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Original poster

To think I can save my marriage after infidelity(mine)?

257 replies

Shehz21 · 16/08/2020 10:37

I'm posting here for traffic and want to get opinions/read about experiences from anyone who has cheated in their marriage.

I have cheated on DH who I've been married to for 4 years during lockdown. I have always been the exemplary wife, mother(we have a 3 year old DD) and everyone always looked up to us as being the ideal couple. I started feeling extremely lonely during lockdown and think I got caught up in the whole "new man giving attention to me" situation. I extremely regret and came clean to my husband few days ago about the emotional side of the relationship and the next day he spoke to OM and OM told him about the physical side of it. DH is totally broken as he genuinely loved and cared about me so much. He says he can never trust or love me again and staying in this marriage will only make me miserable as he won't be able to be the old him again. I really want to save my marriage and need to know whether it is possible to survive this together? Will he ever be able to love me again? Is there anything I can do from my side to bring that love out of him again?
The affair lasted 4 months and ended because I was feeling extremely guilty about cheating on DH which is why I came clean to him the same day I ended the affair. Only thing is I failed to tell him about the times I slept with OM and he had to hear it from him. Can anyone who has been through this situation help me please or share your thoughts/experiences?

OP posts:
SabrinaTheTeenageBitch · 16/08/2020 14:37

Grin at 'odd cocks'

You had a sexual and emotional affair with another man. For four months. Not only that but during a pandemic putting both your husband and your child at risk. Ask yourself how you would feel if the tables were turned.

Its entirely up to your husband at this point. If he doesn't forgive you then I wouldn't blame him whatsoever. Surely you knew that was a very realistic possibility when you started having this affair?

thatplaceinjordan · 16/08/2020 14:41

Read
How to help your spouse heal from your affair.

Only your husband gets to decided if the marriage is danceable now.

Durgasarrow · 16/08/2020 14:45

If you do care about saving the marriage, you need to go to therapy and examine why this happened. Why were you feeling lonely during the pandemic? Why did you betray your husband rather than try to connect to him? I don't think it is necessarily over. But there will need to be soul searching. The fact that you admitted to an emotional affair one day--is it fear or cowardice? If you are afraid of your husband, do you want to stay? If it is cowardice, is that who you want to be? Either way, something needs to change.

JulesM73 · 16/08/2020 14:55

Sounds to me you tried to minimise the affair, if you wanted to confess why wouldn’t you tell him about the physical side of it? Sorry but even if I could forgive the emotional affair, hell would freeze over before I pull forgive you lying about the physical part.

You don’t sound like a nice person and as being an exemplary wife, I don’t have a clue what that looks like but you sure as hell aren’t it!
He should run for the hill as fast as possible.

iklboo · 16/08/2020 14:58

You had an affair after only being married four years. You attempted to downplay it to an emotional affair. He had to find out about the sex from the other man. He must have been deeply humiliated. It it were me I'd leave you as soon as I possibly could.

ichifanny · 16/08/2020 14:59

Nope you lied and minimised amd didn’t tell the whole truth. It’s up to your husband how he feels now and it’s out of your hands , you had your chance not to be a liar .

Dervel · 16/08/2020 15:02

I would recommend not engaging with this woman, the entire language she uses betrays a high degree of trait narcissism. Consider the number of times “I” she uses in the post. She also refers to “my” marriage instead of “our” marriage. The only times she uses we is when saying “we” have a daughter, albeit after Trump like posturing claims about being an exemplary mother. Consider she considers everyone looks up to “us” (one of the only other times she views the marriage as a collective, but still in context of taking about herself), she expects fawning adoration both from her circle and her DH. Shows zero empathy except two statements to manipulate us into thinking she does.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if this was a reverse, and this was a man posting as narcissism is more common in men, and thought they would get a better hearing and more useable data on how to get the partner back in their appointed place as narcissistic supply!

OnTheWheelOfLife · 16/08/2020 15:06

@ForgivenFoolthank you for being so honest. Can I be nosey? What is your relationship like now? Are you both happy? Would you say you’ve both truly, fully moved on?

Angelina82 · 16/08/2020 15:07

You lied and cheated, then you tried to make yourself feel better by confessing but even fucked that up by lying again. You also put your family at risk by fucking a man during lockdown. You seem extremely selfish, your opening post is all me me me and if I were your DH I’d be out of there sharpish.

Angelina82 · 16/08/2020 15:08

Actually I take that back, I’d be kicking your cheating arse out sharpish.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 15:12

@Yeahnahmum

Four months. ... jeez i hope he is packing his bags. I would have ended my marriage for sure op
Hers, rather!

Shagged another bloke during lockdown, putting all of them at risk (not to mention for STIs), in the house they share, lied about it so he had to hear the details from the OM, now only concerned with his forgiving all this so she can carry on having an easy life.

If she were a man on her the board would have burned up by now.

Enderman · 16/08/2020 15:14

How on earth did you manage to meet and have an affair during lockdown?

Raella50 · 16/08/2020 15:39

OP you sound like an unbelievably selfish and self-absorbed person. You have cheated and lied to your husband. Now you’re only reflecting on your own wants and needs going forward. I suspect he will leave and not look back. Maybe you should think about what you could do to make things easier for your child in all this as you’ve broken their family unit up for a fling Hmm

CrazyToast · 16/08/2020 15:42

Only he can say what he wants to do. All you will get on here is a telling off.

You'll have to give him time.

I would think hard about why you did it, though. You cant be happy in your marriage. You are panicking now it has come out but long term perhaps it will be better to end it all. I would give it all some time.

MiddleClassProblem · 16/08/2020 15:55

Odd cocks is sticking... so to speak

Wester · 16/08/2020 15:55

Everyone cheats. Get real.

You can salvage your marriage, your husband will probably need to spend some time processing it, and you need to recommit and make it obvious to him you want to stay.

Good luck and if you want to stay with him, you can make it happen. It's not for him to choose, it should be a joint decision.

What he's feeling now can be fixed with time xx

iklboo · 16/08/2020 15:59

Everyone cheats. Get real.

No they don't.

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/08/2020 15:59

I haven’t cheated & we're 15 years in.

Angelina82 · 16/08/2020 15:59

Everyone cheats. Get real.

Maybe in your circle but certainly not in mine Confused

SoupDragon · 16/08/2020 16:00

Everyone cheats. Get real.

What utter nonsense.

SentientAndCognisant · 16/08/2020 16:00

No not everyone cheats.Thats simply not true. It’s not a flippant get real event
Statistically almost 50% marriages end in divorce,I don’t know what the % of infidelity is
So yes many people cheat, that’s not the same as everyone cheats. That’s real

SentientAndCognisant · 16/08/2020 16:02

Everyone cheats? Ryan is that you..Mr Giggs?

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/08/2020 16:07

@SentientAndCognisant

Everyone cheats? Ryan is that you..Mr Giggs?
I've never forgotten the super injunction talk on here when you couldn't mention his name and some genius was referring to him as Lying Pigs.
SentientAndCognisant · 16/08/2020 16:12

Haha I didn’t know that @MrsTerryPratchett
Christ imagine Christmas dinner with the Giggs boys. Eeeek 😬

Enderman · 16/08/2020 16:19

It's not for him to choose, it should be a joint decision.

Um... I think it is for him to choose, actually.

And no not everyone cheats. What a lovely world you must live in. Hmm