To be sad that my teens don't remember being toddlers?

[Glastonbury2020]

They are now 16 and 18. They don't remember the endless boring mums and tots groups, the soft play centres, the hours in the park on the swings, the 6am Postman Pat jigsaws, the play doh, the stories at bedtime, the educational songs at the library! Nothing!
They remember stupid things like a jam sandwich at nursery and punching their siblings in the paddling pool.
So much for making memories!
Was it all worth it?

Aw this made me a bit sad but if I reflect I don’t remember as much as my mum would like me to from being a child! Mine are still small (4 and 9) and looking back we’ve had some amazing experiences as a family and taken loads of pictures and videos in the hope they might recall some of these times when they’re older. But even if they don’t they are precious memories for me and my husband that we will treasure forever. Plus as a PP said it’s all about building the relationships as parent and child.

I kept a box of their favourite books and was surprised that they didn't remember many of them (mine are 20 and 18). But my two do enjoy hearing funny stories about things they said and did when they were little. They do enjoy talking about some of the big holidays we've had in their teens.

I mainly miss how loving they were. I'd leave the house and put my hands out and two little hands would instantly fill them. Oh and the cuddles, they were lovely. And after the bath story time and little chats. Cooking together and licking the bowl. Playing hide and seek in the house with all the lights off and the searcher with a torch. Playing in the woods. Those days are gone.

I think the foundation blocks are put in place at that age, the sensory experiences, love and feeling safe will all then be there as the base to build the memories we truly remember. Also memories tend to be visual and sensual ones at that age. Any I have of being really young are snap shots of a picture in my mind accompanied by a feeling - warmth from a sunny day for example,
or a remembered smell.

My son has a memory of being about 2/3. We lived on a boat at a marine for a month before moving house and I bought him lots of cheap toys from a jumble sale to keep him going. We left a lot on the boat when we moved. He visited the boat with his dad a few weeks later and for some reason it has flooded inside and my son remembers all his toys floating in the water and being upset about it! That isn’t something we as adults even recalled until he said.

The phrase "making memories" is twee and nauseating because that's not the way memory works. Memories are more likely to hold if there is novelty or an emotional reponse. Some people have better long term menories than others.

I remember being on holiday when I was 3... the hotel room with the excitment of the bunk bed and a bay window, and being sick. I don't remember any of the actual holiday stuff!

The value of what you do isn't in the fickle nature of memory, it's in the experience of the moment and what you learn from the experience.

I remember taking toddler DS to rhyme time.. The real value was in sitting together with books and singing. The clearest memory was that both he and the big fiesty pre-schooler there wanted the drum and that DS would crawl over to go and wrestle for it

It’s all about development. They are functioning young adults now. Job done! 😊

I have vague memories from age 3/4

My dd1 often remembers things from when she first started school but can’t remember much before that. I’m sure all the things you did with them were not a waste of time, these things helped them learn and grow. My dd1 was a horrible toddler, cried all the time, didn’t sleep through until she was 4, I’m kind of glad she can’t remember those years where I looked like a zombie and spent a lot of time crying. She was diagnosed with Aspergers at 4 years old, she can’t really remember the process of diagnosis, the hospital appointments and the awful time she had at nursery.

I took my oldest to endless art galleries in a papoose when she was little - because I like art, they were free and she had dreadful colic and would only settle in a sling. It may be a coincidence, but she is an artistic and creative adult as well as having a first class STEM degree ~preens self - obviously I take all the credit ~

And my memories of childhood are scarce. Thank God. My mum died recently and much of our babyhood (my sister and I, in our 50’s) toddlerhood and up to school age (4/5) we now find we didn’t live with our parents. We lived with our Nanna and after she died only then did we go to our mum and dad. Then the shit really began.

My sister and I had no idea of our early life. There are few photos. None of us with our parents. We only knew what our mother told us, over the years. Much of it wasn’t true.

I’m glad I only have the vaguest of memories. I feel like my brain has “protected” me.

I don’t think anyone consciously remembers much about being a toddler! But all those activities, the good parenting and all the fun they had — that has all helped form the people they are now. None of your efforts were wasted. Have a and enjoy your memories.

I'm 64, I can remember starting school, my baby brother arriving and a few other bits at around age 4. I have a strong memory of finding my grandads sister dead when I was five, not in an upsetting way, just going into her room to tell her tea was ready and finding her on the floor.

I’m told all the time by my dm what a lovely childhood I had, but weirdly can’t remember the holidays we had or the picnics, yet I remember horrible bits when I was sad like not being allowed to leave the table when very young unless I ate my meals, or she would pretend to call Barbados children’s home for them to take me away. Or when our dog bit me when I was 4, or when my GF died when I was the same age. I’m not sure whether our brains retain the traumatic bits of childhood maybe, but other stuff just disappear?

I had a friend who was so devastated that I was not planning a party for DS 3rd birthday she offered to host one for him so he would not miss out. I caved under pressure and invited some of his little friends over and had to wake him from afternoon nap. He was curious for most of the time and day under our dining table screaming and I wished them I had listened to myself and not felt pressurised. Our little ones just need to be warm, dry, and loved. They do not need an endless round of entertaining and they will not remember any of it.

barnados not Barbados!

I have a couple of very specific memories from around 3-4 but not much. We went to Disneyland but DM didn't tell us until the morning we were going and I remember very specifically being told we were going, showing Minnie Mouse my Minnie Mouse socks and the flying dumbo ride, but nothing else. I also remember being trapped in a lift age 3 (which sparked off my claustrophobia). The rest are just flashes - sitting in my grandad's lap with a book, a tricycle I used to have, being on an open top bus and having to duck tree branches, playing a daft game with my brother trying to run across pillows like a bridge between our beds.

My brother has an amazing memory in comparison and has very clear memories from 2-3 onwards

For me it's about realising that DS enjoys what we are doing 'in the moment' rather than in 20 years time and I can always show him pictures. I agree about holidays though. My abroad holidays started at 7 and I remember all of them. I wouldn't do Disney or anything like that until DS was at least 7.

They may not remember it but they will have benefited from it as part of their development. And it is definitely more for the parents. Kept me sane

OP, they may not remember it, but it pays off. DC went to a really brilliant baby music group. No memory of it but they both play instruments now to a very high standard without us ever having nagged them to practise - all self motivated. And DH and I can't play a note.
They may not remember those hours (and hours and hours and hours ) at the play park in all weathers, but they have strong muscles and good balance. Etc. What you do with your DC makes them who they are.

And here I am having constant worries that DC don’t have perfect childhoods and their memories will be rubbish 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t remember things pre 7. DH can’t remember a huge and extortionate trip to Australia when he was 9!

We’re mid 30s

So much for making memories!
That's why the whole concept of #makingmemories makes me want to hurl, we have no control over the things we remember.

And taking lots of photos is very lovely for your children to look back on, when older. My son loves it when we go through old photos of his childhood. I also recorded so much on a camera and have recently had it all (hours and hours 😂) put on to dvds. Even the relatively mundane stuff is fascinating... watching DS quietly trying to “post” tissues from a box, down the back of a radiator. He was about 18 months. Still makes us chuckle!

TheNavigator I took both my DC to galleries throughout their lives and my DD is now doing a Fine Art degree. She was naturally creative but I think it also inspired her.

I read that children will remember events based on emotional reactions, so if something was v scary or v funny, etc. I take it as a good sign that my ds doesn't remember a lot as it must have been a happy, stable and loving childhood where nothing extreme occurred. No major scary instances to be remembered.

I was told that children only start remembering things (actual events) from about 2.5 to 3, so anything before that is really only for the parents.
However, I suspect there is an "emotional" memory that starts earlier, so as previous posters have said, as long as you are giving your children care and attention and answering their emotional needs you should be fine and so will they.

My kids don't remember either. Highly infuriating. Considering all the effort. And shit I put myself through.

Mind you I don't remember any of mine either!

I have memories from about 2 onwards. I remember a holiday to Ireland (well, isolated bits) before my brother was born, and he arrived when I was 2.5. Oddly, I remember the cat having kittens under the dresser (in Ireland) but not the apparently traumatic sea crossing or my first ride in a car.

Memory is odd. I've got five kids and the older ones tend to remember stuff 'for' the younger ones, which is nice.