To not want to leave my daughter overnight?

[MaltedMilk88]

I work really really hard, sometimes far too many hours and occasionally will not see my daughter on a weekday due to work commitments. Therefore any downtime I have I want to spend as much time as possible with her. I commit weekends 100% to family time.
Shes just turned 13 months and my husband is keen for her to stay away overnight at a weekend maybe once a month with her Nan or auntie / uncle so we can have our time.
This has happened twice now and I hate it. Can't shift the feeling she should be home with us. Tell me to snap out of it!

I had sleepovers since 4 months. They were regular and I loved spending time there and as an older child and adult really love looking through pictures of me at my grans as a baby on her 'magic carpet' o grew up very attached to her as I had a lot of time with her.

But you don't remember how you felt at 4 months or indeed at 13 months, so you aren't in any position to say it's absolutely fine for OP's child.

Where have I said I don't love time with my family?

You did say you never had quality time with the children around. I don't love chores either, but just things like snuggling up and reading them stories was quality time.

@Pobblebonk

I had sleepovers since 4 months. They were regular and I loved spending time there and as an older child and adult really love looking through pictures of me at my grans as a baby on her 'magic carpet' o grew up very attached to her as I had a lot of time with her.

But you don't remember how you felt at 4 months or indeed at 13 months, so you aren't in any position to say it's absolutely fine for OP's child.

Where have I said I don't love time with my family?

You did say you never had quality time with the children around. I don't love chores either, but just things like snuggling up and reading them stories was quality time.

Nope

I said having a 1 year old in the house even asleep isn't what I consider quality time with my husband

Nice job not reading though

I said having a 1 year old in the house even asleep isn't what I consider quality time with my husband so you can oy have proper time with your husband if there's no kids about? What if your story network suddenly vanishes?

@SleepingStandingUp

I said having a 1 year old in the house even asleep isn't what I consider quality time with my husband so you can oy have proper time with your husband if there's no kids about? What if your story network suddenly vanishes?

When mine were babies yes!

We both worked hard and long hours like the OP seems to, after we got home, sorted the kids out etc. we were frazzled by the time we got them to sleep. Not my idea or many people's idea of quality time.

Them being out of the house or us being away was the only time when they were little either of us could switch off and enjoy each others company. As they got older of course this alleviates but when they were young like the OPs daughter I could never call night time quality time with my husband if they were in the house

Jesus dwiz8, you really don’t understand inference and synonyms

“ You did say you never had quality time with the children around. I don't love chores either, but just things like snuggling up and reading them stories was quality time.”

“I said having a 1 year old in the house even asleep isn't what I consider quality time with my husband

Nice job not reading though smile”

This means the same thing 😂😂

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Jesus dwiz8, you really don’t understand inference and synonyms

“ You did say you never had quality time with the children around. I don't love chores either, but just things like snuggling up and reading them stories was quality time.”

“I said having a 1 year old in the house even asleep isn't what I consider quality time with my husband

Nice job not reading though smile”

This means the same thing 😂😂

No but I do understand what I said, clearly you don't

I said and I quote 'When mine were that age no way was being at home 'quality time' regardless of whether they were asleep'

See the use of 'at that age' hence referring to the one year old as mentioned in the OP. Not children in general. Maybe read properly before replying misquoting others. You're the one who seems to rely on assuming as you have come unstuck with that already thinking the OPs husband is forcing her to leave the child, when she has confirmed he is not. Maybe just take what people say as what they mean, don't assume some hidden meaning.

Goodness me

Op said husband is keen to regularly do something which makes her miserable. Which she hates doing. I inferred from that that she was being pushed/ forced into it because why else would someone willing be so upset?
You seem unable to comprehend that things go deeper beyond the surface of what has been written. You’re obsessed with telling me to “read” properly but a huge part of reading is subtext.
I feel sorry for you that parenthood was such a drudgery for you that quality time with your husband couldn’t possibly exist if your baby was even in the house asleep. It must have been exhausting having a husband who sees your baby as competition for your attention.

Am I correct in assuming that the DH does the majority of the child care and house admin?
If this is the case than surely he needs a break.
Funny how if the shoe was on the other foot ppl would be flaming him for putting so much importance on his work over his family.
In this case though it is him taking the blame.

I said having a 1 year old in the house even asleep isn't what I consider quality time with my husband

But even that's bizarre, @dwiz8. Why does having a sleeping one year old in the house prevent quality time with your husband? Sure, they might wake up, but unless they're terrible sleepers the chances are that you will have at least a few hours' peace. If you choose to do housework then, that's your choice. It doesn't necessitate sending a young baby away overnight.

ignore@YeahnahmumOP. I wonder when she last berated a man for working full timemisogyny is truly alive and well in 2020

I would 'berate' a man as well if he complained about not having enough time with his kid yet chooses a career over his kid at the same time

i just feel sad for ops husband. He just wants 1 freaking night. A month..

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Op said husband is keen to regularly do something which makes her miserable. Which she hates doing. I inferred from that that she was being pushed/ forced into it because why else would someone willing be so upset? You seem unable to comprehend that things go deeper beyond the surface of what has been written. You’re obsessed with telling me to “read” properly but a huge part of reading is subtext. I feel sorry for you that parenthood was such a drudgery for you that quality time with your husband couldn’t possibly exist if your baby was even in the house asleep. It must have been exhausting having a husband who sees your baby as competition for your attention.

You inferred wrong

The OP has said herself

Funnily enough people sometimes do or try things they don't like without having to be forced into it

Clearly you think you're seeing hidden meaning beyond what people actually say. Both times you've tried that on this thread you've been wrong

Maybe, just maybe stop trying to read into things and take what people say on face value. Much safer

@Pobblebonk

I said having a 1 year old in the house even asleep isn't what I consider quality time with my husband

But even that's bizarre, @dwiz8. Why does having a sleeping one year old in the house prevent quality time with your husband? Sure, they might wake up, but unless they're terrible sleepers the chances are that you will have at least a few hours' peace. If you choose to do housework then, that's your choice. It doesn't necessitate sending a young baby away overnight.

How is it bizarre?

I don't know one parent who thinks it's relaxing being at home with a one year old, even when they are sleep, having them in the house means you can't really switch off. One of us can't enjoy a drink for example in case anything happened.

Stop trying to use what was normal for you as normal for everyone else, clearly the OPs husband can't relax properly with the child at home. Neither could I, or any other parent I know irl.

A babysitter for a few hours weekly/fortnightly or whatever is a good compromise.

Op there is nothing else relaxant here, except how you feel.

Your dd is so incredibly young. You will never ever get these precious days and moments back and it will be more damaging to your marriage to feel bitter for being forced into this, when your dd is a teen, in her room and doesn't want to know you!

Don't do it, your not ready and you may or may not feel differently in a few months or years.

I was more than capable of relaxing with my one year old sleeping upstairs. I could have a glass of wine without becoming so drunk I was incapable of looking after her. Mind you, I'd stopped drinking when pg and had no great desire to start again, but if we had friends over then I'd have a glass; if it was just dh and I then he'd generally have a beer, but he could still look after dd.

Maybe at a year old+ you could give her a bottle at night - presumably that's what happens when she stays away overnight anyway?

I'd love it. We're all different though.

I never left my children until they were 25 and 26 lol.
I should have done it years before to spend me time and also to allow them to develop a closer relationship with their grandparents. X