Confused by this conversation, does anyone have an idea what went wrong

[SkatingWithPenguins]

I’d just used the self scan machine at the library. It’s broken, you normally just pile up the books but at the moment you need to open them to scan the barcode inside. Everytime you scan it opens a meaningless error message too. You have to click the x to close it. Annoying, but it works.

I was talking to my friend, librarian just finished a shift and in uniform, her son isn’t well and we were probably very deep in conversation in a corner. Very angry woman cut across us and said ‘the machine doesn’t work!’. My friend was approached from behind and was a bit wrong-footed, had jumped out her skin in surprise and as collecting herself (it was like someone shouting ‘boo’ from behind it was so sudden and loud). So I just smiled and said
‘It works, it’s just playing up. You need to open each book individually And scan the barcode inside. It’ll give you error messages, but ignore them and close them. The books will still be counted’
She glared at me- ‘IT DOESNT WORK!’
I’m, ‘give it a try, just open them’
‘IT DOESNT WORK, I have tried‘
‘Did you open a book?‘
So she throws them, closed, onto the machine and angrily points at the error message.
So I just said, calmly ‘the books need opening’. She picked them up, still both closed, and started flinging them back down to raise her voice more.
My friend then starting offering to do it for her (not really meant to with Covid rules, but was trying to diffuse it). Got as far as ‘shall I do it for-‘
The women then screamed at her, I’m not standing here being told off by you! I feel like I’m being told off! I’m going to the desk!
The new librarian on the desk looked over worried, people are mean to use the machines right now. I didn’t stay to see how it panned out.

The machine does have a sign on it explained how to currently use it.

She was about 30, seemed well presented and otherwise normal.

It’s bugging me as I’m struggling how it went so wrong, how I ended up being shouted at in public. I was genuinely happy to help her use the machine that annoys me, no edge to my voice.

@SkatingWithPenguins

Ellisandra, you have a huge posting history in Aibu and nothing this year in chat, and barely before that. It DOES draw certain people.

I never said it didn’t? I said that I think it’s a minority. I do currently find AIBU far more interesting than other boards. I also name change, hence why you see a lot for the last year and not much before.

I’ve never really used Chat, but you’ll find a fair number of posts from this name under Money (especially pensions questions) - though proportionately they’re small, relative to how busy that board is vs this AIBU.

If you knew my previous name, you’d find it all over Relationships and Divorce / Separation. Different time in my life, I was a long standing contributor on the OLD threads on Relationships, for example.

I once even posted on S&B, which is mostly impenetrable to me

She was about 30, seemed well presented and otherwise normal. 🤔

She wasn't asking you. If I wanted to talk to a staff member I'd be a tad frustrated if her mate answered.

The self service WHSmith in an airport had me teetering on the brink once.

She was clearly in the wrong to get so angry. But from her point of view you were really patronising and also a completely random person inserting yourself for no reason.

This and we all change a lot if we have any sense. In fact post doxing and data leaks I’d recommend a burner email and a new username if you’ve used it since 2004. I’m being serious and not funny on that. It’s a really minor point I’ve made, but it’s very good to be aware of what is available.

Your whole posting manner is very patronising, so I can only imagine this must come across in real life. Also I don't get the level of upset this has caused you, think you need to move on and don't give unwarranted advice because perhaps your delivery isn't coming across the way you perceive it.

I wonder how long she’d been waiting for the member of staff to finish chatting

I refuse to believe that anyone who uses library is the sort of person to regularly scream and shout in public.
When did you last use a library (COVID aside)? Full of screaming kids, loons, shouting students and general noisy fuckers. It’s where the world and his wife heads if it’s raining/cold/nothing to do; there’s usually a singalong baby event, cafe and computer learning instead of the hushed quiet of heads bent over books.

To be honest I'd have been a bit pissed off too if I asked a staff member to help and a random do-Gooder took over! You do sound like a bit of a know-all, OP.

I'd have just been like 'yeah, it's a pain in the arse isn't it'.

Generally when people are full-on kicking off in public, though, best advice is to back away slowly and not engage.

She was annoyed that the machine wasn't working and wanted someone to help. The staff member in uniform was in a corner chatting to a friend. happens to me each time I go to our Tesco Express The friend chips in with advice on how to use the machine instead of the member of staff in uniform.

Thanks, @AntFarm!

(Sorry - was supposed to be tagging @Alexandernevermind!)

Ok @antfarm, enjoy your public anger and shouting at strangers I guess. Totally normal. Maybe I should join in letting my perceptions irritate me constantly and I’m the one who’s stupid being the ‘do-Gooder’. You’d hate me, I even join in community litter picks (Mainly for the gin meet after and a chat while I walk, but still) and volunteer on a scheme for the elderly locally. Less people like me I guess and we’d all be better off, I’ll work on it. It’s obviously wrong, I’m an irritant

You did come across like you were correcting or contradicting her.

I would have said 'yes, i know, it does this annoying error message, but the books are actually checked out if you do it with the book open'.
Agreeing with people rather than contradicting them generally gets them on-side. But as you're not actually a librarian you don't need to deal with the public so maybe let your friend or the newly on shift one do it instead?

@SkatingWithPenguins

Ok *@antfarm*, enjoy your public anger and shouting at strangers I guess. Totally normal. Maybe I should join in letting my perceptions irritate me constantly and I’m the one who’s stupid being the ‘do-Gooder’. You’d hate me, I even join in community litter picks (Mainly for the gin meet after and a chat while I walk, but still) and volunteer on a scheme for the elderly locally. Less people like me I guess and we’d all be better off, I’ll work on it. It’s obviously wrong, I’m an irritant

What do you want, a medal for doing some volunteer work? Agreement that no one should ever get cross at someone as selfless and wonderful as you?

Again, why did you start a thread about this if you're convinced you were 100% in the right and she was 100% in the wrong? Almost unanimously people have told you she shouldn't have shouted; they've also almost unanimously said that the way you spoke to her and inserted yourself wasn't helpful. If you weren't prepared to hear that then it was silly to ask.

I’m being serious to a point.

I grew up in a Christian family, spent most my time in the community, and I think it subconsciously still has some
effect on my ways of acting still. I don’t have faith as an adult. Childhood was a constant ‘raise money for’, ‘volunteer for...’, ‘what could you do for...’. Being helpful was a focus of everything drummed in constantly. You believe it’s great. Your purpose on earth.

As an adult though it doesn’t work in the real world. It’s annoying often, unneeded, there’s services for these needs etc that don’t need do-good types in addition. Or you’re just bothering people. For example years ago when my eldest started school I listened to the PTA blurb and felt completely obligated that it was something we must all do, all act together and help. It took a while to see it was seen as a highly irritating busy body group and me annoying by getting involved. I stopped and made friends.

I still, on reflection, feel like jumping in an helping a lot. Open my mouth without thinking to explain or offer something. Offer to carry a bag for someone on the bus who has lots of kids and a buggy getting on for example. Offer to make up the difference for someone short at a checkout by a few quid, when they have a card in their pocket to use. It’s not the kindness always though, you infringe on independence with the offer or irritate people. You often end up thinking at odds to how you come across.

Genuinely reflected a bit, to keep my mouth shut more and not interact so much.

So you’ve come onto AIBU because it’s more likely to contain the kind of person you encountered in the library, so that we can provide insight into why she she might have been acting like a bitch?

Rather than look to us, perhaps you could gain insight through considering your own behaviour on this thread, as Yes I was being a bit of a cow, sorry @Ellisandra I’m frustrated and picked up on you is probably a variant on what happened today.

Some people are just idiots don't worry about it

Worse.

Sounds like she is very unhappy and was tipped over the edge. It wasn't about books. It was about something else in her life.

I’ve said that yes.

I reflected on me. Probably me trying to be helpful about name changing is what hit me. Someone told me and I was grateful, so I jump in and pass it on thinking others don’t know, when they do. It comes across patronisingly.

It has had value in here, because it has got me to reflect on how I come across to others and how they react to me. In an honest way. Realistically I come across in a way I didn’t think about, it’s happened before and I’ve looked at myself.

I’m being serious, it a problem I’ve had before, and caused upset. How I misread things or see it wrong. I’m being genuine. I am going to step back from how I act on the back of this, what I say and what I do.

I‘M going to leave this now as I have found it hard. I know it’s funny or amusing to others, but I’m at the point where I need to step away from the thread because I’m crossing the line from reflection to feeling very stupid, sad and alone.

The machine was faulty. No wonder the woman got annoyed. Library assistant chatting to a friend instead of doing her job. Very irritating.

I mean... technically it is broken though

In terms of the interaction with this woman, the main thing seems to be that you were contradicting this woman, when it seems to me that she was in the right. The machine wasn’t working properly, she was expressing this and kept getting told she was wrong. This is only going to escalate the confrontation, especially if you mismatched her in tone and pace by being super calm.

You shouldn't have got involved. You should have let you uniformed librarian friend handle it.

I got screamed at by a Tesco lady the other day. I’d been shielding and didn’t noticed the arrows on the floor. I hadn’t been to a supermarket in 4 months. I looked out for signs. But apparently I went round to queue the wrong way.

She really screamed at me. So much I promptly burst into tears. Right there on the spot. Because she shouted so loud. Everyone looked round to see why and they all saw me bursting into tears. I was so upset I just left my trolley there and went. I

I think everyone is just under insane amounts of stress. I seem to get quite short. These emails from customer services with regards to small matters as sending out wrong items etc.

Although I try really hard not to take it personally. The tesco one really did upset me. I haven’t been able to go back in there for fear of the lady being there.

Like I said. It’s pure immense stress.

Terse-these

The screamer was one of my all time favourite threads

She was hilarious!

Maryslittlelamb I think was her user name. Search it.