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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to pick DH up from airport late in 3rd trimester

140 replies

squishytomato · 19/08/2020 01:32

Currently on a short visit with DS (2.5yrs) to my parents in France, who we haven't seen since January. Am also 36w preggo with #2. Appreciate many will disagree with us travelling at the mo (case of "if not now, then not for a v long time" due to birth reg delays and passport backlogs) but that's not really my question.

DH is due to fly out tomorrow to join us for last couple of days of trip. Airport is about an hour and a quarter drive away, so 3hrs ish round trip to pick him up. In normal circs I would of course do so. However 3rd trimester is what it is - bad backache, swollen legs, generally feeling exhausted/sore/uncomfortable etc - such that I don't fancy a long trip in the driving seat. Especially in my parent's car which I haven't driven in over a year - makes me a bit nervous.

My dad is v conscious of the pregnancy and is insisting on picking DH up, which I'm grateful for. DH on other hand doesn't like this idea - his view is that he is making the effort to come out here, so I can make the effort to pick him up (he doesn't love spending time with my family even though he acknowledges they've been nothing but nice to him).

Feel like he's guilt tripping me into this and if I don't do it he will be a grumpy sod the whole two days (in his words, "the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go"). Granted, I did ask him to come, but I have always made an effort with his side of the family so it's not like it's one sided. Makes me v sad that the prospect of an hour of chitchat with my dad is so terrible that he's willing to make an issue out of this.

AIBU for thinking he's being a bit self-centred?! Almost feel like telling him not to come after all as feel it's only going to cause more stress...

OP posts:
TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 19/08/2020 08:31

What she meant is she was fine to travel when it suited her.

Errr. Yes. Like I was prepared to waddle to the 7-11 a block over for snacks when I wanted them, but if DP tried to send me out to get biscuits for him, I would have told him to get knotted.. Now if DP had offered to get the snacks for me (and he did sometimes), then that would have been gratefully accepted, as it was much easier for him, but in no way required or expected like OP's husband is here.

He's a grown adult, she's not his mum, she doesn't have to be very uncomfortable just to hold his hand. She is allowed to take her discomfort into consideration (just as he should) and choose when it's worth it, and when it isn't!

SoupDragon · 19/08/2020 08:32

@Camphillgirl

It’s not worth going to France for 2 days and then having to quarantine for 2 weeks. Make it easy for him. Tell him to stay home.
This.

It's utter madness!

Chloemol · 19/08/2020 08:33

Can he afford to come now he has to quarantine when he gets back?

Tell him not to come, or you go with your dad to pick him up

MaybeDoctor · 19/08/2020 08:35

She might have travelled to France by train?

honeygirlz · 19/08/2020 08:37

I agree with others, tell him to stay home. He sounds a nasty, manipulative twat.

msflibble · 19/08/2020 08:39

Tell him that if you can make the effort to carry his child for 9 months, he can make the effort to not force you to drive a car with swollen legs when your dad can easily do it.

Honestly OP I know that one post rarely represents the whole picture of a person or relationship, but from what you've written here he sounds like a selfish manipulative prick.

goatley · 19/08/2020 08:41

DH could hire a car at thr Airport.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 19/08/2020 08:42

well you married an utter bastard and neither of you seem to have the sense you were born with

36 weeks and travelling with a toddler to a quarantined area for a short break???

Really would like to know more about the thoughts behind this other than "if not now then when??" that made this disastrous plan seem like a good idea!

msflibble · 19/08/2020 08:43

*Your husband wants a heavily pregnant woman to do a 3 hour drive, which will be exhausting and very uncomfortable, so he does not need to chat with your dad for an hour, and tells you he will make your life difficult if you don't obey.

Tell him to fuck the fuck off.*

This. A thousand times this.

RiteAid · 19/08/2020 08:44

Your husband is being a tosser. Is it even worth him coming if it’s just for two days and he’s going to be an arsehole about it?

bossyrossy · 19/08/2020 08:46

Why is he going to France for a couple of days when he will have to spend two weeks in quarantine when he gets back to the UK? As will you.

Pebblexox · 19/08/2020 08:47

From reading the information you've given, your husband is being an arse.
However without all the information, it's very difficult to make a honest opinion.
At 36 weeks pregnant, you can't fly so how are you getting home? Are you driving? If so I can see why your husband would be frustrated. Are you going against the rules and flying home?
Is your husband annoyed you chose to travel this late in pregnancy during the middle of a pandemic, is that why he's being awkward? Is he just a twat?

MadCatLady71 · 19/08/2020 08:49

He’s obviously being an arse and you are not being unreasonable being irritated.

Why don’t you go along in the car with your dad - at least you won’t be driving and the two of you can have some quality time. Hopefully seeing you have made the effort to go and meet him will stave off any sulking on DP’s part.

And in future, never ask him to be involved in your time with your family. Why let him spoil it? By the same measure, don’t put yourself out to join in with his (unless you actively want to, of course).

Porcupineinwaiting · 19/08/2020 08:56

Is he abusive? He sounds abusive. If you tell him not to come what will he be like when you get home?

BoggledBudgie · 19/08/2020 08:59

You’re not the first woman in the world to be pregnant ffs

Nanny0gg · 19/08/2020 09:05

@BoggledBudgie

You’re not the first woman in the world to be pregnant ffs
I wouldn't be driving in a different country in a strange car so close to giving birth
KatharinaRosalie · 19/08/2020 09:08

I would not be driving for 3 hours when 36w pregnant in any country or car, if there were perfectly fine alternative options available.

MangoFeverDream · 19/08/2020 09:14

Hospitals are expecting people to be admitted who are quarantining/self-isolating due to symptoms, including pregnant women. In the unlikely event that OP goes into labour two weeks early she just needs to tell them she's quarantining after a visit to family abroad and they will barrier nurse. It really isn't the big deal people seem to be implying

Agree. It’s not a huge risk and hospitals are prepared for this either way.

Most of France isn’t even having a problem! My understanding is that the problem is confined to a certain area and it’s unlikely the OP is there.

Etinox · 19/08/2020 09:27

Tell him to stay at home and stay in France with your parents

mumwon · 19/08/2020 09:28

was there an argument about visiting France? Could it be that he wants a private time with you to discuss this? The trouble with any discussion is that we only know what the op is willing to tell us ie a single side of the discussion
However if the comment he made is symptomatic of your relationship & he makes this comment as a method of control its a cause for concern

Nixen · 19/08/2020 09:32

I’d leave him and move to France. See how he likes that

despairingandunhappy · 19/08/2020 09:48

the easier things are for me the better they tend to go

That sounds like a threat, that if if you’re not pandering to is every move he’ll spoil it, you’re gonna be on eggshells all the time now wondering if he’s happy. Honestly I’d tell him to stay at home

WildfirePonie · 19/08/2020 10:01

He sounds controlling.

Can you dump him and stay in France? Is that an option? Do your parents know what he is like?

LIZS · 19/08/2020 10:02

Can your dad drive and you go as well?

gamerchick · 19/08/2020 10:05

Almost feel like telling him not to come after all as feel it's only going to cause more stress

Sounds like you have the answer right there OP. Why spoil the last couple of days if your holiday feeling anxious and on edge?

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