6 months of being with my kids 24/7 has nearly broken me

[Midlifelights]

I love my kids and I know I am lucky to have a family life but the total absence of personal space and time has nearly broken me.

I get interrupted every single second of the day & my kids (who are 8 & 12 incidentally) seem to have lost the ability to play or entertain themselves - I try to restrict screen time but I find myself using screens more as a way of getting time out.

I feel close to a meltdown to be honest- we do get out every day to parks & stuff but unless we do that, I get no time to do anything even as simple as sending an email or anything without them demanding my uninterrupted attention.

I need to cook, clean, send emails, do life admin. OH in work & then tired so all of this has fallen to me. My lovely DD must have said mummy 300 times yesterday & I spend all my time saying ‘hang on’ while I try to grab 10 mins to do something for myself.

Aibu- I feel close to the edge to be honest

The last few months have been so difficult and not just for parents but for the children themselves.
Whether the children are of nursery age or college students all have had their lives restricted and routines disrupted in the most horrible way.
There's little wonder feelings and tensions are running high within the family unit.
As adults we have also suffered the same fate but are supposed to handle it and "keep on keeping on" with a smile on our faces as if nothing's wrong!
We have been a nation in stagnation with nothing we could do about it.
However, the way I look at it is this, yes it's difficult and boring.
The kids are on form 24/7 with no let up and no place to hide and
the tendency to eat and drink too much to alleviate the boredom does work for awhile but then, we feel ruff as chuff and even worse when our clothes don't fit!
But, there is potential light at the end of our tunnel.
We do still all have a future after this which has been denied so many and sometimes, I for one, am guilty of forgetting that!
So, eat ,drink and be merry, it will be winter before we know it and we can pile on the layers!
Schools will be back soon providing some much needed respite.

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@SunnyNights

Why are so many people blaming the op?

Because MN has become a bitchfest since lockdown[/quote]
I don’t think that’s totally fair. People are quite politely pointing out that it’s very surprising for children of this age to be behaving in the way described by the OP and that perhaps she could be a bit more forceful in dealing with it. The behaviours she’s describing are really those of toddlers, not an 8 year old and a pre-teen. If anything these posters are giving the OP a push to be a bit more forceful about making sure her own needs are met!

I posted a few weeks ago about how I’m totally on the brink of nervous exhaustion. My twins (almost 4) stopped going to nursery before lockdown and couldn’t go back, they both have disabilities, and the three days at nursery they used to do was keeping me well and sane. I am neither now! I’ve been trying to take care of them, while doing my part time job which has been extra stressful thanks to COVID, plus managing their education tribunals which on their own would be enough to finish me off. It’s been absolutely brutal.

They’re now back at nursery for 2x 3hr sessions a week. I still don’t feel human but it is at least a bit of time where there’s no noise and I can sit quietly. You are not alone.

I know it's really difficult to be at home with young children all day and I do sympathise, but I think at 8 and 12 they should be capable of entertaining themselves for an hour or so without interrupting you. Do they not play out? My two used to be out all the time playing with other children locally at that age, going to the park, playing football, riding bikes, etc

I agree with the play dates - both of mine went round to DS’s friend’s house yesterday (yes I was super cheeky and asked if DD could tag along!) and the friend has come out with us today. It’s win/win - some child free time for me, but it’s also easier when the friend is here because they all bugger off and play together and don’t need anything much.

I have spent most of the day crying. It's too much. My 8yo with SEN is desperately unhappy. My 4yo has really regressed and I've been having to speech and language lessons for her. My 1yo is like some kind of super ninja toddler with the abilities of a 21 year old and who is always one step ahead of me. It's just been me, them and Dh (who went back to work in june) together 24/7 since march. I am totally broken and contemplating how I will restart my business in a couple of bad weeks. I have had some bad news today too and sometimes it is all just too much.

I hear you and it doesn't matter what came before, NO ONE has dealt with a pandemic before. Can you delegate the jobs to them? Motivate them with fun stuff in between and get through it faster...?

How on earth will spoilt attention seeking kids ever function in adult life, if you don't teach them how to organise their own time and activities?

When they make endless demands, that's baby behaviour, don't reward it.
Tell them "No, I'm busy working. Stop pestering."

Bored?   Nothing to do?  Here's a list of  jobs for you on the fridge, , choose one.

Wash up, Change your bed. Tidy your room. Hoover the carpets. Clean the bathroom. Wash the car. Peel potatoes.

I totally understand where you're coming from OP. My two (6 and 4) have hugely regressed in terms of behaviour, sleep, everything. I'm torturing myself with guilt about the time we 'should' be having, when in fact the only thing keeping me going is the promise of school starting soon.

In our house, we all really need routine, and so for us the lack of any structure has been a killer.

Keep your chin up - it will get better soon.

Why are people saying 8 and 10? They're 8 and 12. Nothing I'm common probably. No wonder you feel like you're going mad listening to that all day.
Hopefully schools back soon op.

Right there with you. Four kids 3, 5, 6 & 8, I don’t think I’ve heard silence for 6 months as the youngest won’t sleep more than a few hours. The school made a mistake with their days and I was told they had an extra day at home, it almost broke me, we all need space from each other

Me too. I'm completely cut myself off from my emotions as I can't deal with both.
DS sleeps very little I'm with him 18 hours a day.
DD is a good child but terribly time neglected as DS is so full on.
I'd hope for September only I know it'll be a disaster for at least at year with DS new school.

'' screens '' are not so bad!! Most games are really creative!
Mine rotate between Minecraft and roblox... Socialising, creating
. Typing, reading... Both slim and normal weight, and we get out a weekends or bike rides after work if weather OK.

Let them go on screens!!

Mine are the same age... I mean, they really need to grasp that they can't have your attention. They're a bit old to be being whiny babies.

"I am busy now. I will come and check on you in a bit."

And then naughty step/remove desired items if they persist.

Not long left OP until them let them have screens they definitely don't need so much attention unless they've extra needs.

YANBU OP. I have one son with ADHD. He has been flaming hard work and I have not had one hour alone since March. My DH is also WFH just to add to it

Reading this thread has made me think about how different life is now to when I was growing up. When I was 12, my Mum used to work 9-4 and me and my younger brother would be left at home all day for most of the school holidays. We had no choice but to entertain ourselves, looking back I remember watching a lot of TV, reading, drawing, playing basketball in the garden, playing tennis against the house wall. Of course, we had days out and holidays, but most of the time we just had to find things to do. Nowadays we seem to revolve our lives around entertaining DC and they're not used to being bored.

Not a criticism of you OP, just an observation of how things have changed.

Can you be honest with them and say look mummy needs some downtime to do x y and z, and give them the screens for an allotted hour a day between certain time’s and they are not to come a bother you between say 10-11am? And then go out for the day and have family time?

I hear you sister. I’m a SAHP and I thought I was going mad doing that. Then covid came in and I started homeschooling my 5 year old, now the summer hols are here and I am so on the edge. I was about to post on mumsnet too as I’ve run out of resources now. I have a 2 year old too so there is little peace and quiet from 8am-8pm. Thankfully she is a very chilled 2 year old unlike her brother who has turned into a defiant know-it-all over the holidays. I feel awful saying this but I’m ready for school to start now. Hang on in there, good times are on the horizon!

Im a sahm to 4 (2 teenqgers 2 under 5)
My Dp works very long hrs.
My kids are pretty good at entertaining themselves but screen time has just been massively scaled back as was being used far far too much, inc myself.

We go out often, parks, beach and see family.
But my mind is numb at moment with being a mum.
Im lucky, my kids are well behaved but sometimes its so draining!!
Getting out to food shop on my own now is a real treat!!!!

I understand how you feel completely , I hope you can catch a full break soon, even a few hrs!!

Only a couple of weeks to go OP!

They will go back they will go back they will go back they will go back they will go back they will go back they will go back they will

they will wont they?

By 8 and 12 they should be able to understand "Mummy is busy, entertain yourself for an hour".

Balance out independent play with a family activity - "Mummy is busy but if you can play nicely until lunchtime then we can do X after lunch"

My DD has a chore jar - pieces of paper with different household jobs written on them. If she says she is bored and I'm busy, I tell her to take something out and do it. Once she chooses something she has to complete it. I rarely have to resort to the chore jar because she will only resort to "I'm bored" if shes genuinely bored because she knows that it might end up with her mopping the kitchen or sorting laundry etc.

She also is allowed an hour of screen time but she has a list of stuff to do - make her bed, tidy her room, put her clothes in the laundry, wash up her breakfast dishes, do at least 20 mins of reading, do 15 mins of activity (eg a kids workout video or go out in the garden) plus at least one chore from the chore jar - before she can have her tablet. It's written on a wipe clean board and she ticks things off as she does them so if she asks for her tablet then she has to show me that shes done her list first. If I find she has not done something then she loses screen time. It gives her a bit of structure to the day, she helps out around the house but also means her screen time is restricted.

It's not a normal time, so I don't know why some think that children should be behaving perfectly. This is all tough on kids too

This, a 100%!!! I can see the negative effect 6 months of lockdown has had on mine, my 7 year old son especially.

My dh finally, FINALLY, started to understand today what I bloody mean by "all touched out", he's been stood down from work effectively for the past half a year and the children, loving him being home so much, climb on him, tug on him, touch him, want to sit on him, talk to him (you know, normal stuff for young children) every minute they're awake and he finally semi snapped today and said "can I just sit here without being touched for 5 minutes?!!". I couldn't help it, I said, "THIS is what I mean when I tell you I'm all touched-out in the evenings" (when he's trying to grope at my breasts/rub his dick on my backside/put his hands down my pants when I've only just sat down from putting the kids to bed)

@dontdisturbmenow

My lovely DD must have said mummy 300 times yesterday & I spend all my time saying ‘hang on’ while I try to grab 10 mins to do something for myself. And you let it? Why? At 8yo, mine would have been told to pack it in and leave me alone, not 'hang on'.

I think some parents don't help themselves by being too involved in keeping their kids busy and then pay for it.

Are you also working ft?

Do they have a kindle each with netflix and headphones. I give mine an hour and say "watch whatever you like here is popcorn" and peace and quiet. The only other way I find is to take them on a HUGE long dog walk and I'm talking miles and miles here -then they are shattered the next day too!

I feel your pain, I only have one DD aged 8 and yesterday in particular was the final straw. She just wouldn’t leave me alone all day, then woke me up at 3am to get the smallest fly out of her bedroom it was so small I could hardly see it. I’m not proud but I lost my temper at that point and just left her to it. Things are a bit better this morning. I do get out on my own to go for a run three times a week, if I didn’t I don’t know what I would do. DH is still working but even when he’s off it’s all ‘mummy, mummy, mummy’. Agghhh.

Its hard OP isnt it? But I too feel that at that age they should be able to amuse thenselves. My DD who is 5 frequently says 'its good for us mummy to make up our own games' a term she definately has got from me

Honeslty I go to work in a difficult job for the rest! Roll on september (& I have no shame in saying that!!)