Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pick DH up from airport late in 3rd trimester

140 replies

squishytomato · 19/08/2020 01:32

Currently on a short visit with DS (2.5yrs) to my parents in France, who we haven't seen since January. Am also 36w preggo with #2. Appreciate many will disagree with us travelling at the mo (case of "if not now, then not for a v long time" due to birth reg delays and passport backlogs) but that's not really my question.

DH is due to fly out tomorrow to join us for last couple of days of trip. Airport is about an hour and a quarter drive away, so 3hrs ish round trip to pick him up. In normal circs I would of course do so. However 3rd trimester is what it is - bad backache, swollen legs, generally feeling exhausted/sore/uncomfortable etc - such that I don't fancy a long trip in the driving seat. Especially in my parent's car which I haven't driven in over a year - makes me a bit nervous.

My dad is v conscious of the pregnancy and is insisting on picking DH up, which I'm grateful for. DH on other hand doesn't like this idea - his view is that he is making the effort to come out here, so I can make the effort to pick him up (he doesn't love spending time with my family even though he acknowledges they've been nothing but nice to him).

Feel like he's guilt tripping me into this and if I don't do it he will be a grumpy sod the whole two days (in his words, "the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go"). Granted, I did ask him to come, but I have always made an effort with his side of the family so it's not like it's one sided. Makes me v sad that the prospect of an hour of chitchat with my dad is so terrible that he's willing to make an issue out of this.

AIBU for thinking he's being a bit self-centred?! Almost feel like telling him not to come after all as feel it's only going to cause more stress...

OP posts:
Bringmewineandcake · 19/08/2020 01:34

I'd tell him not to come, he sounds like an arse.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/08/2020 01:36

He would rather you are uncomfortable, very pregnant, than he is.

And this "the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go" sounds very manipulative and frankly nasty.

DH and I live respectively hundreds and thousands of miles away from our family. We make an effort because you have to when you live miles away. He needs to suck it up.

Does he make efforts for you in other ways or is it always this way around?

BeaLola · 19/08/2020 01:37

Poor you and what a lovely Dad you have

I would be tempted to tell your husband not to bother - sounds like a much nicer holiday without him

Sorry if that sounds harsh but he sounds very entitled - it's an hour in the car for him - he can nod off and blame the stress of work

I think the comment about the easier it is for him etc made me think good luck raising two children with him

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 19/08/2020 01:38

I’d tell him to either accept the lift from your Dad with good grace or not come at all.

However can he justify being such a selfish and inconsiderate wanker? What must your parents think of a partner who wants you to do this? That must be such a worry for them, seeing him appear to care so little for you.

I’m staggered that anyone could behave this way tbh. Is he usually this awful?

managedmis · 19/08/2020 01:39

Yeah, he's an idiot

He should stay home. He sounds like a sulker

Barryisland · 19/08/2020 01:40

Why have you had 2 children with this man?

Hopefulhen · 19/08/2020 02:20

He sounds controlling and threatening. How can you tolerate being with a man who dislikes your family for no reason? He is telling you that he’s going to be an arsehole if you don’t do exactly what he wants.

Annist · 19/08/2020 02:25

I think you know you're nothing like unreasonable. Tell him he can come or stay home. The end.

Mincingfuckdragon2 · 19/08/2020 02:37

"the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go".

Or, put another way "do as I want or I'll make things hard for you".

That's really quite worrying, OP. Think about what he's really saying here.

Hanab · 19/08/2020 03:10

Why is he bothering to even visit??
Selfish a€>

Noneformethanks · 19/08/2020 03:12

Why does he have to come?

Brokensunrise · 19/08/2020 03:13

Quite simply he cares more about his own needs than yours. What kind of a man would think that way compared to his very pregnant wife? Not a good one, that’s for sure. He sounds manipulative and controlling if this is common behaviour which I suspect it is....

pasturesgreen · 19/08/2020 03:18

Christ...That's not "a bit self-centred", it's downright nasty: what sort of man speaks like that to his very pregnant wife?

Tell him not to come, you'll have a much better time.

tartantroosers · 19/08/2020 03:22

Wanker. LTB

isabellerossignol · 19/08/2020 03:28

Well now you know that your discomfort doesn't matter to him. Which can't be a pleasant thing to discover.

I'd be interested to hear his reasoning as to why the mother of his unborn child's discomfort matters so little to him, because I'm hard pushed to think of an explanation that isn't some variation on 'because I'm more important'.

SarahBellam · 19/08/2020 03:31

He’s an arse. Who the hell does he think he is? The queen? Tell him not to bother, the self centred prick.

pallisers · 19/08/2020 03:44

tell him not to bother coming - it is clearly too much effort for him.

and then seriously think about what this means about him and what this means for your life when you have the baby:

the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go

i think you are married to a dud tbh. Any man who cares more about his own comfort when his wife is 36 weeks pregnant is a dud

Topseyt · 19/08/2020 03:58

I'd tell him not to bother coming. He will only behave like an arse anyway.

TitsOutForHarambe · 19/08/2020 04:14

I would tell him that no one will be picking him up from the airport until he sorts his attitude out. What an arse.

Suzi888 · 19/08/2020 04:37

Wow. Tell him not to come, for two days is it even worth it? If he does come then your dad will pick him up or if you collect him, he can drive back. What a Queen he is.....” the easier things are for
me” bloody hell. I’d slap him stupid 😂 lol

Yeahnahmum · 19/08/2020 04:39

What a great man you married.
You are not being unreasonable at all. He is being an arse. A big one.

BoomBoomsCousin · 19/08/2020 05:21

"the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go"

Just WOW. What a catch..

curiouslypacific · 19/08/2020 05:28

sounds like the sort of nonsense my ex would pull. He became increasingly abusive and my life has been immeasurably better since I left him.

Now-DH would happily make his own way, but would be polite and grateful if someone came to pick him up, no matter who it was. He's not an entitled, sulky prick though.

Your 'd'H isn't just a bit self centered, he's outright telling you he's an entitled cock - 'do what I want or I'll punish you. You're here to serve me, your feelings and needs are unimportant'. This is the mindset of an abusive man.

MadinMarch · 19/08/2020 05:30

*"the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go".

Or, put another way "do as I want or I'll make things hard for you".

That's really quite worrying, OP. Think about what he's really saying here.*

This!
Tell him not to bother coming, as his time would be better spent thinking about his own statement and what it really means.
You need to address his selfish and self centred attitude with him now, or his unreasonable demands will always trump your needs forever.
I'd be tempted to reflect his statement back to him. When he kicks off that you won't drive to the airport, tell him "the easier my day is, the better it tends to go".

alexdgr8 · 19/08/2020 05:42

stay with your parents, Op, and tell him to f---k off.

you know this can't last.
get out before you are really damaged.
your parents love you. can't you tell the difference.
would you want someone like him for your own daughter.