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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A 'nice' way to tell someone to SD?

140 replies

BBCONEANDTWO · 20/08/2020 12:36

So was just in a cafe. You had to queue up in an orderly line. The bit where they were selling drinks was more or less empty and I saw this woman who had already been seated come over and get in that queue. Then a man who had gone back to collect his full English joined his wife who was in the drinks queue.

The wife went over to the other bit to pay and the man turned round to the other woman, put his hands in front of himself and loudly told her to 'move back you're in my space, social distance'.

I was down visiting the town for the day and was pretty shocked at how aggressive he was. The woman stepped backwards and said sorry. I just wondered though is there a better way to tell someone you're in their space.

I think we need to be kind to people and I felt sorry or the woman and a few people in the queue rolled their eyes up at the guy. I was also thinking if the woman had been a big strapping man he might not have been as aggressive in the first place.

I just thought if I was in her place I'd have felt upset. I don't know how I would address this. I have seen people in shops telling people off I they touch something and put it back and it amazes me. Everyone was wearing masks until they got to their table.

OP posts:
Eaumyword · 20/08/2020 17:45

I can't see why people can't keep their distance either. I was in a queue the other day with my mask on and a chap in his 50's was inches away from my shoulder. He didn't have a mask on. Obviously I didn't say anything as who knows if he was exempt or not, but I did ask him to step back. His response? I've not got Covid love, don't worry! I had multiple responses but just kept quiet.Confused

LadyEloise · 20/08/2020 17:48

@lijkk
You say your culture is direct.
Would you mind telling me what culture that is.
I'm intrigued.

TimelyManor · 20/08/2020 17:54

Happyheart Flowers

lljkk · 20/08/2020 17:54

American, Californian to be specific. Direct but laid back.

Jaxhog · 20/08/2020 17:56

Let me get this right. The woman was minding her own business queuing, and this couple got in front of her to pay? If so, then HE should have SD'd or at least said excuse me.

LadyEloise · 20/08/2020 18:09

Thank you lljkk

wheresmymojo · 20/08/2020 18:18

@P0lO

I'm finding the whole social distancing pretty difficult with being registered blind. I can't tell how close I am to people unless I'm right next to them, if it's quiet I can either hear them coming towards me or I can hear them breathing nearby. I'm not always aware that people are approaching me so I have no idea how far away they are, so don't know when to move away. New paragraph before the pandemic and social distancing it used to make me laugh when someone walking along looking down at there phone phone and would walk straight into me and say oh I'm sorry I didn't see you you. But now people apparently even see my long white cane and dark glasses and say things like "can't you see I was already stood here ?" thankfully I only ever go out with my personal assistant and she is brilliant and either guides me to the right place or gives people that fuck off look.

Lord...I'm sorry that you get that kind of shit. It takes a special kind of arsehole to be annoyed that someone who is registered blind hasn't stayed 2 metres away.

BBCONEANDTWO · 20/08/2020 18:25

@Jaxhog

Let me get this right. The woman was minding her own business queuing, and this couple got in front of her to pay? If so, then HE should have SD'd or at least said excuse me.
The couple were queuing for drinks but the man had ordered a full English and went back for it. When he went back for it the woman that got told off queued up behind his wife. Then the man came back with his breakfast and stood with his wife - the wife moved off to go to the next till to pay and left the man on his own. So basically yes.
OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 20/08/2020 19:09

I'd have taken a step back and said "OK mate, don't give yourself an atomic wedgie".

What does that even mean? Is it a witty reference to something that I'm not getting? Tbh if you said that to me I would back off in a hurry, because it's a weird thing to say and I'd be wanting to get away before you tried to engage me in conversation about Star Trek or whatever the hell weird thing you were obsessed with. So maybe it works Smile

Noodledoodledoo · 20/08/2020 20:44

I had it at the zoo yesterday in the queue for the shop. Luckily it had been raining a lot and I had my long umbrella with me - stuck it under my arm point end towards the culprits!!!

I did a lot of telling my young children, oh lets stand on the next footprint when we moved up!

KatherineJaneway · 21/08/2020 07:05

@heartsonacake

He wasn’t aggressive, just direct.

People don’t like others being direct, particularly when they’re called out on their own behaviour, so then label the other person as aggressive when they’re not.

You have no idea how aggressive he was. You did not hear tone, see demeanour etc.
ChainVaper · 21/08/2020 07:39

@BayLeaves

I couldn't figure out what SD might refer to when I read the title, and was wondering if this might be a thread about politely telling people to suck dick Blush
I’m laughing 😂 so much at this !!
KeepingPlain · 21/08/2020 07:48

I went to our local water park on my birthday, and I had to tell EVERY person who queued behind us to please stand 2 metres away.

Youre worried about social distancing whilst sharing water and rides with strange people? OK... Confused

Nottherealslimshady · 21/08/2020 07:57

I think you should always say please and I dont really like that people say "2 meters" it seems rude and abrupt. I tend to say "sorry, excuse me, you're meant to stay 2m away"
I had someone yesterday at the supermarket so close while I was getting something out the freezer that when i went to put in my trolley i fully stood on her, had no idea she was there obviously.

Months ago at the start of the pandemic when we just been told to social distance I was queuing for a trades shop and the man behind me was stood centimetres from me, I kept moving forward but ended up so he wasnt even 2m from the person in front of me, so I moved to the side then when I was at the front I just kept moving forward away from him until we had reached an empty till, left him there and moved to the side in front of the open till. I wasnt confident enough to say anything and he didnt some very nice, pretty sure he was doing it deliberately.

Valkadin · 21/08/2020 08:57

This is a very British thread, it reminds me of how someone can bump in to you in the street and it’s clearly their fault but you end up apologising. I’m all for manners but I think in these unprecedented times just being direct is fine. What he actually said though unfortunate for us here in that we can’t really get the intonation and body language overall Is ok . I am unsure about the pushing in to replace his wife though. That makes it trickier.

HaveYouSeenMyFriendKimberley · 21/08/2020 11:45

I think being direct if you are speaking through a mask is the way to go.

In shops I am really struggling with the "waffle" that couches typical polite UK conversations at the moment.

ChristmasFluff · 21/08/2020 15:45

Most people around me seem to have gone a bit lax on the SD stuff recently, so I do sometimes put my arms out to fend them off, but with a 'sorry lovely, could you mind your distancing? So sorry'. Very British, but achieves the desired effect without being offensive, hopefully.

I don't see the point in being aggressive. People are stressed enough anyway.

thea543 · 21/08/2020 17:43

What I do in the supermarket queue is to have my trolley behind me sticking out from the loading belt. That way nobody can get any closer than the length of the trolley.
I think masks are giving people the false idea that they are now safe to come closer.

AdoptedAWholeLoadOfShit · 21/08/2020 17:49

In this instance the man was totally in the wrong, he should have apologised to the woman for closing the distance between them. I’d have told him so, if I’d been that woman he was rude to.

Regarding letting someone who queues behind you know that they’re too close is something I’ve had practice with. I once told a lady (high heels, business suit, sighing a lot, giving impression she was in a hurry) in the queue outside the pharmacy that she needed to move back when she landed at my shoulder - I could feel her breath on my neck! This was at the height of the pandemic. I said “hi there, the queue’s behind me, if you wouldn’t mind moving back 6ft”. She pretended she didn’t hear me and stared past me. I winked at the next person who had joined the queue and heard me and said “half way between us would be perfect, thanks”. Still didn’t move. I moved left 2 metres to stand opposite the door and said “this still means I’m next btw but I needed to move to socially distance”.

Call me bad, but when it came to my turn I perused the shelves as well collected my prescription. If the cheeky mare had distanced herself and explained her hurry, I might have swapped places with her!

Mmpip · 21/08/2020 17:50

@contrmary

If the man cut in the line to join his wife, and this was the reason that the woman behind was too close, she should have said in a louder voice "if you hadn't fucking pushed in, I wouldn't be so close, you stupid cunt."

If the woman was already encroaching on the space of the person in front before the man joined, then it's her own fault.

Hilarious.....hahahahahaha
Badnan · 21/08/2020 18:01

He sounds like a nasty man, she should of told him to do one and fuck off.

user1490954378 · 21/08/2020 18:12

It sounds like it was him who needed to SD from what you've described. He sounds like a sanctimonious arse who thinks everything revolves around him, and I'd have said, 'excuse me, but you just put yourself there while I WAS social distancing, so you should move/maybe should have waited so that you could do it to. Tell you what though, I'll move back because I'm not an entitled, self centred arsehole.' And then I would have smiled sweetly and stepped back.

user1490954378 · 21/08/2020 18:12

Ugh..too not to.

StoneofDestiny · 21/08/2020 18:19

The bloke was unnecessarily curt - he could have achieved the same result with a bit of grace.

Scarby9 · 21/08/2020 18:36

Sitting at a tucked away outside table at a garden this lunchtime. A couple came to queue to order and stood 2m from the people at the ordering point, but almost touching the back of my seat. The queue was meant to go along the side of the building, a good 3 or 4m from where we were at the closest, but as noone else was queuing they just didn't seem aware of the notices, or anything else except standing 2m away from the people in front.
I said ' Excuse me, would you mind moving further away?' in what I intended to be a firm but polite way.
They moved and apologised.

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