Predatory driving instructor. Daughter wants refund. Help!

[friendlyflicka]

If anyone has experience of how to proceed with this I would be so grateful.

My just 17 year old daughter booked to go on an intensive driving course and paid more £1000 up front. As far as i knew we were booking through a driving school which seemed businesslike etc.

My daughter came back after the first day, visibly shaken. At 11 pm that night she asked if I or her boyfriend could go with her the next day. At 8 am - she was due to be picked up at 9 - she told me she couldn’t face going with him in the car. That he had been very ‘touchy’ and then she told me a string of very inappropriate comments he had made all sexual throughout the day.

I have no doubt that she is telling the truth. That is not my issue at all. And the emotional issue and toll on my daughter - can handle this as well: we are.

I contacted driving school and said that she would not be proceeding and then sent email detailing the instructor’s behaviour. The reply was that it was my daughter’s word against his and that he would speak to the driver the next day.

I rang the police for some advice because I didn’t know whether this was a civil matter. They were keen to press further, They said as a safeguarding issue they needed to speak to the driving school

The driving school absolutely absolved themselves of all responsibility for either the safeguarding or financial issues: the instructor was self employed: he had my daughter’s money.

I have made a complaint to DVSA about all issues. My daughter is upset but wants her money back. And just wants to start again: found a nice local instructor.

How do I go about things? I am dealing with the safeguarding through DVSA hopefully. But how do I recover her money. She was booked for 4 days: day 1, he allegedly assaulted her. Day 2, she cancelled after the 24 hour policy. Last 2 days she should be refunded whatever the results of any safeguarding enquiry.

Please tell me how to proceed. Purely in a financial sense to recover her money.

The stupidity of some people is absolutely astonishing

Only if you're young. It's entirely predictable when you are old.

Not much help but wanted to say how sorry I am for your daughter! It can be so daunting for a young girl
To get in a car with a driving instructor and I’m sorry this happened!

I understand why DD doesn’t want to pursue the case with the police and that’s up to her, but fwiw she does have ‘proof’ - her own testimony.

Don’t make the assumption that she would not be believed, her experience is entirely believable and fairly common as you see from this thread.

Try not to teach her (albeit unintentionally) that you can’t win in a sex offence or harassment case without objective proof, or that aggressive men cannot and should not be stood up to.

Personally if the driving instructor was too aggressive with me I’d report him to the police too.

The whole outfit sounds dodgy.

@flapjackfairy

As she is under 18 she is still legally a child so contact the local safeguarding board and report the abuse. Even if it is his word against your daughters he will be on file if anything gets reported by any one else . And they will investigate it now obviously

Totally this.

Local authority designated officer will explore allegations of this type against people in positions of power.

Also report the pig to the Driving Instructors Association. They have the powers to take his instructor badge away altogether. Ask the driving school for his instructor badge number. It's not GDPR protected information.

How horrible for your DD - no advice but wishing you well in getting your money back and hoping she can get driving lessons from a decent person.

To reassure your dd organise family member or friend to go with her in future as chaperone. Then she will relax and get the most fun from driving. It is not unusual in Muslim communities to see other people in car.
A solicitor will get you your money and the costs.

I hope your daughter is coping emotionally, it's an awful thing for someone in a position of power to do to a young person. I hope your daughter is brave enough to fight her money back and leave reviews in the appropriate places.

It makes me angry that this is still happening to women. There shouldn't be anything other than respect and appropriate discussion during driving lessons. It's a professional arrangement, a business agreement, and no place for sexual conversation, inappropriate touching is assault. I put up with it as a 17-year old and wish I hadn't.

a friend and I were both learning to drive at the same time with the same instructor. We swapped stories about how disgusting he was with touching us and squeezing our thigh etc. We both needed to pass our test so continued lessons.

She was a lot braver than me and when she was out on a lesson about 12 miles from pick up points she's saw a bus pulling up behind so she quickly took the keys out the ignition and legged it and got on the bus. The driving instructor was more than angry because he had to get home and get a spare keys for his car. She dropped the car key off with the driving instructors ex-wife and I have no idea if he ever got them back.

Just to quickly add, we have had awful experiences with driving instructors for my teenagers. Nothing as awful as the OPs daughter but bad enough. One even ended up giving my DD a nervous breakdown.

So we decided to insure them on one of our cars - it cost £112 for 3 months cover (Only applicable if the car is already insured) and it’s been brilliant. Due to lockdown they haven’t been able to book tests but my son is booked now finally for Sept. He is an excellent driver mainly because we can take him out daily for practise which works better than an hour a week. Much cheaper than a driving instructor and we’ve enjoyed taking them out - one on one time with teens is quite hard to get usually.

Maybe something to think about?

My last driving instructor was an absolute perv, whom I wish I'd spoken up against. I was in my early 20s, had a child - so should have been brave/strong enough to speak up... but couldn't. His comments about "from little acorns, mighty oaks spring", referencing his penis, and his hand "accidentally" on my thigh... it's been 20 years, and still, I shudder/feel violated.

He also failed to teach me how to drive (I already knew how, manually, he was my first automatic "instructor", needed to pass a test... but he failed to teach me a good 90 % of the things needed, oblivious that I was aware of this).

When my daughter wanted to learn how to drive - her instructor was female (and she passed first time). I still see the pervy instructor driving around our small town/community, and it still makes me feel sick. I can only hope he retires soon. Because the memories of everything he told me about his wife and their sex life (or, apparently, lack of it) is not a pleasant mind jolt whilst I'm sat at traffic lights and he's the next car over...

This is horrible op, I went through the same thing with my driving instructor and after years keeping it quiet I told a few people and every one of them said the same happened to them ( all different instructors) sadly I think it's very common.

@ComfortablyGlum - good idea right now, especially if you've got several teens! Just make sure he's up to speed with the stuff they do on the test these days - they've changed a lot even since DH started teaching. They don't do reverse round the corner or three point turn anymore and they have to do an independent drive following a sat nav for part of the test. Also go through the 'show me, tell me' questions with him as well. Fingers crossed!

I don't have specific advice but wanted to say thank you and well done for pursuing this and setting an example to your DD.

Something similar happened to me years ago when I was younger and more naive and I didn't want to cause a fuss so let it lie.

That man has had no repercussions for his behaviour and it's my biggest regret in life.

Thanks so much all of you. Really do feel so much better than I did this morning and know where to go with this. Mumsnet can be brilliant.

I must have been lucky
my driving instructor was an absolute sweetie - elderly and camp but the best.

Both my kids learned through Red who I cannot fault

• you chat online even in normal times to your instructor before the first lesson to make sure you click

and the whole online feedback system meant that I and they had no worries.

Instructors like the OPs DD had should be taken off the list publicly for ever

good ones deserve the extra income

Any chance OP that you can get a friend to contact the Driving school as a prospective clients and ask them for their safeguarding policy? They should have one

I have sent them a Letter Before Action and they have given no response so far. I think they are probably quite confident that there t&cs are a get-out clause so I will have to see.

Good on you. You're doing the right thing.

Slightly off topic but running the numbers I imagine this is an absolutely huge problem. 40,000 driving instructors in the UK.
If even 1% of them are abusers then 400 people are having 1:1 access to children and young people in a sustained and regular basis.
And they're seeing dozens (hundreds?) of students each month.

You are not based in the Cheshire area are you?
Exactly the same thing happened to my friends 17 year old daughter 😢

I am in Somerset. I would quite like to know about how many teenagers are suffering like this. I would imagine it is a huge problem. I thought of joining local groups that allow anonymous posting on Facebook (without mentioning the company) and asking if it had been a problem for anyone else.

I don't know if it is the sort of thing that is mentioned in whatever the subject is called that is not now sex education PHE?

Ugh what a horrible twat

I’d also go nuclear ☢️
As everyone said kick up a fuss and continue
Most driving instructors I had were vile
But this takes the biscuit
Utter bastard

Did you ring safeguarding too?

Hope you get this sorted OP.