What has been the lowest point of your life?

[Mooooove]

Could be anything - money, job, relationships

I'm feeling low about the way my life has gone since the coronavirus. Job will be over end of September and i'm worried about money and competition to find another job with the recession.

The last 9 months have been the worst of my life. Our DD was stillborn in November at 41 weeks during labour. She was our first child.

We never imagined when we were leaving home to go to the hospital we would end up returning without her. Our hopes and dreams were wiped out in an instant. The past few months have been agony, and I still have days where I cant believe it happened.

Some days are brighter now but that intense raw grief is still ever present and for us life will never be the same. We'll just have to try to learn to live with losing her.

Thank you @JonsInfiniteWisdom means a lot! I know I’m not alone, this thread really helps wirh that.

I have three:

• Being ‘cut off’ by my father at 19, my stepmother was being particularly unpleasant to me (and I wasn’t just being a petulant teenager - as a reasonably mature adult now, I can confidently say she behaved atrociously) and him screaming at me that he wouldn’t speak to me until I would get on with her was a real low. The sting of that rejection from someone I should have always been able to rely on was horrid and has really stuck with me.

• Being in a really bad relationship with a man that treated me dreadfully, lots of shouting and controlling behaviour. Low point was when I would drive round in circles and sit in the car park at tesco for hours rather than go home.

• Working in a toxic job that was making me utterly miserable. The low point was when I started crying one Sunday morning thinking about the next day and quite literally couldn’t stop.

The only thing that helped with all of these was taking back control. I went NC with my father (he ironically now begs to talk to me), dumped the abusive boyfriend (who cried and said he didn’t see it coming) and quit the job with nothing to go to (the look on my bosses face was one of the high points of my career).

I’m now married to a lovely man with lovely kids, don’t interact with my father at all, have a nice job that I like. It always gets better!!

There’s been many unfortunately, but the worst has got to be losing my brother to suicide, and having to deal with not only my own grief and emotions but my mum’s too-who, as you can imagine was absolutely beside herself. My dad was also suffering from Alzheimer’s at the time, so had him to worry about too, as well as having young children to care for. The stress, grief and worrying about my parents whilst coping with the demands of my children almost led to me having a bit of a breakdown myself and the effects on myself and my family lasted many years unfortunately

I've had a few. Some pretty terrible parts of my childhood, I won't go into details.

Living in a city I didn't know, with no friends or family nearby and I job I was way out of my depth in at 20. My parents had moved 250 miles away just prior to my own move and it was going home to stay at my dear grandads every weekend that got me through. I had my own flat but being with him made me feel like someone cared and I had a place in the world at the point.

When my beautiful DD1 was stillborn 5.5 years ago. I delivered her at home in the middle of the night while my exH slept. I was in so much pain and so scared and so heartbroken. My dear grandad died of cancer a year later, after being very ill for 6 months. There was then a terrible array of family fall outs regarding his will, which left me feeling gutted and very betrayed by the majority of my wider family. I still can't think about this time without crying, but I am very lucky to have a beautiful DD2 now who is 4.

The first half of 2019 was horrendous. My best friend killed herself and I felt (still feel) a huge amount of guilt at not being able to help her more and stop her. In the aftermath of this I realised my very unhappy marriage was actually a rather abusive one, and that I was basically replaying my own childhood. This was a crashing realisation and ending the marriage was very hard. My exH is and always will be a difficult person to be involved in and I feel huge guilt about the potential impact of it all my dd.

However, there have been many good things too. I'm now qualified and work in a job I love and find very fulfilling. I am in a great healthy relationship with a man that is the love of my life and I have my wonderful dd. Tough times happen to us all, that's the way life goes, but it goes the other way too. Things will improve, better days will come, they always do.

Second last miscarriage was an incredible low point in my life and it still hurts even though it wasn’t recent.

My DF died at 54 and my DM was then killed in a car accident at 69, complicated circumstances which made it worse.
I'm hoping that's as low as it gets as luckily otherwise, my life has been great. Very lucky in many many respects.

Wiping my Dad's bottom when he was dying of cancer. He was 58. It had caused him to lose his cognitive ability, sight and most of his hearing.

My father and grandfather died within a week of each other when I was 8 months pregnant. It was a dreadful time in my life.

My 2 miscarriages and when my youngest 2 children went to the nicu. Sorry that sounds really pathetic and like I haven't experienced "real" problems. I have lost a parent and several grandparents too but the miscarriages and babies in nicu were worse.

I went on to have more babies after my miscarriages and my youngest 2 are now happy and healthy, albeit with some long term delays.

I witnessed an accidental suicide when I was 17. Close range gunshot to the head. I was sitting next to the person who died.

It changed me forever. Took about 25 years to truly come to terms with it. But I did.

Sitting in an antenatal ward on my own following the birth of DS who was taken to NICU. I’d had a C section and could barely walk. The midwife couldn’t leave the ward to take me to DS. I sat on my own sobbing behind the curtain with a tea spoon a syringe and a cup trying to hand express colostrum for my baby I was convinced was going to die whilst other happy couples arrived in labour / to be induced. I had no idea what I was doing or how to express. I didn’t know where my baby was or if he was okay.
I was angry, vulnerable, alone, in pain and I honestly just wanted the earth to swallow me up.
In the end, catheter still in and wee bag in hand, I walked the length of the hospital and down three floors in a lift and banged on the NICU door. Nobody had told DP I was awake / readyto come down / wasn’t in surgery etc - he could have come and got me but didn’t want to leave DS. He was devastated but knew I wouldn’t want him to leave DS.
Thankfully the neo natal nurses were amazing after that.
DS has had a bumpy road and a few hurdles but he’s a healthy happy 8 month old now.
That night still haunts me. I’ve had nightmares constantly about DS dying or being taken from me. PND and anxiety hit hard.

My daughter died. She was 23. I have a lovely DH and. Lovely DS, but will never be whole again.

Rock bottom in terms of how I was living, was one night over 10 years ago, when I sniffed a lot of cocaine, some of it publicly off my acrylic nail, and begged my abusive, ex boyfriend to take me back with slurred speak and rolling eyes.

Second Was the 20 week scan with my most recent son. We were told her has a mass on his lung, I don’t think he is compatible with life but I don’t have a senior doctor here currently’ he gave us a leaflet on terminating for medical reasons and sent us home to wait for a follow up appointment, which took three weeks to come. Baby was fine thankfully, although it was a long, terrifying pregnancy and Labour.

My mum dying.
Becoming homeless so I could leave my abusive ex.
Potentially losing my job due to coronavirus, and all the shit that would come with that.

Sitting in a hospital waiting room with my ex-DP, waiting to be treated for an ectopic pregnancy. Begged him to come in and hold my hand and was told I wasn’t a child and would be fine. Was beyond devastating and I never recovered, relationship was over within the year. Took me a long time to recover but I have a wonderful DH and DSD now and know that I’m worth more.

Right now I'd have to say today. DH has left, I'm drinking way too much and drowning in debt. I also hate my job. I've made a GP appointment to address my drinking though and I'll work from there. And reading some of your stories has made me realise how lucky I am hoping it can only get better from here

A diagnosis of breast cancer at 45 when my youngest child had just turned 9.

My DM dying suddenly not long after I married my DH. Depression, crazy thoughts, finding out we wouldn't be able to have a baby, all within a few months. A very very dark time in my life.

I now have children after lots of help. But I still have dark times about my DM. They are fewer now but still just as intense.

Now.

There just seems to be no point to being here. I go days without seeing anyone or speaking to anyone, and I can't remember when I laughed last. But then I read these replies and feel like I should just get on with it.

I'm so sorry for all of your losses and pain.

My nan dying when I was 12. Losing her was bad enough - we were very close - but my mum was absolutely inconsolable for many months. It coincided with her menopause and my dad's business taking a downward turn. He turned to alcohol and I remember the awful arguments they had so clearly. I found his bottles and tore myself in two about whether or not I should tell my mum and make her life even worse. The one person I confided in was my best friend and she ended up telling the school that my dad was an alcoholic.

It was the worst time, but I credit it with me learning a lot about resilience.

My parents are fine now, really happy and healthy - largely due to the appearance of 5 grandchildren over the years. They're more 'alive' than ever - you can see it in their eyes and hear it in their laughter.

Wishing you strength and love Abendintheriver

DH and I struggled for years to concieve and started going through the adoption process, only to be told they thought we weren’t suitable (We’d be great parents to a baby, but most children needing adoption are older with more needs). I was beyond heartbroken and cried for weeks. 4 years later we did concieve and now have a 4 year old.

I also have OCD and anxiety. It can be fine for a few years and then I have an “episode”. In 2014 I had a very severe episode, determined that ISIS were going to invade the UK and me and my family were going to die horrible deaths. I would sit up all night looking out the window looking for terrorists, and had been googling how to buy a gun. Thankfully, I managed to get to see a psychologist and am much better, but I do need to keep an eye on my mental health.

Finally, I was in an abusive relationship in my late teens where I found out I was pregnant and he dragged me across the carpet and threw me out the flat. I miscarried. I’m not with him anymore and am now married to an amazing husband.

@wildcherries someone else’s pain does not make yours less painful. It will get better