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AIBU?

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Original poster

Predatory driving instructor. Daughter wants refund. Help!

357 replies

friendlyflicka · 16/08/2020 12:31

If anyone has experience of how to proceed with this I would be so grateful.

My just 17 year old daughter booked to go on an intensive driving course and paid more £1000 up front. As far as i knew we were booking through a driving school which seemed businesslike etc.

My daughter came back after the first day, visibly shaken. At 11 pm that night she asked if I or her boyfriend could go with her the next day. At 8 am - she was due to be picked up at 9 - she told me she couldn’t face going with him in the car. That he had been very ‘touchy’ and then she told me a string of very inappropriate comments he had made all sexual throughout the day.

I have no doubt that she is telling the truth. That is not my issue at all. And the emotional issue and toll on my daughter - can handle this as well: we are.

I contacted driving school and said that she would not be proceeding and then sent email detailing the instructor’s behaviour. The reply was that it was my daughter’s word against his and that he would speak to the driver the next day.

I rang the police for some advice because I didn’t know whether this was a civil matter. They were keen to press further, They said as a safeguarding issue they needed to speak to the driving school

The driving school absolutely absolved themselves of all responsibility for either the safeguarding or financial issues: the instructor was self employed: he had my daughter’s money.

I have made a complaint to DVSA about all issues. My daughter is upset but wants her money back. And just wants to start again: found a nice local instructor.

How do I go about things? I am dealing with the safeguarding through DVSA hopefully. But how do I recover her money. She was booked for 4 days: day 1, he allegedly assaulted her. Day 2, she cancelled after the 24 hour policy. Last 2 days she should be refunded whatever the results of any safeguarding enquiry.

Please tell me how to proceed. Purely in a financial sense to recover her money.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 18/08/2020 23:35

I'm sorry this happened to your daughter. You are doing the right thing.

I had a predatory driving instructor when I was 17. Horrible, horrible man. To my regret I never said a word to anyone at the time. I did change instructors though, I hadn't paid upfront.

Purpleartichoke · 19/08/2020 00:02

I would ask for all days to be refunded. She certainly could not have gotten an effective lesson while dealing with that.

Rentacar · 19/08/2020 00:14

My first driving instructor was an old guy who kept touching my knee. He didn't say anything Percy but the knee touching wasn't nice and he gave me the creeps.

You're quite vulnerable sitting close to a man in a car who is being creepy. Your poor DD. Good on her for telling you. Well done for fighting her corner.

I changed driving instructors. The next guy was much better.

Rentacar · 19/08/2020 00:14

Pervy!

chilling19 · 19/08/2020 00:21

Me too - I was 17 and had a pervy driving instructor.

hastingsmua1 · 19/08/2020 01:49

Have you contacted a solicitor? Many offer free consultations which would be enough to see if your case has merit (in receiving the money back). It’s better than asking randoms online for legal advice, whose credentials cannot be proven

WinchesForFinches · 19/08/2020 07:41

How horrible for your daughter OP. I’m astonished at how many other posters have experienced the same! It’s the kind of thing that could really put you off one to one situations with men for life.

I learnt with a large well known driving school and they were a nightmare, I had one slightly odd tutor for a while who I never felt relaxed with as there was just something very odd about him. Luckily because the company were shambolic and there was a constant change of instructors, I didn’t have him for long.

I really hope your daughter manages to come back from this and finds someone she trusts who can help her succeed with her driving. Good luck with it all.

ProfessorSlocombe · 19/08/2020 10:57

Just to remind all that he needs a DBS certificate to practice. It would be interesting to know how he got it and kept it.

If it turns out he doesn't have one, then the driving schools troubles have only just started.

(Personally I would have checked this before going in, as it will be the first line of defence the driving school will deploy since it's what they are meant for.)

ListeningQuietly · 19/08/2020 12:07

DBS checks are meaningless if he's never been caught yet.

ProfessorSlocombe · 19/08/2020 12:17

@ListeningQuietly

DBS checks are meaningless if he's never been caught yet.
Oh, yes, I am well aware of that. (But keep it quiet, it's not very well understood).

But the point stands. If he has a DBS, then either he woke up the day the OP describes and found it was "be a predator" day on his calendar. Or that DBS is flawed (again, shhhh).

Either way, this incident should go on the next DBS check he has to undergo - which was kind of my point.

Alternatively he has no DBS, and the driving school are now in a lot of what the CPS call "hot water".

Stackys · 19/08/2020 12:24

My first driving instructor seemed like a lovely man. But he started getting a bit odd one day.

I was struggling with roundabouts and so he drew a diagram for me and drew a man at the side of the road. He drew a penis on the man but never referred to it and carried on explaining as if all was normal. I didn’t mention it either but he was clearly waiting for me to. He then said “oops, that looks rude doesn’t it, here I’ll turn it into a girl” and he drew a skirt on it and then extended the penis so it was hanging below the skirt. I cancelled all further lessons!

Totickleamockingbird · 19/08/2020 12:26

Talk to press and your MP. Name the school or this will keep going and will keep happening to other girls. Please don’t let him get away.

Totickleamockingbird · 19/08/2020 12:29

My first driving instructor was very touchy too. He had no concept of personal space. First lesson was perfectly fine, usually a test lesson that most instructors offer. It started from the second lesson when I had paid for a few lessons.

Malbecfan · 19/08/2020 12:43

OP, please report this as others have said to Somerset's LADO. You should be able to find it under Safeguarding. Your DD is still a child and this is abhorrent.

Alternatively, and I know schools and colleges are up to their eyeballs in the A level and GCSE results fiasco, you could ask for advice from DD's school/college safeguarding lead. If you don't know who they are, they should be listed on the website.

This is not just to the OP, but to anyone concerned about Safeguarding, don't be afraid of contacting your local team. I have had to do it when protecting a vulnerable child whose abuser had been released from prison but had been seen in the area. They were really helpful and gave excellent advice. This was Devon - I know one of the Somerset people and he is brilliant. Good luck OP and all the best to your DD.

Original poster
friendlyflicka · 19/08/2020 13:06

She is going to make a statement to the DVSA. This thread has really helped me separate the issues of financial and safeguarding so thanks very much - I wish I had posted for advice earlier.

I have contacted the police officer to ascertain if it will be listed as a safeguarding concern anywhere.

A bit confused about what the roles of the DVSA and police in this.

OP posts:
Original poster
friendlyflicka · 19/08/2020 13:08

Found out through looking on Companies House before Letter before action that the ADI is 58 years old and was a joint director of the company until he resigned last year.

OP posts:
Likeawolf · 19/08/2020 13:11

Hello OP, I just wanted to say what a brilliant parent you are. I had exactly the same experience in the late 1980s as your daughter when I learned to drive and it's depressing to see that these attitudes/behaviours haven't been wiped out. But what HAS changed is that your daughter felt able to voice it (I didn't) and that she has a parent able and willing to fight it. I am cheering you and your daughter on and so hope you get some kind of resolution soon.

Manolin · 19/08/2020 13:17

@Likeawolf

Hello OP, I just wanted to say what a brilliant parent you are. I had exactly the same experience in the late 1980s as your daughter when I learned to drive and it's depressing to see that these attitudes/behaviours haven't been wiped out. But what HAS changed is that your daughter felt able to voice it (I didn't) and that she has a parent able and willing to fight it. I am cheering you and your daughter on and so hope you get some kind of resolution soon.
^^ Yes, 100%
eurochick · 19/08/2020 14:07

For the money claim (without seeing the Ts and C's) I would be inclined to frame it as breach of an implied term for the instructor/driving school to provide a safe environment free from harassment for the driving lesson.

Original poster
friendlyflicka · 19/08/2020 18:13

Thank you for the advice. And thank you for the support.

I was most upset actually that my daughter took so long to tell me because she didn't know if she was over reacting. And she is actually quite clear of boundaries normally.

She is now writing a statement for DVSA and she will also send to police.

I will update if we get anywhere!

OP posts:
LakieLady · 19/08/2020 18:41

If she paid the driving school her contract is with them whatever their arrangements with the instructor. Letter before action with a view to making a small claim if they don't refund the money. You'll find templates online

This, absolutely. I bet the driving school will cave.

Do driving instructors have to be DBS checked? They ought to be imo.

LakieLady · 19/08/2020 19:13

Having slapped myself around the head for not RTFT, I'm really glad that you and DD have reported it.

It had never occurred to me before this how vulnerable people are when learning to drive, and what a gift of a job it is to sexual predators. Their conduct should be beyond question, and I really hope this man loses his ADI status.

Original poster
friendlyflicka · 21/10/2020 23:42

Sorry to revive this again, but really wanted help. DVSA are incredibly slow: they are only just inviting the instructor in for voluntary interview. I had preliminary small claims hearing where it was made clear that they would not decide anything until after DVSA decision, and they really thought I should be suing the driving instructor who assaulted/harrassed my daughter rather than the school (`who had their get out clause).

First problem: I don't think DVSA will be conclusive in anything.
Second problem: I don't have the contact details of the individual instructor and no one will give them to me. So how do i proceed?

OP posts:
Original poster
friendlyflicka · 21/10/2020 23:44

And one I am suing another party for exactly the same actions, do i have to start again and make more court fees?

OP posts:
Unsure33 · 21/10/2020 23:54

My sister had a similar problem and that was with a company that did intensive course lessons . It also turned out that the driving instructors qualifications were not up to date either. I can’t remember exact details .But I threatened them with small claims court on her behalf and they backed off.