To not want to pick DH up from airport late in 3rd trimester

[squishytomato]

Currently on a short visit with DS (2.5yrs) to my parents in France, who we haven't seen since January. Am also 36w preggo with #2. Appreciate many will disagree with us travelling at the mo (case of "if not now, then not for a v long time" due to birth reg delays and passport backlogs) but that's not really my question.

DH is due to fly out tomorrow to join us for last couple of days of trip. Airport is about an hour and a quarter drive away, so 3hrs ish round trip to pick him up. In normal circs I would of course do so. However 3rd trimester is what it is - bad backache, swollen legs, generally feeling exhausted/sore/uncomfortable etc - such that I don't fancy a long trip in the driving seat. Especially in my parent's car which I haven't driven in over a year - makes me a bit nervous.

My dad is v conscious of the pregnancy and is insisting on picking DH up, which I'm grateful for. DH on other hand doesn't like this idea - his view is that he is making the effort to come out here, so I can make the effort to pick him up (he doesn't love spending time with my family even though he acknowledges they've been nothing but nice to him).

Feel like he's guilt tripping me into this and if I don't do it he will be a grumpy sod the whole two days (in his words, "the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go"). Granted, I did ask him to come, but I have always made an effort with his side of the family so it's not like it's one sided. Makes me v sad that the prospect of an hour of chitchat with my dad is so terrible that he's willing to make an issue out of this.

AIBU for thinking he's being a bit self-centred?! Almost feel like telling him not to come after all as feel it's only going to cause more stress...

the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go

It’s interesting people are reading such sinister intent into this; I completely read it a different way.

@BoggledBudgie

You’re not the first woman in the world to be pregnant ffs

So women aren't allowed to say how hard being pregnant is because they're not the first?

"The easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go”

Wow. That is staggeringly manipulative and entitled. He sounds like an utter bellend, quite possibly abusive, if there’s more examples like this (and I suspect there are many).

Op not been back then ?

Tell him not to come, you're better off without him. What a horrible man

Yanbu at all for not wanting to drive if your dad will do it but YABU for staying with an arse of a husband.

@Dyrne

the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go

It’s interesting people are reading such sinister intent into this; I completely read it a different way.

Considering that OP read it, and I quite 'if I don't do it he will be a grumpy sod the whole two days', how would you read it?

Tell him your going and send your dad anyway

I guess there is a backstory why OP at 36 weeks pregnant has travelled alone with a toddler to a country that is on the quarantine list (and I am not judging at all). I wonder if it was a escape from the husband...

"The easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go"

This is not necessarily awful IF he was asking the OP to do something not particularly difficult for her and she was willing to do it. My DP finds packing very stressful so in this scenario I might have packed a case for him before I left so he didn't get flustered getting everything ready. Fine - I am organised and like packing. He hates it, and does other things for me that I hate.

The key point I think is that I like to sometimes do things that make life easier for my DP, unless that means putting myself under a lot of stress and discomfort instead. He is very grateful if I do things for him and would certainly not expect me to, or suggest them.

Here he is asking you to be very uncomfortable to save himself being slightly uncomfortable. Not ok.

He has form for being grumpy for two days for minor issues like the "wrong person" picking him up. Again, not ok.

I'd be telling him not to come and then considering how he acts in the relationship more generally. Does he display such a lack of care for you normally?

I guess there is a backstory why OP at 36 weeks pregnant has travelled alone with a toddler to a country that is on the quarantine list

It’s going to be easier to travel with just one toddler while pregnant than a toddler and a baby. Also, all that paperwork to get a baby ready to go abroad takes time. I’ve had this dilemma and made a similar choice (also, many airlines don’t check for a fitness to fly certificate ....)

So your dad is offering to pick him out, so he's not going to be "put out" in the slightest but he's still trying to force you to do it? What a pig. Sorry

@BoggledBudgie really struggling to see what your point is I must say.

I wasn't the first woman to be pregnant but I still didn't enjoy the pain, puking, constant nausea, swollen legs, sleeplessness and general exhaustion that came with it. Why exactly should a heavily pregnant woman drive 3 hours to pick up her whining twat of a husband when her decidedly not-pregnant DF has kindly offered to do it instead?

@Dyrne

the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go

It’s interesting people are reading such sinister intent into this; I completely read it a different way.

@Dyrne - how did you read it?