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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A 'nice' way to tell someone to SD?

140 replies

BBCONEANDTWO · 20/08/2020 12:36

So was just in a cafe. You had to queue up in an orderly line. The bit where they were selling drinks was more or less empty and I saw this woman who had already been seated come over and get in that queue. Then a man who had gone back to collect his full English joined his wife who was in the drinks queue.

The wife went over to the other bit to pay and the man turned round to the other woman, put his hands in front of himself and loudly told her to 'move back you're in my space, social distance'.

I was down visiting the town for the day and was pretty shocked at how aggressive he was. The woman stepped backwards and said sorry. I just wondered though is there a better way to tell someone you're in their space.

I think we need to be kind to people and I felt sorry or the woman and a few people in the queue rolled their eyes up at the guy. I was also thinking if the woman had been a big strapping man he might not have been as aggressive in the first place.

I just thought if I was in her place I'd have felt upset. I don't know how I would address this. I have seen people in shops telling people off I they touch something and put it back and it amazes me. Everyone was wearing masks until they got to their table.

OP posts:
Addicted89 · 20/08/2020 15:13

I was in a cafe with floor markers, a woman was standing right behind me, I said to her than she should be 2 meters away and to pointed to the markers on the floor. She looked at me like I was an alien then every time I moved up a place in the queue I could hear her shuffling up behind me.

There aren’t any excuses for not following social distancing now, it’s been going on long enough it should be normal for people now.

Aridane · 20/08/2020 15:14

He raised his voice and put out his hands - his tone was pretty scary actually. I'm wondering if he was a shielded person out for the first time or something.

Yes - it’s shit for the shielded

AdobeWanKenobi · 20/08/2020 15:16

@BeyondMyWits

"2 metres please" said with a smile is my go to phrase.

Most say "sorry" and step back, some roll their eyes whilst muttering FFS, but still step back.

result either way.

How are all of you smiling with masks on? A PP said 'with a hint of a smile', again, how?
DeclutterTheUtility · 20/08/2020 15:17

Do you mind stepping back a bit sounds ok to me.

ilovesooty · 20/08/2020 15:19

@contrmary

If the man cut in the line to join his wife, and this was the reason that the woman behind was too close, she should have said in a louder voice "if you hadn't fucking pushed in, I wouldn't be so close, you stupid cunt."

If the woman was already encroaching on the space of the person in front before the man joined, then it's her own fault.

Is that your default vocabulary when communicating? Real life isn't a MN message board.
noiwillnotbequiet · 20/08/2020 15:19

@minicat

So she feels upset. Sometimes it’s ok for people to be upset. I think what he said sounds fine...
There are ways and means of saying things. From what the op says, he appeared to be bordering on the aggressive side of forthright.
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 20/08/2020 15:22

I stood in the ciggie queue in Morrisons yesterday and a lady came and stood RIGHT behind me. And she was a member of staff in uniform. Not quite sure why she was queuing. She looked like she was working but she had a large phone/electronic device in her hand. I glared a few times but she didn't back off. I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I try not to get wound up about it. There's so much that could bother me if I let it. Like a woman. Also in Morrisons. No face covering. Fine. I'm sure she has her reasons. But she was SINGING. Now that really is not on. Confused

Ori82 · 20/08/2020 15:23

Sorry but there's no call for anyone to be aggressive to assert a SD request. People respond far better to respectful, polite requests than rude, combative orders. I think the social distancing/mask-wearing scenario has just given some rather unpleasant characters free license to flout their aggressive natures without fear of reprimand.

People like this poor woman aren't stupid. She didn't need to have the raised voice, the angry tone, the social embarrassment to follow a simple request. A considered "Sorry - do you mind stepping back a little," would have sufficed I'm sure.

KatherineJaneway · 20/08/2020 15:23

I'm surprised people are still social distancing

ilovesooty · 20/08/2020 15:25

I've found "could you please step back a bit?" has been fine so far.

DeclutterTheUtility · 20/08/2020 15:27

I appreciate people not breathing over me under normal circumstances tbh.

Even outdoors I'm still giving people a fairly wide berth particularly anyone who looks like they are making an effort themselves. So are lots of others in my neighbourhood tbh.

DeclutterTheUtility · 20/08/2020 15:27

Singing? That's odd.

CharityDingle · 20/08/2020 15:28

@Addicted89

I was in a cafe with floor markers, a woman was standing right behind me, I said to her than she should be 2 meters away and to pointed to the markers on the floor. She looked at me like I was an alien then every time I moved up a place in the queue I could hear her shuffling up behind me.

There aren’t any excuses for not following social distancing now, it’s been going on long enough it should be normal for people now.

That's the part I don't understand. This has been going on for months. I have had to ask someone on more than one occasion to move back from me, onto a clearly marked space (with a picture of feet on it and the words STAND HERE).

They have complied when asked politely, but in all cases acted as though it was complete news to them that there was any requirement to stand apart, never mind the fact that the floor is marked for the purpose.

DeclutterTheUtility · 20/08/2020 15:29

Maybe some people do think it's all over.

P0lO · 20/08/2020 15:30

I'm finding the whole social distancing pretty difficult with being registered blind. I can't tell how close I am to people unless I'm right next to them, if it's quiet I can either hear them coming towards me or I can hear them breathing nearby. I'm not always aware that people are approaching me so I have no idea how far away they are, so don't know when to move away. New paragraph before the pandemic and social distancing it used to make me laugh when someone walking along looking down at there phone phone and would walk straight into me and say oh I'm sorry I didn't see you you. But now people apparently even see my long white cane and dark glasses and say things like "can't you see I was already stood here ?" thankfully I only ever go out with my personal assistant and she is brilliant and either guides me to the right place or gives people that fuck off look.

LST · 20/08/2020 15:30

If he would have said it in a raised voice and moved his hands towards me I would have told him to piss off. Ask me nicely and I would have apologised.

Ori82 · 20/08/2020 15:32

@GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy

Agree with you - passive aggressive requests are just as bad as aggressive ones. People just need to be considered and polite, and all will be fine.

BBCONEANDTWO · 20/08/2020 15:34

@LST

If he would have said it in a raised voice and moved his hands towards me I would have told him to piss off. Ask me nicely and I would have apologised.
I actually thought his eyes were going to pop out.
OP posts:
LST · 20/08/2020 15:34

@op yeah.. he sounds like a twat. A please costs nothing.

P0lO · 20/08/2020 15:40

@AgeLikeWine

I have had to ‘remind’ several people about social distancing in supermarkets and queues recently. My usual form of wording is something along the lines of :

“Excuse me, would you mind keeping your distance please?” Followed by a “thank you” when they oblige. This seems to be considered acceptably polite, I have used it with big blokes and little old ladies and I haven’t had a negative response yet.

I don't like the phrase 'little old ladies'. It portrays a set of attributes that are likely way off the mark and very unkind. Used in the same sentence as 'big blokes' makes 'little old ladies' sound even more patronising.
lifeafter50 · 20/08/2020 15:42

People who are terrified of others being near them should just stay at home.
This whole thing is giving bullies snd thugs purchase.

ginswinger · 20/08/2020 15:52

I quietly mention I work in a hospital and they may want to keep their distance. They fly away.

Coyoacan · 20/08/2020 15:56

People who are terrified of others being near them should just stay at home

Why? Social distancing is much, much more important than facemasks and there is really no reason not to respect it.

TimelyManor · 20/08/2020 16:06

@BayLeaves

I couldn't figure out what SD might refer to when I read the title, and was wondering if this might be a thread about politely telling people to suck dick Blush
That's what I thought too Grin. If you snarl "suck dick!" at someone who gets too close they probably would back off a bit. Worth a try! Grin
PatriciaPerch · 20/08/2020 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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