To be sad that my teens don't remember being toddlers?

[Glastonbury2020]

They are now 16 and 18. They don't remember the endless boring mums and tots groups, the soft play centres, the hours in the park on the swings, the 6am Postman Pat jigsaws, the play doh, the stories at bedtime, the educational songs at the library! Nothing!
They remember stupid things like a jam sandwich at nursery and punching their siblings in the paddling pool.
So much for making memories!
Was it all worth it?

I think having a positive upbringing in early childhood is good for your mental and physical health even if you don’t remember any specific moments.

I have a baby and although I know she won’t remember these days when she’s older I love knowing she’s mostly happy. It’s giving her a good start in life and it’s lovely for me to see her laughing, playing etc.

@Ploughingthrough

You were building bonds and enriching their brains which is what makes them who they are today!

Fully agree. Our 18 year old remembers little if asked directly, but will recognise things if prompted, such as when we look through photo albums or sort out the loft and find old games, cuddly toys, books, etc. He also remembers things if we go back to the same places, such as holiday resorts, theme parks, etc. It's all about "triggers".

But yes, the more important thing is that he enjoyed it at the time, remembered things short term, learned from it, gained life experiences, etc etc. So much change happens in the formative years, so much is new, then before you know it, they're off to primary school, then secondary, then Uni, with teen years, relationships, etc, it's no surprise that teens don't automatically remember things when so much has changed in their short lives.

Just remember whatever you did has helped mould them into who they are today.

I remember quite lot from age 2. We lived in a flat overseas. I remember my bedroom and my cot (specifically that I opened my nappy and spread the contents on the wall 😆), then I remember the Pierrot Clown duvet cover on my bed. My dad made me a playhouse from a giant cardboard box and it was in the corner of my bedroom. I remember 2 big bins with a stick in the corner of the kitchen (for washing my old terry cloth nappies). I remember undoing the clips on the bird cage and then my mum lifting it by the top to dust and the birds escaping! I remember being pushing down a flight of stairs outside our flat by the neighbour’s younger toddler and cracking my head. I remember the ambulance ride and going to sleep in a green operating theatre. I remember playing Mary in the kindergarten nativity at age 2 years and 11 months and the teacher gave me a necklace with a red-painted metal rose on it when we left to move back to the UK. My son remembers his brother being born when he was 2 years and 7 months. He can remember getting the train to the hospital and what he had to eat afterwards. That’s his earliest memory though.

Even if your can’t recall exact memories, the feelings of warmth, love and a happy home don’t leave us. They’re part of the fabric of their well-being

P.S. I can understand that it’s annoying though that they don’t remember all your efforts!

Even if they don’t remember it they were valuable experiences at the time and helped shape the relationship and lives they have now.

Is something only worthwhile doing if it’s remembered?

I think about this often. I do a ton with my children and recently realised that there are very few photos of me doing things with them because it’s me who takes the photos. In the photos it looks like their dad does everything with them! I guess it doesn’t really matter though, as long as they’re happy now.

I remember sseing my little brother for the first time, possibly because I was excited to see my mum after not a=having seen her for a whole day, possibly because I was scared to let go of my Dad' hand in case I got lost in the hospital where the beds were so tall and mostly because I was worried that they seemed to have give my mummy a rather small baby with no hair, who couldn't even sit up. Other people's baby brothers and sisters seemed to be much bigger. I'd have been nearly two and have only flashes of memories, but quite a lot of them, from then until about 3/4. Certainly not whole mornings at playgroup. (I do remember the wood block floor at playground though.) I suspect it might be due to not having much of a sense of time to remember stuff with, and that may be due to grammatical development . My little brother who is much cleverer than me can remember less hardly anything until we moved house when he was 5. I guess in each case some major life event that was permanent and that our parents made sure we knew was permanent at the same time was a trigger for beginning to remember things long term.

They will probably pick up on the fact that you are disappointed with them for this, though, even if you don't say anything explicitly to them, or they to you.

Of course it was worth it. You remember it don't you? So it was worth it. All of that stuff helped form who they are today and who they will be in the future.

Those things are to develop their brains not to remember. You only have to see the product of Romanian orphanages to see the early years development makes the human.

Just because they don't remember doesn't mean they didn't benefit from those things. To bring in an extreme case, do you remember the Romanian orphanages on the news decades ago.... And how the neglect they suffered affected them and they'd bang their heads against their cots...so the things we do for babies and toddlers do matter even if we haven't 'made memories'

@Fruitsaladjelly

Cross post!

I have nannied for the same children for over 12 years. Teens now and they remember everything! Ok not everything but they always hit me with random memories! I'm touched they remember little things. The memories are more from the age of 4/5 onwards though not toddlerhood, I love to remind them of things they did!

My own memory is pretty good I think because we moved A LOT so I have memories associated with each house. My own Nan was a childminder when I was a toddler and I have vivid memories of being at her house with her other charges and all the toys. I have such vivid memories of my childhood toys!

At any age a child benefits from feeling secure, loved, stimulated with various things. Even a baby, especially a baby. If not, then the opposite to happiness and growth could be some sort of damage. Their memories aren’t the important part.

Is it the making memories tosh that’s grown.

I dont remember anything before I started school bar one random memory of a holiday at age 3 where there were cows in the field next to us.

All those things you did like baby groups and play doh benefitted them in ways other than making memories. It developed their brains. I am in the middle of the soft play toddler age and I know I put so much effort into my DCs daily little and she will remember none of it, but it's still benefitting her. You were being the best mom you could be! Feel proud of what you did

I wonder how/if the advent of camera phones will change things.

We don't have loads of photos from when I was a little, but those I do certainly jog memories - not just of things in the picture, but things connected to the picture Iyswim.

I can remember things sort of before I was three - as they're all associated with a house we left when I'd just turned three, but they're not cohesive memories, just images really.

So I remember what my buggy looked like and how the straps tasted (!), my brother's swim bag, a big flowery shrub in the garden that had a million bees and my plastic trike.

Interestingly for the latter two, both have negative incidents attached to them - I fell into the shrub once as an early walker and got stung quite a bit, and with my brother's encouragement tried to do a wheelie on the trike and hit my head on the concrete garage floor. Neither of which I can remember, but I do wonder if that's why I remember the associated objects so much.

It is amazing how much they suddenly remember when they have children of their own. We saved lots of their toys and they claim to remember these. They remember really good things they did ( perhaps more of a memory of us telling them about these things). They are very positive about their childhood. As teenagers they were embarrassed by stories about cute things they did as toddlers.

@formerbabe
great minds ...

It sprang to my mind instantly. Those kids did better but never recovered as once you miss that window you can’t get it back.

We had an early chunky video camera and always filmed their birthdays and Christmas . This has also helped

oh, and friend who went to the same secondary school and later to Cambridge university can hardly remember anything from secondary school either. I probably remember more about her schooldays that she does and we weren't even in the same year or especially friends at the time. (She's much younger, but we ended up in the same profession, but at different levels.) Very bright, very able, very socially ept.

YABU to use the cringey phrase 'making memories'.

Me too @Deadringer.
I'm a sad case of 'photo or it didn't happen'. I recently happened upon a trove of undeveloped 35mm film and wonder what they might reveal of days of yore if I manage to get them even partially developed.

I took my toddler to a very expensive woodland toddler group. I think it was £8 an hour.

She doesn’t remember any of it at all!!!!

But I’m sure it has helped her development and her love for the outdoors and nature. But I was a bit disappointed that none of it had stuck. We togged up in full waterproofs every Wednesday for months and treked through a forest in slippery mud getting wet and cold.

I could have saved my money and sat at home with a cuppa in the warm.

I remember very specific things of being a very young child, {some very stressful} at around 2 yrs old..maybe before .The pyracantha at the window that cast a terrifying shadow through the curtain, and eerily, during counselling, had a perfect ''vision'' of the room my parents and I shared, seen through the bars of my pale blue cot..

The light of the streetlamp glittering off the lane in rainy weather as I was pushed in a buggy..and a cruel day nursery.
Also nicer ones..The toys they had, an injury a fellow child had on her arm that was due to an iron.

Pictures are valuable...Not to bore the @rse off others on Instagram with endless pics of a baby/toddler , but for oneself...and the child/ren in question.
Pictures trigger memories.
''Making memories''...
I think children remember specific things..not usually those laid on by an adult for their benefit 😂

It's about what it did at the time to form their minds as a person and affect who they are now. The punching made me kids...
We do loads and spend time (and money) for experiences, and I consider it time (and money) well spent. Doesn't matter whether they will remember or not. If that day, week or month, they've been happy, it's all good.

My 5yo reckons she can't remember going to Paultons Park 2 years ago so by the time she is a teenager I fully expect her to wipe her entire childhood from her memory!

@JinglesWish

I remember quite lot from age 2. We lived in a flat overseas. I remember my bedroom and my cot (specifically that I opened my nappy and spread the contents on the wall 😆), then I remember the Pierrot Clown duvet cover on my bed. My dad made me a playhouse from a giant cardboard box and it was in the corner of my bedroom. I remember 2 big bins with a stick in the corner of the kitchen (for washing my old terry cloth nappies). I remember undoing the clips on the bird cage and then my mum lifting it by the top to dust and the birds escaping! I remember being pushing down a flight of stairs outside our flat by the neighbour’s younger toddler and cracking my head. I remember the ambulance ride and going to sleep in a green operating theatre. I remember playing Mary in the kindergarten nativity at age 2 years and 11 months and the teacher gave me a necklace with a red-painted metal rose on it when we left to move back to the UK. My son remembers his brother being born when he was 2 years and 7 months. He can remember getting the train to the hospital and what he had to eat afterwards. That’s his earliest memory though.

Even if your can’t recall exact memories, the feelings of warmth, love and a happy home don’t leave us. They’re part of the fabric of their well-being

So so true... It is the details... my 3rd Birthday where David H {a big boy of 5} fell into stinging nettles and was covered in white bumps and your hospital memory reminds me of my tonsils out, and a bitter white drink the Nuns gave us to make us sleep {a ward of 4, and 3 of us were wild with excitement} and waking up with a thick head and 'glass' in my throat..and seeing the weave of the sheet in detail... Memories are pulled out by other memories...

The greatest gift you can give a child is two loving parents...who don't die, or leave.

Fancy trips are not necessary...Children know when you are ''there'' for them.

Toddlerhood and baby good is not about their memories it’s about building ‘them’ and their brain development. Children that don’t have that love and socialisation do not develop in the same way. I’m happy with that. Never thought I was making memories anyway!