Unfair splitting of finances.

[tiredandemosh1]

My take home pay is £1300 per month. DP earns £2500. He does have lots to pay out, ie maintenance amongst other commitments he can't get out of.
He pays tv bill and £800 rent. I have 3 children who live with us. I pay all food and all other bills. Eldest has started working, just turned 18 so pays £30 per week rent which I put towards food.
Does this seem fair to everyone? I'm curious what others think.

Seems fair

You haven’t said what your costs amount to so difficult to tell. Did you lose income in terms of any benefits when you moved in together?

I lost any financial help when we moved in together. Food alone is at least £100 per week, probably more. council tax £165, gas/elect 120 water £80 insurance £25. Then I have my own car finance/insurance and phone so not left with much.

Doesn’t seem too unfair a split. He pays maintenance for his own children so probably not fair to expect him to subsidise yours. If moving in together was going to leave you financially worse off then this is a discussion that needed to happen beforehand.
Can you look to increase your earnings? If the 18 year old is working full time then maybe they could increase their contribution, after all £30 a week barely covers food for them.

What did you discuss and agree before moving in together?

What do you think is wrong/how do you want it to be? You haven’t said.

Do you not get maintenance for your kids?

So you pay roughly £800 pm as does he. Seems fair to me. You're paying for did for one more person whilst he's paying for at least one extra bedroom if not more.

I get a bit of maintenance for mine but their dad is using money as a control thing so that's another issue.
I just didn't expect to be so bloody skint all the time. I expected a little more even but looking at others perspectives helps so thank you.
Any home improvements, furniture, cleaning products, toiletries also fall to me, it really adds up with 5 of us and then his kids staying over too.
I am looking at taking on more hours as soon as possible.

It seems fair. Hardly like he is rolling in it, he pays the biggest bill you have and maintenance etc.

So your bills Inc food is bout 500 (-120 from son) and his is 800?

Why don't your get CSA for yours?

He's getting about 1875 and you get 975 after tax?

With what your son pays, you're paying about half what he pays which is technically fair as you're earning half what he does.

He gets £1k left and you about £500 and he has to pay maintenance.

Seems fair tbh a

Any home improvements, furniture, cleaning products, toiletries also fall to me, it really adds up with 5 of us and then his kids staying over too.
Caveat on my prior post. I think he should be doing a shop when his kids are over to top it all up and home improvements should be split

@SleepingStandingUp those figures are after tax sorry. The food bill is at least 100 per week the other amounts are per month

I don’t think you should pay for his toiletries and home improvements and furniture should be discussed separately and paid for 50/50.
If living with you means he’s gained financially whilst you seem to have lost then it needs discussing and rethinking. Maybe long term living together whilst you still have dependent children isn’t a good idea?

Ofcourse this isn't bloody fair!!
He's basically getting a roof over his head, all his food, all bills, all home maintenance bills, all furnishings and his kids fed when they come to stay for £200 a week!!!
Where else would he be able to find a bargain like that? You say you are alot worse off now than you were before. Why should you have to work more hours? He should be covering your losses not expecting an easier financial life whilst you are struggling.

Can you not pool finances? Take out his CSA and then pay everything, put a certain amount aside for savings and then split what's left between you?

It sounds about equal in spend (bar personal bills’ however there’s only one of him and four of you so it seems he’s paying a lot more an dthen for his own children on top.

Why should he have to subsidise your children because they have a crap dad who doesn't pay maintenance ?? - THATS your issue.

@tiredandemosh1

I get a bit of maintenance for mine but their dad is using money as a control thing so that's another issue. I just didn't expect to be so bloody skint all the time. I expected a little more even but looking at others perspectives helps so thank you. Any home improvements, furniture, cleaning products, toiletries also fall to me, it really adds up with 5 of us and then his kids staying over too. I am looking at taking on more hours as soon as possible.

If you don't want to be skint all the time get another job, or a second job

It's not up to your partner to subsidise your children because their dad is shit.

Jesus wept

I think he's being generous.

[quote tiredandemosh1]@SleepingStandingUp those figures are after tax sorry. The food bill is at least 100 per week the other amounts are per month[/quote]
Sorry my bad.

So you 1300 + 120 in. At least 820 out. Plus incidentals, gone repairs and feeding his kids. 600 left.
Him 2500 in. Just over 800 out. 1700 left.

Nope.

Tell him you need to sit down and talk money. He at LEAST needs to be going half on home repairs - who's name is it in? He needs to be at LEAST topping up the shopping when his kids are there

Incidentally have you looked for better prices for your power? That's a huge bill. Anything in particular rubbing it up?

It's not up to your partner to subsidise your children because their dad is shit. But op should pay for the food his kids eat, the furniture they sit and sleep on and keep the house safe so they can stay there?
I think he's being generous. He's paying less than her towards a house he and his children sleep in.

So you 1300 + 120 in. At least 820 out. Plus incidentals, gone repairs and feeding his kids. 600 left.
Him 2500 in. Just over 800 out. 1700 left.

You have your maths wrong. The £800 is the rent but he's also paying CSA and other fixed expenses so he doesn't have 1700 fun money.

@SleepingStandingUp

It's not up to your partner to subsidise your children because their dad is shit. But op should pay for the food his kids eat, the furniture they sit and sleep on and keep the house safe so they can stay there? I think he's being generous. He's paying less than her towards a house he and his children sleep in.

The OPs partner is paying for the roof over her children's head

It's not tit for tat

What did your boyfriend agree to before he moved in? What were your expectations of losing your financial help? Is your boyfriends name on your rent agreement too?

With a proviso that I’ve no personal experience of step families or non marriage partnerships, I’d have thought any workable family finances would involve all into one pot and all essentials from one pot, then an amount for saving and rainy days, then split equals ‘own money’.

It’s either a partnership or it’s not. On that salary, with older teenagers, I’d be looking to improve my income too.

I bet he was paying more than £800 a month for rent, food, bills etc. previously. Therefore moving in has benefited him, but you have lost single persons council tax, other benefits and have an adult and children in your house using more than £800 up. That is why the balance feels off to you.

You need to list monthly costs and pro rata costs that may be annual (e.g. home insurance, boiler insurance/checks). Work out which ones should be 50:50, plus look at the money you both have at the end of the month. If he has more left over he could pay more towards day trips, family meals out, petrol...the things that you all need but he could more easily pay for.