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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 months of being with my kids 24/7 has nearly broken me

119 replies

Midlifelights · 19/08/2020 11:42

I love my kids and I know I am lucky to have a family life but the total absence of personal space and time has nearly broken me.

I get interrupted every single second of the day & my kids (who are 8 & 12 incidentally) seem to have lost the ability to play or entertain themselves - I try to restrict screen time but I find myself using screens more as a way of getting time out.

I feel close to a meltdown to be honest- we do get out every day to parks & stuff but unless we do that, I get no time to do anything even as simple as sending an email or anything without them demanding my uninterrupted attention.

I need to cook, clean, send emails, do life admin. OH in work & then tired so all of this has fallen to me. My lovely DD must have said mummy 300 times yesterday & I spend all my time saying ‘hang on’ while I try to grab 10 mins to do something for myself.

Aibu- I feel close to the edge to be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
Midlifelights · 19/08/2020 11:45

In addition, I work full time normally too - I am just off for 2 weeks at the momenh

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 19/08/2020 11:46

God yes it’s been so hard, some days I’m soo snappy I feel bad! My sons currently been watching tv since 9am 😬

AnneBullen · 19/08/2020 11:46

Can’t you send them to a local holiday camp or similar? We have one here doing ad hoc days and I’ve put mine in one day a week over the summer, to get a break and some down time.

Original poster
Midlifelights · 19/08/2020 11:48

I really really really really really really fucking PRAY that they go back to school

OP posts:
Original poster
Midlifelights · 19/08/2020 11:48

@AnneBullen DD is meant to be going to school club next week for 2 days but she’s currently refusing to go

OP posts:
Purplestorm83 · 19/08/2020 11:51

I feel your pain. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old, the 5 year old comes with me to work normally anyway (she is home ed and I work part time running a home ed group) so I am used to being with her most of the time but would still sometimes get time alone when my mum was here or her dad looked after her. The 2 year old goes to a childminder 2 days a week normally. Being together all three of us all the time (my husband is at home but wfh full time at the mo) is just too intense, the 2 year old is too little to be at all self-sufficient and just wants to grab toys from her older sister all day long 😫

Chicchicchicchiclana · 19/08/2020 11:55

My uni student daughter worked for a family earlier in the summer doing 5 or 6 hours "in house" babysitting x 3 days a week. So she would do the crafts/baking/playing in the garden/taking to the park while the Mum and Dad wfh. The kids were 5 and 8. Would something like that work?

But tbh yours really should be able to be told to leave you alone for an hour or two and their age. You see parents on here who are either happy to, or have no choice but to, leave their 12 year olds alone all day during the summer holidays in normal times.

whereistherum · 19/08/2020 11:59

I agree with you, my saving grace has been a holiday club as well, I was lucky there though, my parents paid for him to go throughout the summer holiday, otherwise there is no way we could have done it.

IckyPop · 19/08/2020 12:10

@Midlifelights I feel your pain and I only have 1 child aged 7.
Husband working from home full time and up until recently he had been shielding, so everything down to me. So although I'm a key worker (part time and term time only) child wasn't able to go to school due to husbands health.
I often feel now that I've had enough of life. I'm prone to depression anyway so that doesn't help.
I feel like I've had enough of hearing my child's voice- it goes straight through me. And then there's the guilt for feeling like this and not bring the parent I want to be...
Sorry no advice, just want to let you know you are not alone in your feelings 💐

BlingLoving · 19/08/2020 12:17

OH in work & then tired so all of this has fallen to me.

This jumped out at me. So, you are working AND looking after kids during normal working hours. Then, at the end of the day, your OH, who has been working but without any need to look after the kids, is too "tired" to do everything so you continue to be on call for whatever remains of the day?

Everything you're feeling is perfectly reasonable. But you have a massive OH problem OP. He should be taking some of the slack off you outside of work hours (and, if he'd been working at home, during working hours too). This is completely and totally unacceptable.

jaylajayne · 19/08/2020 12:18

I totally empathise. I have a 1, 4 and 6 year old and this year has nearly broken me. The two oldest briefly went back to school and nursery for the last bit of Summer term and it was amazing just to have a bit of breathing space. Still had my youngest at home but having just the one was so much easier. I've been fortunate that I havent had to juggle a job too, like many have, although I'm hoping to go back to work in the next couple of months because I just can't cope with staying indoors so much anymore!

Don't be too hard on yourself, and don't feel guilty for wanting that bit of space. Hang in there, hopefully it will get better and you'll be able to get some time to yourself!WineFlowers

CornedBeef451 · 19/08/2020 12:18

That sounds tough, I was feeling a bit trapped early on by WAH and homeschooling so had to talk to the DCs about what was appropriate.

Mine are 9 and 12 and have had to learn not to bother me when I'm working unless they really need to ask me something.

Can you set times when you're available and then send them away in between times? Mine tell me they're bored but I have made it clear that I am also bored working but it has to be done and they need to leave me alone for a set period unless is an emergency.

AlexTheLittleCat · 19/08/2020 12:23

It's the constant, never ending noise, it slowly drives you mad. It would make a great form of torture. After six months of it, I would just like some quiet time.

Parmavioletmum · 19/08/2020 12:27

Nope I've felt almost broken. I love my kids (10 almost 11 years & 18 months )to the end of the world but my god! 6 months with no break has been relentless. I have a very hands on partner when he's not working but my god. If I hear mum or one more question I think my brain may explode. I'm actually hoping to return to part time work once schools are back just for a bit of sanity and feeling like myself. Full respect for SAHM. I've been one now for 18 months but its definitely pushed me to the edge!

Original poster
Midlifelights · 19/08/2020 12:29

My OH does pull his weight in that he does all the washing & ironing in the house - I think it’s just his job has meant that he’s been in work the whole time whereas I haven’t. I think it’s fallen to a lot of women to hold the kids up at home for this time

OP posts:
onemouseplace · 19/08/2020 12:32

It's broken me this week as well to be honest. I thought the worst was over mentally for me, but this week has been awful. DH is on 80% pay which has wiped out any spare money for anything like holiday clubs and we're all bored and exhausted and sick to death of our flat.

Blurp · 19/08/2020 12:32

I agree with seeing whether a local teenager would come round to entertain them for a few hours (or walk them to the park or something).

But I would also think that by that age they should be able to entertain themselves, or at least leave you alone for an hour (assuming they're neurotypical). Do you have outside space where they can play?

Don't feel bad about resorting to screens for an hour here and there as well.

dontdisturbmenow · 19/08/2020 12:33

My lovely DD must have said mummy 300 times yesterday & I spend all my time saying ‘hang on’ while I try to grab 10 mins to do something for myself.
And you let it? Why? At 8yo, mine would have been told to pack it in and leave me alone, not 'hang on'.

I think some parents don't help themselves by being too involved in keeping their kids busy and then pay for it.

Are you also working ft?

Dishwashersaurous · 19/08/2020 12:38

I was going to have sympathy and then saw the ages.

They are completely old enough to say mummy has stuff to do go to your room for an hour

carlyfrench · 19/08/2020 12:39

Oh it's so hard at this stage. You normally see threads like this just because it's the school hols, never mind the end of a period of lockdown plus hols.

I've left my 2 with dp and decamped to a friend's for a couple of days. Just having a change of scene is refreshing. We lost our 2 planned holidays so this as good as it's getting. Hope next year will be so much better.

MistressMounthaven · 19/08/2020 12:43

I would threaten to turn off the wifi if they can't amuse themselves for a morning - and I would definitely do it.

BlingLoving · 19/08/2020 12:45

Also, can't they see friends now? We've been doing much needed playdates over the last few weeks. Nothing crazy - but palming off both kids somewhere then accepting two kids in exchange a day or two later is working well for us.

BikeTyson · 19/08/2020 12:45

Hang in there, school is coming! (I hope) Looking after a toddler while wfh full time very nearly broke me, and that was only for 4 months and there’s only 1 of her. YANBU at all, families are not meant to be in each other’s pockets all day every day, particularly while working at the same time.

Nosleeptilteenagers · 19/08/2020 12:46

It’s shit.

At least you haven’t got a toddler though. That is more shit. Surely 8 & 10 year olds can be left to their own devices for some of the time? My 7 year old would rather play with me all day but she understands that she can’t right now. I feel awful but it’s the only way I can keep my job. My 2 year old on the other hand would destroy herself and the house without constant supervision. She’s the one that’s breaking me and making my work substandard!

Another one teetering on the edge of a breakdown here.

Redcups64 · 19/08/2020 12:48

That’s a bit shocking to hear about a 8 and 10 year old!

My 10 year old is almost self sufficient, I do have to tell her to brush her teeth (still!) and cook her dinner but other than that she is able to be fine doing her own thing.

You should be teaching them a bit of independence maybe?

How do they interrupt you?