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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pick DH up from airport late in 3rd trimester

140 replies

squishytomato · 19/08/2020 01:32

Currently on a short visit with DS (2.5yrs) to my parents in France, who we haven't seen since January. Am also 36w preggo with #2. Appreciate many will disagree with us travelling at the mo (case of "if not now, then not for a v long time" due to birth reg delays and passport backlogs) but that's not really my question.

DH is due to fly out tomorrow to join us for last couple of days of trip. Airport is about an hour and a quarter drive away, so 3hrs ish round trip to pick him up. In normal circs I would of course do so. However 3rd trimester is what it is - bad backache, swollen legs, generally feeling exhausted/sore/uncomfortable etc - such that I don't fancy a long trip in the driving seat. Especially in my parent's car which I haven't driven in over a year - makes me a bit nervous.

My dad is v conscious of the pregnancy and is insisting on picking DH up, which I'm grateful for. DH on other hand doesn't like this idea - his view is that he is making the effort to come out here, so I can make the effort to pick him up (he doesn't love spending time with my family even though he acknowledges they've been nothing but nice to him).

Feel like he's guilt tripping me into this and if I don't do it he will be a grumpy sod the whole two days (in his words, "the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go"). Granted, I did ask him to come, but I have always made an effort with his side of the family so it's not like it's one sided. Makes me v sad that the prospect of an hour of chitchat with my dad is so terrible that he's willing to make an issue out of this.

AIBU for thinking he's being a bit self-centred?! Almost feel like telling him not to come after all as feel it's only going to cause more stress...

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 19/08/2020 07:19

"the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go"

What an idiot.

user1471481356 · 19/08/2020 07:20

At first I thought YWBU, then read your dad can pick him up and I now think he is being very unreasonable. He can get public transport if he doesn’t want your dad to collect him!

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2020 07:22

Mmmm selfish. Very selfish. But if you’re going back to the uk to give birth, that would also be the epitome of selfishness.

Morfin · 19/08/2020 07:25

Good question about what are you going to do about the 14 day isolation if you go into labour, presumably risk a whole ward of new mothers and babies and staff. Personally think your actions are selfish but do are his, did he think you going was a good idea? Not justifying his horrible threat however that is 🚩

00100001 · 19/08/2020 07:25

Right charmer you've got there.

Tell him not to bother and you'll see him when you get home.

Weebitawks · 19/08/2020 07:26

He sounds like a prick.

Also, how are you getting back to England?

ineedaholidaynow · 19/08/2020 07:26

Hope your insurance is good

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 19/08/2020 07:26

0p said her choice to travel is not up for discussion

legalseagull · 19/08/2020 07:27

@AnnaFour

Perfectly illustrating some post from the other day avoid why people have more than one child with a knobber. This is clearly not new behaviour yet you’ve chosen to stay and have another baby with this prince. So YABU to complain.
Lets hope you never try to help someone leave DV - you've had it before so you're unreasonable to complain?! Bloody hell. I can't believe some women.
vanillandhoney · 19/08/2020 07:29

How are you going to have your baby in England when you need to quarantine for two weeks?

What happens if you go into labour before the two weeks is up?

drspouse · 19/08/2020 07:29

Make things comfortable for him or he will... Do what? That's the question. Are you tiptoeing round him or is it all bluster or is he verbally or physically abusive.
If it's all bluster tell him how it sounds and to get his act together.
If either of the others get yourself out. Now.

Butchyrestingface · 19/08/2020 07:31

He sounds like a nasty bastard. Surely you'd have a nicer time with him staying away?

Do you want to have this baby in France - preferably with him far, far away?

PlanDeRaccordement · 19/08/2020 07:33

YANBU
DH is being a bit Precious unless your father and he do not get along at all. If the car ride would be your dad criticising and insulting your DH, then I can see DH has a point.

Even so, you can’t safely drive that distance, so if it is the case that father and DH are like two badgers in a sock, maybe create nest in the back seat with cushions and go along for the airport pickup.

lotusbell · 19/08/2020 07:34

I don't understand why you've chosen to go so late in your pregnancy, aside from the fact you haven't seen your parents for ages. Why is DH coming out just for 2 days? He doesn't want to spend 3 hours in the car with your dad, obviously. His attitude stinks though.
What would you have done if your dad had not offered and how are you getting home?
Seems quite a strange situation.

Feelingconfused2020 · 19/08/2020 07:35

Tell him your dad's offer has expired and he now has a choice between staying home or public transport. Don't put your dad out like that for an ignorant arsehole.

latulipe · 19/08/2020 07:35

Tell him not to bother. How incredibly selfish of him.

Pineapple5678 · 19/08/2020 07:37

@CrowdedHouseinQuarantine

0p said her choice to travel is not up for discussion
I think it's a very important part of the question. If her husband didn't want her to travel but she chose to any it would go some way towards explaining his behaviour
Shesapunkpunk · 19/08/2020 07:37

You think people will disagree with your travel? When you are married to a massive cunt? Oh no no no. No one has an opinion on your travel plans, but we are all wondering why you would even wonder whether you should pick that twat up. Um, the answer is no. And also pray that the cunt takes a hint and fucks off for good.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2020 07:37

@CrowdedHouseinQuarantine

0p said her choice to travel is not up for discussion
Just because op isn’t prepared to discuss it with people on the thread, it doesn’t mean others can’t discuss it. 🤷‍♀️

It is pretty obvious she’s intending to return otherwise she would not have got on the defensive. She is 36 weeks and not busting a gut to get to the UK. The longer she waits, the more chance of her needing to be hospitalised within 14 days return. It is disgusting to knowingly put birthing women and newborns at potential risk of dying.

Notonthestairs · 19/08/2020 07:38

He picks up a hire car from airport. You return with hire car 2 days later.

Or he doesn't come at all.

Second option looks better to me.

Shesapunkpunk · 19/08/2020 07:39

Oh clearly some cunts do. Just fuck off,

AnotherEmma · 19/08/2020 07:39

@Bringmewineandcake

I'd tell him not to come, he sounds like an arse.
This
PotteringAlong · 19/08/2020 07:39

You’re in France.
You’re 36 week pregnant
If you go into labour within 2 weeks of getting home you will be abandoning quarantine rules to give birth.
You have to get home somehow

And it’s not possible for you to drive to the airport to pick him up?

Noneformethanks · 19/08/2020 07:40

I actually agree thinking about it - if the husband was totally against the travel in the first place it would go a long way to explaining his attitude (and I can see how he would be with the Op and him having to quarantine when they got back)

Feelingconfused2020 · 19/08/2020 07:43

@Shesapunkpunk I haven't commented on the ops travel plans up to now but she has to be quarantined for two weeks when she returns. She should really be going home now to reduce the chance of her needing to be in hospital within those two weeks.

Also I don't think the husband should really be going at all given the advice is not to travel to France. I assume he isn't insured.