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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pick DH up from airport late in 3rd trimester

140 replies

squishytomato · 19/08/2020 01:32

Currently on a short visit with DS (2.5yrs) to my parents in France, who we haven't seen since January. Am also 36w preggo with #2. Appreciate many will disagree with us travelling at the mo (case of "if not now, then not for a v long time" due to birth reg delays and passport backlogs) but that's not really my question.

DH is due to fly out tomorrow to join us for last couple of days of trip. Airport is about an hour and a quarter drive away, so 3hrs ish round trip to pick him up. In normal circs I would of course do so. However 3rd trimester is what it is - bad backache, swollen legs, generally feeling exhausted/sore/uncomfortable etc - such that I don't fancy a long trip in the driving seat. Especially in my parent's car which I haven't driven in over a year - makes me a bit nervous.

My dad is v conscious of the pregnancy and is insisting on picking DH up, which I'm grateful for. DH on other hand doesn't like this idea - his view is that he is making the effort to come out here, so I can make the effort to pick him up (he doesn't love spending time with my family even though he acknowledges they've been nothing but nice to him).

Feel like he's guilt tripping me into this and if I don't do it he will be a grumpy sod the whole two days (in his words, "the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go"). Granted, I did ask him to come, but I have always made an effort with his side of the family so it's not like it's one sided. Makes me v sad that the prospect of an hour of chitchat with my dad is so terrible that he's willing to make an issue out of this.

AIBU for thinking he's being a bit self-centred?! Almost feel like telling him not to come after all as feel it's only going to cause more stress...

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 19/08/2020 07:43

Just go in the car with your dad. He drives. You are there too. Husband happy.

Pinkdelight3 · 19/08/2020 07:44

Your DH is BU, but he shouldn't come and you should go back. Your trip there at 36 weeks is BU. Your parents could come to see you or you could've waited for baby passport and done it later. It doesn't make it okay to risk breaking quarantine when you go into labour. Forget about this airport thing. Get back and be sensible.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/08/2020 07:44

Your dh is bu reacting like this.

You are being very foolish going so late in your pregnancy. You may not be able to properly quarantine for the full 2 weeks before delivery

PotteringAlong · 19/08/2020 07:46

You also say that you make the effort with his family, but unless you see them for 2 days and then are not allowed to leave the house for the next 14 it’s not really the same.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 19/08/2020 07:47

You both sound well suited to each other.

angelfishrock · 19/08/2020 07:49

can you even go the airport? though you have to quarantine on arrival for 2 weeks?

as for DH - if he has to quarantine 2 weeks upon arrival, how would he return to the airport 2 days later? is that allowed?

What happens if the baby arrives early and you have to go to hospital in the UK. they surely will let you deliver but would he allowed to come with you if it were in the quarantine timeframe?

you see, there are a lot of reasons for him to not come!

Feelingconfused2020 · 19/08/2020 07:51

Mumdiva99

Just go in the car with your dad. He drives. You are there too. Husband happy.

Why the hell should she do this just to keep her husband happy? It's the kind of thing someone might do for a nervous toddler.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 19/08/2020 07:58

Your husband sounds nasty, give him a choice, either your lovely dad picks him up or he stays at home. I don'tknow why you would even persuade him to join you when he is such a git

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 19/08/2020 08:05

Hell no, YANBU. (I am ignoring anything else).

At 36 weeks, I was so permanently uncomfortable each time that I didn't do anything I didn't want to. Flip flops, slow waddle, permanently fidgeting, no way I would drive 3 hours, or even sit in a car for 3 hours so a grown man didn't have to sit next to my dad for 1.5 hours. Sod that for a game of soldiers!

KatharinaRosalie · 19/08/2020 08:08

Your husband wants a heavily pregnant woman to do a 3 hour drive, which will be exhausting and very uncomfortable, so he does not need to chat with your dad for an hour, and tells you he will make your life difficult if you don't obey.

Tell him to fuck the fuck off.

Morfin · 19/08/2020 08:09

@TreestumpsAndTrampolines

Hell no, YANBU. (I am ignoring anything else).

At 36 weeks, I was so permanently uncomfortable each time that I didn't do anything I didn't want to. Flip flops, slow waddle, permanently fidgeting, no way I would drive 3 hours, or even sit in a car for 3 hours so a grown man didn't have to sit next to my dad for 1.5 hours. Sod that for a game of soldiers!

But she's going to do that to get home. Maybe her DH was against her traveling for safety /comfort reasons and she reassured him she was fine to travel. What she meant is she was fine to travel when it suited her. He is still a twat if he threatened her but neither are coming off well.
Namechangearoo · 19/08/2020 08:11

I’d be heartbroken if my DH ever spoke to me like that. Or if he put his comfort before mine at 36 weeks pregnant. That attitude would be a dealbreaker for me and would need a serious discussion, and if no movement from him then I’d honestly bin him.

ErinBrockovich · 19/08/2020 08:12

Just waiting for the inevitable “he’s a great dad” post that you know will be coming.

If he had no transport I’d be saying he has a point. However, he has a lift ready and waiting so no, YANBU. But then you know that, don’t you.

Namechangearoo · 19/08/2020 08:13

She’s not going to do a round trip though, is she @Morfin? 3 hours is very different to 1.5 hours.

FlySheMust · 19/08/2020 08:17

Tell him to stay home. Miserable git.

Noneformethanks · 19/08/2020 08:20

@Namechangearoo

She’s not going to do a round trip though, is she *@Morfin*? 3 hours is very different to 1.5 hours.
How long is the flight plus the drive once they’re home?

So selfish to put a ton of other mothers and babies at risk.

Not to mention all the hcps. There will be maternity check ups and all sorts. How are they going to happen if you’re quarantined? Imagine the op develops something life threatening that is missed because checks can’t happen. Doesn’t bear thinking about.

MarthasGinYard · 19/08/2020 08:20

'Just to put a different perspective; I think he may not realise that you are so uncomfortable - after all, you’ve already decided to go out to a foreign country at a very late stage of pregnancy in the middle of a pandemic (plus bit weird to demand your husband faces a 14 day quarantine, for a 2 day visit). You’ve essentially said to your husband already “I don’t care if you are at the birth” due to the late stage and quarantine timelines.

Bit weird to be doing all that travelling, taking on all that risk, then turning round to play the “poor pregnant woman” card.'

Can't help but agree with this really,

Morfin · 19/08/2020 08:22

@Namechangearoo

She’s not going to do a round trip though, is she *@Morfin*? 3 hours is very different to 1.5 hours.
It's 1.5 to the airport, she'd either need to fly (prob not possible) or to the tunnel (which is about 70km from nearest airport) or ferry and then home, which will be more than three hours, on her own with a toddler if DH doesn't arrive.
CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 19/08/2020 08:23

you can share the car with your dad,
share the driving.
you are capable of driving?
but take turns.

SchrodingersUnicorn · 19/08/2020 08:25

Hospitals are expecting people to be admitted who are quarantining/self-isolating due to symptoms, including pregnant women. In the unlikely event that OP goes into labour two weeks early she just needs to tell them she's quarantining after a visit to family abroad and they will barrier nurse. It really isn't the big deal people seem to be implying.

IncrediblySadToo · 19/08/2020 08:26

the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go"

What?

Bloody hell, you're married to a selfish, nasty, twat.

I think it would make more sense to stay at your parents indefinitely and tell him
Not to bother coming. Being a single parent would be far better than being married to this jack ass.

OverTheRainbow88 · 19/08/2020 08:26

On return you may also go into labour during the 2 weeks you are supposed to be staying at home, Potentially taking covid into a maternity ward.

Nottherealslimshady · 19/08/2020 08:26

*"the easier these things are for me, the better they tend to go".

Or, put another way "do as I want or I'll make things hard for you"*

This. He's a selfish wanker. It's not like you're making him walk. And I felt sorry for your dad that he's offered a favour and is not appreciated.

Camphillgirl · 19/08/2020 08:27

It’s not worth going to France for 2 days and then having to quarantine for 2 weeks. Make it easy for him. Tell him to stay home.

IncrediblySadToo · 19/08/2020 08:29

Travelling out to see her parents she thought the discomfit was worth it. That's entirely different than spending 3 hours in a car to pick up her (dickhead) husband when her Dad has offered to go. Her husband is being a nasty bully & you're backing him up. How horrible.