6 months of being with my kids 24/7 has nearly broken me

[Midlifelights]

I love my kids and I know I am lucky to have a family life but the total absence of personal space and time has nearly broken me.

I get interrupted every single second of the day & my kids (who are 8 & 12 incidentally) seem to have lost the ability to play or entertain themselves - I try to restrict screen time but I find myself using screens more as a way of getting time out.

I feel close to a meltdown to be honest- we do get out every day to parks & stuff but unless we do that, I get no time to do anything even as simple as sending an email or anything without them demanding my uninterrupted attention.

I need to cook, clean, send emails, do life admin. OH in work & then tired so all of this has fallen to me. My lovely DD must have said mummy 300 times yesterday & I spend all my time saying ‘hang on’ while I try to grab 10 mins to do something for myself.

Aibu- I feel close to the edge to be honest

Tbh its not spending time with dd (8) that's brought me to my knees.

Its trying to work without childcare, trying to home school during term time and trying to deal with the restrictions of lockdown (and now quarantine).

Dd is great and very capable of keeping herself occupied but she's had to spend far too much time alone and without physical activity.

Mental health (adults and children) has been very far down the list of priorities since March.

I’m also surprised an 8 and 10 year old are causing this much havoc OP, though I also have a 6 year old and a toddler so my basis for comparison is basically hell.

Tell them to clear off and give them set times to be allowed to bother you or bribe them into doing something constructive.

No I was the same but I’ve put DS in nursery Monday mornings now to apply for jobs etc and it’s so much easier than him trying to take the laptop off me every time I get it out and needing constant attention however he is only 2 so doesn’t get to leave me alone yet but that one morning to just apply for jobs in peace has saved my sanity completely! Loved the first 2/3 months now I feeling like banging my head off a wall.

At 8 and 10 they shouldn’t be calling for mummy 300 times a day or need you that much. My mum would have sent me to my room at that age and that’s it. Bar special needs, they should be able to entertain themselves and understand that an adult needs to do something and they need to be quiet while that is being done. You’re their mother not some entertainer. What are the consequences for their behaviour?

You're trying to do too much. Your DH needs to help more. I know you say he helps, but he's "tired" and you're near collapse...

You need to reallocate chores and not only to your DH but also your DC, who are old enough to help. Could you have "Tidy Time" for half an hour at the start and end of each day where you and DC split out the chores that need to be done? It shouldn't all be on your plate.

Your DC are old enough to leave you alone for a couple of hours at a time, so you're lucky there...My 2 year old wasn't but thank god he's back at his childminder. If I were you, I would physically separate myself from them for 2 hour periods to work with a "Do not disturb unless there's an emergency" sign on the door and then take a break and meet them for a mid morning snack. Then another work period, then lunch, then 2 hours more and a walk/activity. Then they can have TV time until dinner while you work.

I'd bully or bribe DD to go to school club with whatever means it takes, she'll probably love it when she's there and most children are short on social interaction at the moment.

Yanbu, it’s so hard. We’ve come away to stay with relatives so we can all have a break. Is that an option for you? I’m enjoying seeing my kids without so much pressure.

From now on, when your OH gets home from work, the rule is that you leave the house for at least 30 minutes. Even an hour, if you can get it. Walk, drive, go for a coffee, to the gym or whatever. Anything you like, for half an hour, without the children there. Then you go home and work together until they are in bed.

Completely feel you OP! It's relentless. As much as you love them it's bloody hard!! I phoned my friend ranting this morning and she came round and cooked me and the kids lunch and told me to go have a bath in peace I was so grateful!! Try and use you evening time wisely and take cake! Xx

Sorry to be harsh but I think you need to just tell them to leave you in peace and mean it! Little kids, different story of course but at 8 and 12 they're only doing it because you're letting them. The 12 yr old can go out and meet friends surely? Agree your DH needs to step up so you get time in evening. As a more concrete suggestion, on work days you and DH come up with a list of what you expect of them each day - e.g.. Do two types of exercise, hang up the washing, go outside, tidy their rooms, x amount of tv/screen. So you help them structure their day. Then leave them to it! You're not some sort of slave :)

YANBU. I have an 8 and a 6yr old, both with SEN and its been really difficult. I've not been able to get them to do much school work at all since March, if I try to force the issue I get screaming tantrums and on one occasion my 8yr old threatened suicide.

The first couple of months we had gorgeous weather and we live on the moors so were enjoying lots of time playing in the river and going on walks but the last couple of months the weather has been unpredictable and when you need to book things like visiting NT places ahead of going it makes it hard, not being able to get up look at the weather and spontaneously decide to go/not go somewhere etc.

They only seem to be happy sat in front of a screen at the moment, as soon as the cartoon finishes or their goes on the playstation are up they are pestering for attention. They don't go to sleep until the early hours no matter how far I make them walk in the day and they are arguing with each other almost constantly.

I can't wait until September 3rd, they desperately need to be back at school and I'm worried about how far behind they are going to be ,the 6yr old has definitely regressed. He never would read to me at home, I was always surprised when his teachers told me he was moving up the reading levels because he just tells me he can't read at all and refuses to even attempt it, he is very hard work.

Oh no...mine are preschoolers and have definitely brought me to the brink (even before lockdown) but I had comforted myself with the knowledge that they'd be "easier" in a few years. To think I'm still going to get "Mummyyyyyyy" 300 times a day when they're 10 makes me despair TBH 😩

Preschool opens here next week so I'm beyond excited for that and will be quite literally throwing them in the door! When do yours go back to school OP? Hopefully it won't be much longer. It's been hell

We've all had a hard time so I sympathise.

But... she's 8yo and you're the parent, she doesn't get a say in whether she goes to a club or not, i wouldn't make it optional if you're really struggling, you'll all be better for her going.

I found what helped was to make a mental schedule to give 30mins of focussed time with children then 30 mins on what you need to do. Then they feel like they've had your attention and aren't under foot constantly (so much!) X

Mine are 5 & 7 and yes it's been a slog. They have always been quite independent, but seem to have lost a lot of that over lockdown.

I'm glad the gyms are back open, meaning they get 2hrs of kids club plus swimming. I think they've needed more physical exercise than I've been able to give. (We do atleast an hour walk a day, but it's not enough).

Easy for people to say you've created all of these issues yourself. I personally have never experienced a pandemic/ lockdown before, so may not have quite nailed it parenting wise

No judgment here.

I have just sent my 13 year old twins to grandparents for two weeks. Six months of working full time, home schooling and then them demanding 24/7 attention was too much. I miss quiet, adult time, a tidy house and just being able to do what I want for a change!!

The house is so quiet now and it’s bliss.

It has been hard. I have one child and work part time in a ridiculously stressful job (which never used to be but has become more so over the past 2-3 years) but have been available to my students full time over lockdown. It’s been intense. It’s been physically painful. My child went through a whole gamut of emotions initially and really needed me to be fully present rather than having to work as well, which obviously I had to work. Work have failed to demonstrate any understanding of how horrible the situation was for any of the staff. I feel like I need six months off to recuperate.

Juggling work and children has been hellish but it got much easier when I sent the eldest to holiday camp. Having just one was still hard (as she’s a 1yo) but the combination of two of them was sending us crazy. It sounds like you can hang on now until school but can you arrange some play dates or join any activities in the meantime. I’d have though the 12yo should be quite self sufficient.

Why are so many people blaming the op? My two are 8 and 10 and at some points have badgered me far more than they usually ever would because a) they are not at school, b) weren't able to see their friends c) all their usual clubs were stopped.

It's not a normal time, so I don't know why some think that children should be behaving perfectly. This is all tough on kids too.

@SunnyNights

Why are so many people blaming the op?

Because MN has become a bitchfest since lockdown

I hear where you're coming from op and sympathisers completely. I'm a single parent of 3 dc, one has additional needs. I too adore my dc and of course wouldn't be without them, but it's been bloody hard

Mentally it's been hard. Having no or very little reprieve is incredibly hard. Only a couple of weeks ok and hopefully we'll get back to some normality x

It's not a normal time, so I don't know why some think that children should be behaving perfectly. This is all tough on kids too.

Agreed! Some people love to kick others while they are down. How dare the OP's DC be struggling. She's clearly brought this all on herself through her lousy parenting.

It's been tough, and I have DH at home (furloughed, then made redundant recently - so he's not in the best frame of mind atm as he panics about money and looking for another job). We don't have any space upstairs so I have to work downstairs with them both in the room. And of course I do more than my fair share of housework, though DH is getting better after I made him aware of exactly how much I was doing.

Only time I'm on my own is in the bathroom, and then DS will come knocking on the door. I feel like screaming.

Oh my god yes. I am so so very down at the moment, I burst into tears constantly and all I can think about is the day they go back to school. I'm counting down. I am also working from home, badly, often only getting work done when my toddler is napping or when DP gets home. I feel terrible that my motivation to care for my kids is so far gone that they spend most of the time watching TV as that's the only way I can stop my kids either climbing on me (youngest) or asking a zillion questions a minute (eldest) and everyone throwing tantrums. Same as you I try to get them outside every day, but every park every forest every beach every bike trail every playground is even boring us to tears. I swear if the schools don't go back this term I might be checking myself voluntarily into a psychiatric unit. I want to scream, I just aim on getting them to bed and lie down myself, cry, sleep, wake up feeling exhausted and miserable and repeat again.... It's an existence... no life :(

It's not a normal time, so I don't know why some think that children should be behaving perfectly. This is all tough on kids too
It's tough on anyone and anyone has to adjust. Kids are spoiled, used to constant stimulation and entertainment. In some ways, the lockdown has had to teach kids about gaining some independence skills.

That's for those kids whose parents still think their kids should be constantly entertained and that leaving them alone to busy themselves is punishment.

@Chicchicchicchiclana

My uni student daughter worked for a family earlier in the summer doing 5 or 6 hours "in house" babysitting x 3 days a week. So she would do the crafts/baking/playing in the garden/taking to the park while the Mum and Dad wfh. The kids were 5 and 8. Would something like that work?

But tbh yours really should be able to be told to leave you alone for an hour or two and their age. You see parents on here who are either happy to, or have no choice but to, leave their 12 year olds alone all day during the summer holidays in normal times.

I did this (albeit for a toddler and under 1 year old) when I was studying with private tutors for GCSEs (don't ask!) when I was 15 for approx 6 months as a sort of live out au pair/childminder, it was as and when but was usually about 3 days a week and sometimes with mother in tow.

I had done childcare GCSE and studied the toddler as a baby so knew rudiments of what to do in an emergency etc.

Also babysat the DC as their parents often went out for music functions - the dad owned a record shop which imported American music (country and western but others) and he often went on business to USA for work.

For me it meant I had a good relationship with the DC.

Funnily enough had a haircut with local hairdresser in a salon and she mentioned she was a sort of au pair/childcare for local families, pick up from school, drop to school, babysitting etc but she'd got to know a few families and had 2 she worked for and they kept her on unofficially/officially as kids grew up, obviously trust was there etc. If you know or want to get to know someone that way that could work.

It's not a normal time, so I don't know why some think that children should be behaving perfectly. This is all tough on kids too.

100% this. All ages have different challenges, and it’s perfectly expected that children’s behaviour will regress at a time like this.