To not want to leave my daughter overnight?

[MaltedMilk88]

I work really really hard, sometimes far too many hours and occasionally will not see my daughter on a weekday due to work commitments. Therefore any downtime I have I want to spend as much time as possible with her. I commit weekends 100% to family time.
Shes just turned 13 months and my husband is keen for her to stay away overnight at a weekend maybe once a month with her Nan or auntie / uncle so we can have our time.
This has happened twice now and I hate it. Can't shift the feeling she should be home with us. Tell me to snap out of it!

What time does your daughter go to her nans on the nights she’s away from you?
If she’s there say.... 5pm to 9am the next morning, you’re I imagine, actually only missing maybe 4 of her waking hours- the rest she’s asleep. In which case, whilst I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, I do think you might make it a “once in a while” thing, rather than once a month. And maybe commit to one “date night” a month or fortnight, with your husband, and get a babysitter- only going out once your DD is in bed?

If she’s picked up at say lunchtime, and collected the next day at lunchtime, I would say that that’s too much, given your work/life balance, and id be reducing that down to a “bedtime to breakfast” timeframe.

You don’t need to snap out of anything. I wouldn’t want to forgo the precious little time I had with my baby either. Surely you and your DH get time alone together in the evening when your child is in bed don’t you?

Why not pick a week night instead? You're her mum, if it doesn't feel right don't do it.

If you’re uncomfortable then don’t do it. Neither of mine have stayed out yet (2 and 3).

13 months is way too young for non-essential overnights.

DS is twenty months I've been away from him overnight 3 times now, once for work and he was with DH, once for a funeral in DHs family in Scotland, my mum had him, and once a few weeks ago when we were all meant to go to PIL for the weekend but I was really ill (Covid test negative) so DH went with DS and I stayed at home to sleep. Every time I miss him so much, and most of the time he's been with DH. I work full time and want to spend my precious time off with my child, I don't see why that's unreasonable. I certainly wouldn't be agreeing to once a month!

You don't need to snap out of it. It's completely normal to not want to be away from your baby who is barely 1, and don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to. Don't let anyone make you feel you're being ridiculous

My DS is nearly 5 and he’s never been away from me overnight. Could you maybe suggest spending time with DH over lunch? Then you get some time together without the overnight issue causing stress.

@Purpleartichoke

13 months is way too young for non-essential overnights.

No it's not

It might be too early for you but not for many others.

@Disfordarkchocolate

Don't snap out of anything.

I agree. She already barely sees you. Go out during the week when she is in bed. Why does it need to be over night?

Then stop letting her have sleepovers, it’s your decision as her mother, nobody else’s.

@Shizzlestix

Then stop letting her have sleepovers, it’s your decision as her mother, nobody else’s.

The child's father also has a say...

It's not just the mothers choice. Both parents views are equally important

@Shizzlestix

Then stop letting her have sleepovers, it’s your decision as her mother, nobody else’s.

Absolute bullshit, her father has equal say.

If you don't enjoy it,don't need the break and it's making you upset then don't snap out of anything.

She's still a baby, doesn't need to be away overnight, you don't want her to be away overnight. So what's the point? For who's benefit is this?
Your husband's? He doesn't get to send your (both of yours) child away just so he can have some "attention ".

Of course she comes first, she's a baby.

There’s just no need for regular overnights at that age, especially if you work long hours. You can get plenty of time with your husband once she’s gone to bed. It’s not nice to feel pressured to do anything with a child that young, I always regretted going against my instincts even if nothing obviously went wrong.

Absolute bullshit, her father has equal say.

Absolute bullshit, not when he's the only one benefiting from it. He's not doing it for the child, he's not doing it for his wife either (since she hates it), he's doing it for himself.

I don't understand how you're not having "us time" anyway either just one child who is only 13 months. Is she in bed at a decent time? Does she nap in the day time when you're both off work? Can you both book a half day off work occasionally when she's at nursery?

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

Absolute bullshit, her father has equal say.

Absolute bullshit, not when he's the only one benefiting from it. He's not doing it for the child, he's not doing it for his wife either (since she hates it), he's doing it for himself.

And what's wrong with that?

The OP is only against it because it's what she wants. That's equally as selfish if you're boiling it down to that

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

If you don't enjoy it,don't need the break and it's making you upset then don't snap out of anything.

She's still a baby, doesn't need to be away overnight, you don't want her to be away overnight. So what's the point? For who's benefit is this?
Your husband's? He doesn't get to send your (both of yours) child away just so he can have some "attention ".

Of course she comes first, she's a baby.

It's as much the Father's Say where the child goes as it is the OPs

He wants some quality time with a wife he doesn't see much of. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The OP if really not comfortable with it should compromise.

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Today 23:43 Sayitagainwhydontyou

Shizzlestix
Then stop letting her have sleepovers, it’s your decision as her mother, nobody else’s.
Absolute bullshit, her father has equal say.

He gets a say in wanting a night off, fine. He doesn’t get a say in dictating to the OP that she should hand her baby over and spend the night with him. An equal day doesn’t mean overriding someone else’s thought and feeling entirely.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

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Today 23:43 Sayitagainwhydontyou

Shizzlestix
Then stop letting her have sleepovers, it’s your decision as her mother, nobody else’s.
Absolute bullshit, her father has equal say.

He gets a say in wanting a night off, fine. He doesn’t get a say in dictating to the OP that she should hand her baby over and spend the night with him. An equal day doesn’t mean overriding someone else’s thought and feeling entirely.

He does get a day in handing their baby over to someone else

It's not just the OPs baby

It's their baby. He can say where she goes as much as the OP can.

Goodness me

The husband wants the baby gone so they can have "us" time, despite mum being miserable.

The mother wants her BABY with her,at home,in her own bed.

Only one of these is selfish. The baby is supposed to be at home to begin with.

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

The husband wants the baby gone so they can have "us" time, despite mum being miserable.

The mother wants her BABY with her,at home,in her own bed.

Only one of these is selfish. The baby is supposed to be at home to begin with.

The baby isn't supposed to be at home

What a ridiculous comment

Many children and babies enjoy spending time with other family members.

If the husband is selfish so is the OP is for putting her feelings over that of her husbands. If that's how you want to look it it.

@dwiz8 so when she's older he can send her to boarding school because he needs time with his wife?

We have us-time now. Our children are late teens and early twenties! We have been happy to put our children first, and to be the best parents we can be. It's up to you to decide when you want your child sleeping away from home. Don't cave in to pressure from others to do it until you are ready