Close relative getting married soon. Up and down relationship but things are going well and eager to keep things good.
Got married myself last year and had B2B as bridesmaid, paid for dresses (let them pick their own style but said about colours), didn’t care about hair/makeup/shoes etc. B2B chose to have makeup done professionally whilst my MoH did mine. All fine, no issues at wedding and she was a great support on the day.
B2B getting married next year in very expensive place and the whole thing is very extravagant but each to their own. I’m trying to be very enthusiastic and supportive and genuinely do want her to have the best day possible. However, costs are becoming a bit much. Been informed that we need to have hair and makeup done at our cost to the tune of around £100. On top of that been guilted into £150 accommodation despite it actually being close to home (have a child so easier to take home) as they’ll have to cover rooms not used and lots of guests have said they’ll go home so she’s stressing about that. Been told we have to buy dress, which is looking at around £100. There’s a gift registry we’ll have to buy a gift from. Drinks at expensive place. Never mind suits for DH and DS’s. Looks like there’s going to be at least 2 maybe 3 hen do’s.
We could technically afford it, but we have a small amount of debt to pay off from our wedding, and live within our means. Want to start saving for a house too and the money this wedding is going to cost would be a lovely holiday for the four of us (we can’t afford one this year regardless of COVID and only managed a cheap staycation last year). Would also note my DPs offered to contribute a hefty sum towards a family holiday as a wedding gift for this year. Obviously COVID hit and they were keen to book earlier in the year so they could afford other relatives wedding (paying for v expensive dress and perhaps more). We’ve told them not to worry and to forget about it. Genuinely don’t mind but stings a bit when weighing up how the money that needs to be spent on this wedding could be spent on a holiday. I’m also loathed to pay more on hair and makeup than I could stomach paying for my own wedding. She needs enough people to be able to have the person she wants but it’s the same with the rooms too. I just feel as though we’re inadvertently subsidising this extravagant wedding after we budgeted accordingly for ours and didn’t ask for anything from anyone as didn’t feel it was fair to expect people to be worrying about money just to attend our wedding.
Also a bit peeved that B2B is getting help from family that we didn’t (we did reject any financial help in fairness) but they’ve now been saying how they’ve managed to start saving for a house and can’t help but feel like we’re sacrificing a family holiday to pay for their expensive wedding whilst they’re still having extravagant birthday gifts/saving for a house etc that we can’t afford.
Sorry for being vague but would really like some advice on what to do. DH thinks we should suck it up as want to keep the relationship good, as do I, really really badly. But I cannot help but feel really put out by all of it. It just doesn’t sit right to keep saying yes to the detriment of my children.
Can I say no? Without damaging the relationship? Or should I just suck this up to keep everything ticking along smoothly.
Another factor is the other bridesmaid and I have spoken and she’s going to go along with whatever I do. She can’t afford it either but also wants to keep the peace and get the feeling she’s thinking if I say yes she’ll look awful if she’s saying no despite the fact I’m dead against it.