To be sad that my teens don't remember being toddlers?

[Glastonbury2020]

They are now 16 and 18. They don't remember the endless boring mums and tots groups, the soft play centres, the hours in the park on the swings, the 6am Postman Pat jigsaws, the play doh, the stories at bedtime, the educational songs at the library! Nothing!
They remember stupid things like a jam sandwich at nursery and punching their siblings in the paddling pool.
So much for making memories!
Was it all worth it?

[TimetohittheroadJack]

My theory is that children remember things that are out of the ordinary.

I used to take mine to the cinema kids clubs most weekends in winter (mainly as it was £1.50, got us out the house and we’d go to the park afterwards so it kinda filled most of the day). They say things like remember dad (exh) took us to the cinema once.

Or the time i drove to Cornwall, spent 14 days doing loads of activities (in hindsight far too much). They remember a seagull stealing my sons ice cream and that we got stuck in traffic and it took us ~12 hrs to get home.

Or the fancy pants all inclusive hotel with kids clubs, water slides, loads of beach stuff, that it know as the holiday my daughter was sick (maybe 2 days out of 14).

If we are ever talking about it, or looking at photos (they are 18&20 now) I will comment things like, yeah but we were always doing stuff with you and having fun, that’s why the things that stick out are the times that weren’t fun.

[Angelina82]

Haha this made me laugh. My youngest is 18 and eldest 27 and they remember very little about the activities I took them to but they all remember the song I made up for when they were brushing their their teeth

[Pikachubaby]

A funny trick the human brain plays on us: once you hit your 80s your childhood and youth memories become very strong

My mum at 84 remember so much of her life as a child, yet her 40s and 50s she can’t remember much off.

I asked her when she hit menopause and she says “50 or 60, I can’t remember” but she remembers what coat she wore as a 5 yr old! And what her mum used to cook, and her primary school friends and teachers.

[Sunshine1235]

Just because they don’t remember the individual memories it doesn’t mean that those things you did with them had no impact. They were part of building who they are today, of creating a strong, loving and joyful environment for them to grow up in. How children are nurtured especially in their early years plays a big part in their later development. It’s not really my areas of expertise but I’ve heard/read about children who were neglected/abused in their first year or so but then get adopted but are still negatively impacted later in life. Remembering the events themselves isn’t the point it’s about their brain development and emotional growth etc

[ReallySpicyCurry]

Look at how many posters come up with long, detailed memories on MN threads like the recent "what was Sunday in your house like as a child" though. We all have more memories than we realise, but we need prompted in certain ways. Remembering what things felt, smelled, or tasted like is often a better way to dredge up more childhood memories.

I love the baby and toddler/preschool years. It's so colourful, and cosy, and full of potential, but so very fleeting.

I'm stupidly and selfishly resentful that all the baby groups etc are off, because I have a just turned two year old who I tried for years to have, and doing the rounds of tea and biscuits at toddler group was something I was really looking forward to, and now we're probably going to lose at least a year of it, and then it'll be too late, she'll be in nursery

[Annierose293]

Mine don't remember.
I have very vivid memories of my pre school years from as early as two years, and I feel blessed to have those.

[chaoticfave]

YABU, most people can’t remember being toddlers. There’s nothing at all to feel sad about. They will have enjoyed it at the time, they don’t need to remember it for it to have been special/memorable. If you’re that bothered show them photos and videos from when they were that age.

[TheWernethWife]

My heavily pregnant friend was knocking herself out in last weeks heat "making memories" with her daughter. Daughter is two fgs, no way will she remember.

[Sparklfairy]

@TheGreatWave

With the human mind, "triggers" will help bring memories back, i.e. smells, tastes, images, etc., and also sequencing, i.e. one memory leads to another, i.e. the smell of the fish & chips on the way home from a day at a theme park which means smelling fish & chips as an adult may trigger memories of that day at the theme park.

If I smell Crest toothpaste it always whips me back to my childhood holidays. I have no idea why, as I imagine it wasn't the only time I smelt Crest.

Mine is sudocrem! It doesn't even smell that great but it's more a collection of memories of "mum is here to save the day" and I feel instantly relaxed

[TheGreatWave]

With the human mind, "triggers" will help bring memories back, i.e. smells, tastes, images, etc., and also sequencing, i.e. one memory leads to another, i.e. the smell of the fish & chips on the way home from a day at a theme park which means smelling fish & chips as an adult may trigger memories of that day at the theme park.

If I smell Crest toothpaste it always whips me back to my childhood holidays. I have no idea why, as I imagine it wasn't the only time I smelt Crest.

[LadyOfTheImprovisedBath]

One of the great entertainments of being a grandparent is watching your own adult kids unconsciously re-enact large chunks of their own childhood with their children.

We've purposly taken our kids to the locations we had the best holidays as children - Scarborough and Tenby - did Tenby few times as closer. Also did Bultins Skegness when they were really young- did it for about 5 years before we outgew it so older two remember some of it - apparently DH was taken to Skegness when young but didn't remember it.

[LadyOfTheImprovisedBath]

I have two early memories both datable to me being three.

One exciting one upsetting- there may possibly be another meeting a very old relative but it's very vauge and possibly becuase I was told I did.

My next lot of memories are from older years 6-7 special events or situations at school or brownies and sometimes becuase my cohort enjoyed talking about said events. I think there may be a woodland walk to older realtives house with primsroses or bluebells with my Mum but very vauge.

Then there more but mostly it's mid teens onwards. Though remember holidaying couple of times in same place which helps me have memories of that location.

I have a really good episodic memory post teen years often remeber where I saw or heard a fact.


I'm seeing it with older two chidlren 13-15 their memories of their chidlhods are getting fewer which I assume it becuase brains started re-wiring which it will do now until they hit around 25.

I thought early events where to help build their brains and add to their skills and experinces not really about them remembering. Though parents having postive memories to help through the trying times is probably also a factor.

[BabyLlamaZen]

I sometimes think that with my 9 month old. He is finally seeing his great grandma and has lots of fun, but I know he will never remember her. 😭

I agree that it's all about building their brains, giving all kind of experiences, stimulation and teaching them to love. So it's not what you do or how much of it, but how you do it. You can spend every day at home and create a wonderful child. That makes me feel better anyway.

[user1471538283]

My DS remembered the odd thing with me. But everything we did shaped his development and his viewpoint. There were treasured times and I'm glad we did them.

[PhilSwagielka]

I remember mine. But then I have a ridiculous long-term memory. Do you not have photos or anything?

[Glastonbury2020]

Lots of interesting responses!
I remember the stairs in our house which we left when I was 3. No other memories of the house, just the stairs! I probably spent all my time learning to climb them!
I suppose, as some of you have said, no major memories= a fairly happy and contented, so I must have done ok by my kids!

[user1497207191]

What matters is that kids were happy and developing at that moment in time. They'd have remembered things at that time, i.e. the next day, the next week, the next month, etc. But as they grow older and get more memories, some things get pushed to the back of the mind and replaced with new memories.

It's like a filing cabinet. You tend to put current files to the top/front and put the archived files to the back/bottom. They're still there, but harder to find.

With the human mind, "triggers" will help bring memories back, i.e. smells, tastes, images, etc., and also sequencing, i.e. one memory leads to another, i.e. the smell of the fish & chips on the way home from a day at a theme park which means smelling fish & chips as an adult may trigger memories of that day at the theme park.

It's just the same as we do with elderly people with memory problems. Sensory techniques really help to bring back the long forgotten memories.

[eddiemairswife]

My earliest memories are sitting on my swing in the garden and calling for my mother to swing me, and being stung by a wasp that had crawled down the neck of my summer dress; these happened before my 3rd (October) birthday, because we were evacuated later that year and never returned to that house. I also remember said third birthday; the night before was spent in the Andersen shelter, and I remember walking up the garden path in my dressing-gown and slippers feeling excited because it was my birthday.

[SkyeIsPink]

The only thing I remember from that age is a kid eating mud.

I think this is common for most people, the brain can only hold so much

[WaxOnFeckOff]

Why would you ever feel angry or disappointed about something that they cannot help? I didn't read all the posts and clearly, feelings are feelings, but do all these posters remember every day of their childhood and made sure that their parents knew so they wouldn't be angry or disappointed?

I just love it when they come out with little nuggets that they remember and the happiness they feel when you tell them a memory of their childhood is a really lovely thing.

What does make me sad is that I don't have my mum or dad to share memories with anymore but I'm enjoying being on a facebook group for the area I grew up and sharing memories there.

[2bazookas]

Your teens memory banks hold a great deal more than they are consciously aware of. One of the great entertainments of being a grandparent is watching your own adult kids unconsciously re-enact large chunks of their own childhood with their children.

Naturally todays parents know far more and better about parenting than we ever did so they are definitely not doing any fuddy duddy old last-century stuff.

Just a week ago DS whatsapped me a picture of an outing with the GCs and an excited comment that he'd just found this wonderful new place to take them and how much he and they loved it. Little rubber dinghy, freezing loch, nobody else there, picnic, idyllic.

I have many near- identical old photos of DS at the same age . Different loch and rubber dinghy; and I bet the GC's picnic was his old favourites; boiled eggs, cheese sarnies, bananas. DH and I were chuckling at the whatsapp and saying to each other " Where's the brew? We always made a brew when we took them to the loch".

This week DS announced he's just acquired this wonderful invention called a kelly kettle...just the thing for brewing tea at a picnic.

Coming next week ; the re-invention of hot ribena .

[Emeraldshamrock]

I feel really sad about this because I'm now wondering if my mum who is now dead felt angry or disappointed with my brother and me for not being able to remember so much
I doubt she's was angry or disappointed ❤ Most parents only want to see their child loved and happy in the moment all memories build a foundation 💕 I imagine I'm building an adult based on feelings. I don't understand a parent feeling sad if the DC won't remember as long as they went to bed that day happy secure and smiling.

[julybaby32]

WaxOn thank you very much for the reply. I guess that means that it doesn't automatically mean my mum felt angry/ sad/ disappointed with me for not remembering then, even if some other poster do.

[noses11]

I remember very little before we moved house when I was four. Probably would have had the same answer when 16 myself.

[cologne4711]

I don't remember toddlerhood except for my first memory being whacking into the side of something and nearly taking my eye out! I had a scar for years. I think I was about 3.

I've always said "making memories" is a nonsense - kids remember what they remember, not what their parents think they should remember.