyes up at the guy. I was also thinking if the woman had been a big strapping man he might not have been as aggressive in the first place.

I just thought if I was in her place I'd have felt upset. I don't know how I would address this. I have seen people in shops telling people off I they touch something and put it back and it amazes me. Everyone was wearing masks until they got to their table.

OP posts:
Funguy · 20/08/2020 16:07

If people come too close to me, I walk off. Mostly'You are too close.' because actually everyone knows the rule.
I am quite annoyed with some carers though, out with their unmasked clients.
They really do need to ensure their clients/family members socially distance. One maskless girl just pushed past me because really she was not being guided.
I was not very happy and said 'too close'.
However, the deed was done by then.
I worked with people with learning difficulties and tbh it was hard encouraging hygiene at the best of times.
I have every sympathy, but also I am in the high risk category.
I also asked a woman to observe the two to a lift rule but she got in a proper snit and took it personally.
This is the trouble, people taking it personally.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 20/08/2020 16:10

Most people have idea what two metres looks like

AlecTrevelyan006 · 20/08/2020 16:11

No idea

HopefulHopper · 20/08/2020 16:12

I cough terribly and look as ill as I can.

Hasn’t failed to make anyone back off yet and I don’t even have to be rude Grin

ilovesooty · 20/08/2020 16:15

@lifeafter50

People who are terrified of others being near them should just stay at home. This whole thing is giving bullies snd thugs purchase.
Ridiculous. Nothing bullying about expecting considerate behaviour.
Therollockingrogue · 20/08/2020 16:15

Cough and talk loudly about last week when you had corona .

Sirzy · 20/08/2020 16:16

@AlecTrevelyan006

Most people have idea what two metres looks like
Probably true 6 months ago. I think most people have much more idea on that one now. Too many people just don’t make the effort
Kazzyhoward · 20/08/2020 16:17

@lifeafter50

People who are terrified of others being near them should just stay at home. This whole thing is giving bullies snd thugs purchase.
What a stupid comment.

The rules are clear - people should SD. 2 Metres or 1 metre plus.

The pillocks who are incapable of following such a simple rule are the ones who should stay at home.

AiryFairyArtyFarty · 20/08/2020 16:20

@lifeafter50

People who are terrified of others being near them should just stay at home. This whole thing is giving bullies snd thugs purchase.
Don't be ridiculous, people should follow the guidelines then nothing would need to be said
ilovesooty · 20/08/2020 16:22

@Therollockingrogue

Cough and talk loudly about last week when you had corona .
Isn't it much easier just to politely ask people to keep their distance?
itsgettingweird · 20/08/2020 16:27

Tbf ive stopped saying it nicely.

I don't give a shit of people agree or disagree believe in Covid or don't.

Guidance is to SD and any normal human being will respect society and do that.

The ones I'm most blunt with are the ones who literally hang on top of me - I tell them straight that behaviour wouldn't even be acceptable pre covid!

No one would expect a polite reply or response if they got too close in a car. That was never acceptable and we shouldn't accept it physically either.

I'd cringe for the person who cannot act as a decent member of society not the person speaking up.

Kazzyhoward · 20/08/2020 16:40

This is the trouble, people taking it personally.

That's the trouble with modern society as a whole - people are incapable of taking criticism, take it as a personal insult and react badly as a result. Moreso when they know they're in the wrong and try pathetically to justify their actions, i.e. the usual stupid comments like "it's all a hoax", "I've got a disability", and the classic "I was 2 metres" when in fact they were barely 2 inches! So many people think that saying something makes it true!

Aridane · 20/08/2020 16:40

People who are terrified of others being near them should just stay at home.
This whole thing is giving bullies snd thugs purchase.

What a stupid comment.

The rules are clear - people should SD. 2 Metres or 1 metre plus.

The pillocks who are incapable of following such a simple rule are the ones who should stay at home.

👏✔️

WhatamessIgotinto · 20/08/2020 16:55

There's nothing wrong with someone asking nicely. Someone did it to me the other day when I inadvertently got a bit close in a queue.

She just said, 'do you mind moving back a bit you're a bit close' and smiled. I apologised and moved back.

There is something a whole lot of wrong with being an aggressive dick about it.

WhatamessIgotinto · 20/08/2020 16:58

@lifeafter50

People who are terrified of others being near them should just stay at home. This whole thing is giving bullies snd thugs purchase.
Why do you object to sticking to the recommended guidelines? How does it affect you to stand 2 metres away from someone? I don't understand this at all, why do some people think it's such a big deal? It really isn't. But then I hate people hanging around me anyway, there's really no need to be standing very close to someone on most occasions.
Shelby1981 · 20/08/2020 16:58

We had it in a park - there's a bridge over a stream, only wide enough for single file. It's only maybe 2m long. We were walking across it with my 4 year old, so not that fast but not super slow either.

2 older ladies jogged up behind me (the kind of jogging that's slower than walking) one got up behind me so close she was almost touching and said "it's ok, I'll wait!!" I was so surprised I just said "SOCIAL DISTANCING PLEASE!" She looked completely shocked but did back off.

The 4 year old is often useful for situations like this as he will loudly say "WHY ARE THEY GETTING SO CLOSE TO US" and I can loudly reply "I don't know, maybe they don't understand the rules"

Langsdestiny · 20/08/2020 17:04

I am just agog that people are unable to do this. It's not like they are being asked not to bloody eat or fight for their country they are being asked to stand a little further away from people. Standing closer to people brings you no benefit whatsoever.

TheLazyToad · 20/08/2020 17:05

I was shopping recently, and had just unloaded my shopping onto the conveyor belt, and was standing well away from the person in front of me (who was paying). There were notices everywhere explaining the system, and clear floor markings Another woman came and stood right next to me and was clearly going to put her shopping out too, rather than waiting on the designated markings.

I nicely asked her if she would mind standing back, she asked me why. I just said that I felt it was important to keep to the 2m distancing as much as possible. She still asked me why. I had to explain that we were still in the middle of a pandemic. It is frustrating.

I am not aggressive, but it is so hard when yet another person leans in front of you to reach something from the shelf, or sidles up to you in queues. I've often moved myself, and just said, "I'm trying to social distance". Some people are just oblivious though.

LioneIRichTea · 20/08/2020 17:06

I was also thinking if the woman had been a big strapping man he might not have been as aggressive in the first place.

Definitely this OP

Happyheartlovelife · 20/08/2020 17:13

This drives me crazy.

I've got a condition. Sadly. That will likely kill me in the next few years. Corona would kill me off earlier

I've already got precious time left and I'd rather spend that time as wisely as I can. So people getting in my space which potentially could do it faster really saddens me

People don't realise that by standing next to someone who is highly vulnerable and they just think they are dramatic

Maybe I shouldn't be out....:maybe I need to just take the risk. But seeing as I have such a short time I'd like to not spend it sickly indoors. I'd like to make memories with my children as much as I can.....so that when I'm gone they can look back fondly. Rather than sat indoors with a dying mother.

So. Not sure. I tend to just say excuse me. But if you could kindly step back I'd appreciate that.

I think politely is best.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 20/08/2020 17:14

It is so difficult! I'm usually quite polite, but find that I'm glaring and tutting like ... my DM in her old age. when she was the queen and all of her subjects must obey.

The thing is, it is literally a matter of life and death here. Well, especially where I am, where they are dying like flies - US. I have had to think about each incident. Is it worse to be impolite or to die because of good old British reluctance to speak up? I choose life.

I won't be rude just because, but when people come running up your back when it is obvious you are maintaining the same speed and going in the same direction, it is disconcerting to say the least. We need to just be able to say in as few words as possible. Back away. Move back please. Space, please. Too close. All of these are clear and should not be offensive. And should quickly allow for the distance we all need.

oakleaffy · 20/08/2020 17:25

At the very beginning of lockdown there were two girls running and they got right in my space-I said “Get Back!” With a palm up- runners in lockdown were a plague in themselves- so many of them, huffing and wheezing and getting in your face-
I was angry and my mum was knocked flying by one, so was less than patient in the early days🙁

Yogamad38 · 20/08/2020 17:35

It is really difficult: I'm trying my best to SD but finding other people dont- queuing up people come closer than they should- ive asked people to step back politely and it falls on deaf ears- can't see why its so difficult to be honest.

heartsonacake · 20/08/2020 17:35

He wasn’t aggressive, just direct.

People don’t like others being direct, particularly when they’re called out on their own behaviour, so then label the other person as aggressive when they’re not.

Kazzyhoward · 20/08/2020 17:45

@heartsonacake

He wasn’t aggressive, just direct.

People don’t like others being direct, particularly when they’re called out on their own behaviour, so then label the other person as aggressive when they’re not.

I agree. There's a massive difference between being assertive, which the guy was, and being aggressive, which he wasn't. It wouldn't be a bad thing if more people practised assertiveness rather than the extremes of being passive and saying nothing or going too far the other way and being aggressive.
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