Unfair splitting of finances.

[tiredandemosh1]

My take home pay is £1300 per month. DP earns £2500. He does have lots to pay out, ie maintenance amongst other commitments he can't get out of.
He pays tv bill and £800 rent. I have 3 children who live with us. I pay all food and all other bills. Eldest has started working, just turned 18 so pays £30 per week rent which I put towards food.
Does this seem fair to everyone? I'm curious what others think.

It's too vague to say if this is fair or not, so people are projecting their own circumstances onto you. If you want an answer you need to give a good idea of both your outgoings and what you're left with to spend on whatever you want.

What do you mean it isn't income? Its money coming in to OP to use for her children that doesn't go to support her oh, so he doesn't benefit from it. My point is dp pays X bills and Y maintenance. His ex spends in theory 2Y on kids clothes etc. Op receives Y from her ex and spend 2Y on kids clothes etc. His costs for raising children are accounted for (well he has maintenance to pay for, that counts on his outgoings) bit there's no consideration on ops expenses for what she spends on the kids.

@honeygirlz

it's really difficult to say without a breakdown, but on balance I'd say it sound like he has £1200 pm disposable income, so it seems unfair to you. I would complete below:

Rent - £800
TV - ?
Bills - £200
Council tax - £165
Insurance - £25
Food - £400
TV license -
DP's child maintenance -
OP car insurance -
OP car finance -
OP phone -
Home improvements -
Furniture -
OP lost benefits -
Op lost council tax discount

She may have lost some benefits and the council tax discount based on her son turning 18

It's not up to your partner to subsidise your children because their dad is shit.Jesus wept

And yet it is up to the OP to pay for his children - food, cleaning etc? Jesus really did fucking weep at that one.

In your situation I don't think I would have signed up to being any worse off whilst living together than I was living apart.

Do you both feel as though this is a permanent relationship OP?

I get losing the council discount is a cost of him moving in but don’t get why he should make up for lost benefits. It’s not his fault the OP didn’t earn enough to fund herself and children. As upping hours is mentioned, presumably that means part time currently.

How much are you worse off overall?

How much is he worse/better off? Presumably he hasn't reduced his maintenance because he has moved in with your kids?

I think he should contribute towards the OPs DC as by living with them the OP has lost her benefits. This should have been discussed before he moved in and that way a principle would be agreed in advance.

My partner and I are discussing moving in and I will lose WFTC. My work cannot provide me with more hours and I do not have childcare in the holidays so cannot get a second income. We have shared our income and outgoings, drawn up a draft plan, and he has already said that he appreciates I will not want him to move in if I am financially worse off.

When moving in with additional DC, the OPs DP maintenance payments can be reassessed. I am not saying this is fair to his DC, but the maintenance calculator asks about additional DC at the same address.

Presumably he hasn't reduced his maintenance because he has moved in with your kids? why do you presume that?

Unfortunately he could under current rules and I'd be very surprised if he hasn't as most non resident parents do.

It's a rule many of us disagree with as it's patently unfair to his children and ex.

I presume he hasn't because that would make him an arsehole...I know it's possible but was hoping the answer would be no 🤞

I get losing the council discount is a cost of him moving in

If her son is now 18 and working she’d have lost it anyway wouldn’t she?

How much money do each of you have left after all bills are paid? We have a joint account where we both put all but £500 of our salary. All household bills come from that.

If her son is in education then she may not have lost any benefit for him including the council tax benefit. He may be only working evening and weekends and studying.

We all have no idea as it has not been disclosed.

Its amazing the number of people who take benefits as a due and therefore to be replaced by someone else when it's lost!

What happened to benefits being there when the person has no other options to support themselves and their family?

Why is the option to find another source, ie. a partner rather than upping your own income do you don't need to rely on external sources? By moving in together you benefit from economy if scales, and more support, ie. ability to work in the evenings or nights.

I think too many single women become so used to being financially supported by the state that they can't or don't want to consider financial independence as the norm to aim for.

This is not for OP who is indeed j creasing her hours which will most likely see her on an even keel but those who responded that he should pay the difference to what she lost.

Its amazing the number of people who take benefits as a due and therefore to be replaced by someone else when it's lost!

It's cos they think it's the State's job to pay for their choice to breed irresponsibly.....

Yes, it is unfair. You lost your government help and you can't make ends meet, yet he has huge amounts of disposible income left at the end of each month. So it's not sustainable.

"breed irresponsibly" fucking listen to yourselves. The irresponsible one is the father who has fucked off and isn't paying child support.

Obviously relying on benefits isn't ideal for anyone, but pragmatically speaking it has to be taken into account.

I thought the status quo was always 50/50 on all bills and the shortfall in your lost benefits 🤷🏼‍♀️

@combatbarbie why did you think that? Why should anyone want to move in with a single parent if that were the case

Because that is always what is thrown up in these situations by MN itself.... 🤷🏼‍♀️ OP shouldn't be out of pocket for someone to move in if finances are not being combined

Especially when property is rented not mortgaged or at very least rent should be 1/3 plus shortfall (due to op having children) in council tax for losing the discount and half all other bills

When her son turned 18 she will have lost benefits anyways

To answer your question op, yes it sounds fair.

Nope. You've got yourself a cocklodger and his offspring. Not a good deal

How much does your son earn? If £30 a week a fair amount to charge? I certainly don't think your partner should be effectively paying for an adult working child.