Aibu to want to leave nursing because people are so fucking rude!!!

[Rabs6]

Iv been nursing for 11 years, worked hard for my nursing degree and am currently studying for my masters. Bare minimum I do about 2hours a week of continuing learning just to keep up to date with what's going on in my field.
Im good at my job and have lots of knowledge.

The problem I have with my job isn't the pay or the hours it's the fact that about 70% of the patients I see or their families are fucking horrible!! At least every day I get spoken to like shit from at least one person I'm trying to help and I'm so sick of it!!
In what other job would you work so hard to have such little respect? And why do so many people feel its OK to use their nurse as an emotional punch bag!!!

@Wearywithteens

I think faced with rude members of the public you’d be well within your rights to adopt a very frosty demeanour and give only the minimal service required. And calmly say things like ‘please don’t speak to me like that, I’m only trying to do my job here...’ or ‘it’s my job to help you here, but I need you to lower your tone with me’ or even, ‘well you were next in line to be seen but if you’re shouting and being rude we’ll wait until you’ve calmed down.’

I’ve said things like that when dealing with the public and they’re almost like tantrummy children, as soon as they realise someone is in charge who is not going to put up with their shit they calm down. (Well many do but some people are just utter Cs - you can’t win em all)

But please don’t leaving nursing, the rest of us normal polite people need you!!

This x 💯

YANBU OP. All the posts saying it must be your fault because obviously there aren't very many rude people out there are so wrong that they verge on artistic surrealism.

I give everything to this job. I arrive early EVERY shift so I have time to review obs before handover, I work through my breaks so documentation doesn't take me away from the bedside, I stay late to file paperwork. Yesterday I was an hour over and I popped in to say goodnight to one of my pts, and she wanted someone to talk to so I was there another half an hour. I wake up thinking about it every morning and I go to sleep thinking about it every night. I have nightmares about work most nights.

I'm a fucking idiot and the burnout is going to hit like a freight train, but the point is that I give absolutely everything to this job, and people still treat me like dog dirt.

I think it's because they don't understand that nursing is a choice, not a life sentence, and as nurses are mistreated we will in fact leave. We're haemorrhaging nurses and it's one reason the service is so slow and care can be delayed or inadequate. Unfortunately as nurses continue to leave because the job is so miserable, the service will continue to deteriorate. And literally no nurse in the nation will be surprised.

Hope you're okay. I'm not, and neither are most of my colleagues.

@TheBouquets - does having the lexicon of a sailor impact on this nurse’s empathy or their work ethic? Is this nurse good at what he/she does in the context of their job? Do they swear at work and terrify their patients? (Highly unlikely). Most people are capable of behaving in a professional manner in their place of work and moderating their language to suit the occasion.
While I agree that there are some health personnel with abrasive personalities, by and large, they began in their career with good intentions. Generally their experience working with the public can make them cynical.
I live in Australia and in public and private hospital settings we have a Zero Tolerance Policy towards violence or aggressive/threatening behaviour towards any hospital or medical staff members (medical or not). The moment anyone kicks off, they are removed by security - whether they are sick, injured, stressed, etc. Doesn’t matter. (It is usually overly-entitled family members and addicts that get this treatment, btw...) We have had too many staff members injured or traumatized on the job, and none of us signed up for this. While it’s not completely foolproof, it has gone a long way to ensure a much safer and happier working environment for our staff, which makes for a more empathetic approach to our patients.

In my short nursing career I found people were either lovely and tolerant and kind despite being so unwell or rude and obnoxious (usually less unwell). I went to work on ICU mainly to avoid the less unwell rude and entitled ones. I do remember being on my break once with a couple of colleagues and hearing a call for help on the unit: we rushed out the staff room to help resuscitate a very sick patient- meanwhile their lovely relatives went through our bags which we'd left out of the lockers in our rush to help and stole our cash and some peoples credit and debit cards. I left nursing shortly after to retrain. To be honest though a lot of nurses are completely awful to their colleagues and some can be rude and uncaring to patients. It's not a profession I would ever consider again

Try being an HCA - I've worked in hospitals where nurses have sat behind the nurses station barking orders at me for entire shifts, had one nurse grab my wrist and lead me to handover like I was a naughty child and another scream at both me and a patient with dementia because she took exception to me gently explaining she couldn't take her leg brace off. Then there are the patients . . I've been kicked, punched, grabbed and spat at, the worst is being belittled and told I'm incompetent just because I'm young and female. All whilst being rushed off my feet providing an excellent standard of care for just over minimum wage.

Now I work with a lovely team in a tiny rural practice part time - bliss! If anyone abused me now I would be out like a shot as I'm lucky that I don't need to work. Some patients are incredibly rude and entitled but I think the current culture of nursing becoming less focused on kindness and more academic and hands off no longer inspires the same level of confidence in people.

I'm a nurse and thinking of applying for a theatre scrub nurse job. All the patients would be asleep. No families. Bliss grin

This!!!!

Can you move to a difference hospital or practise where people are less ungrateful or is there no such thing.
I work in the leisure industry and we do get a few knobs but 99% are very lovely.

Confused. But are the surgeons not complete arseholes??? Stereotyping here.

Pink Prosecco. That's disgusting!!

@peanutbutterandfluff I'm a vet too and the demands and unrelastic expectations from owners has skyrocketed in the past few months for us as well. Every day is a struggle and slog to get through. Google reviews are like TripAdvisor - fewer people think to leave a positive review but are running to their computers when they aren't happy. A PP mentioned that it's "never the vets" who get abuse from clients which is absolutely false. Just last week I was shouted and sworn at down the phone for a miscommunication and admin error made by a couple of my reception and nursing colleagues which I had to deal with, and was told I was stupid when I reported liver abnormalities on bloods when his dog was showing neurological symptoms. "Neurological means the brain, are you fucking stupid?" - this was the same guy who was already hellbent on spouting as much abuse as possible on the back of the admin error. Vets get it too, albeit a lot of it is behind closed doors!

Of course, it's a public facing-role thing, and no one deserves it, but for me it's worse when it's a healthcare related role - be that animal or human - as there's the added emotive pressure of lives involved. I'd handle it better if someone was unnecessarily complaining about their retail experience, for example.

I think a lot of rudeness is generated by unrealistic expectations of what nurses or any HCP can provide.I do mental health liaison, I regularly see people in A&E who turn up with a suitcase packed telling me they want to transfer to the mental health hospital or go directly to a drug/alcohol rehab inpatient facility. The widespread publicity about being more open and accepting of mental health needs has led people to assume there is an immediate service if you want it,there isn't. There are minimal beds and generally those who get them are detained under the mental health act, waits to see a community mental health team and 12 months for basic psychological service. Most new initiatives are self help focused which lots of people don't want. I am shouted at by patients and relatives when they are told that a mental health service isn't immediately there and isn't as simple as arriving in A&E and demanding it. There is minimal abuse from genuinely mentally ill people (and I'm not including people who are under the influence of drugs/alcohol in this).

Horrified to hear the level of abuse vets are subjected to! I'm absolutely in awe of the vets who care for our animals, especially the lady who looked after our cat in his last few days - she was so kind, patient and reassuring and made losing him bearable. You really are all amazing, as well as the receptionists and nurses - wonderfully efficient and kind. The last two vets we've had to see took one look at our animals and immediately diagnosed the problem. I know we have to pay but I don't resent a single penny of it!

I work in retail...i absolutely take no abuse from customers and i give as good as i get...im very lucky that my employer backs us up...years ago I worked in a Co op and told a woman to f off...nothing ever came of it...I dont earn enough to be abused and so will not tolerate it.

A disappointing number of general public do think it’s acceptable to take out their rage on the nearest person they assume to be responsible for their frustrations. When they’re ill too they’re doubly disagreeable.

I’m not clinical but work in the NHS, some people are just awful no matter how much you’re trying to help. Often they’re on the attack before you’ve even said anything. The many that aren’t do make me feel slightly better about it to some extent, but it does wear you down day after day.

If this helps at all I fully respect nurses and feel they don't get the professional credit that they deserve. I want to hear a nurses opinion just as much as a doctors because I know they have probably seen it all.

I despair of the public.. Over entitled, huge expectations, compounded by everyone being an Internet expert...

But you only have to read the threads on here when someone says their gp or nurse won't give them xyz for their sniffle/verruca/kids minor bump... And there are cries of "go down there and refuse to leave until you get xyz" or "go to a and e and make a fuss"..

Its the low level disrespect and rudeness from patients that over time wears out the most empathic health are worker.

I remember one delightful parent screaming abuse at us and threatening to go to the papers (daily fail obviously) because the nurse she wanted was on her break for another ten minutes, and the rest of us didn’t know the answer to her question as we weren’t looking after her child.

When a couple of the camhs patients come in and they start destroying the ward, abusing staff, hitting, punching, kicking, breaking equipment. We are not mental health nurses. We just get told we need a ‘bit more training’ from management. It’s no wonder people go off sick or leave.

I had a very brief moment some time ago of suddenly understanding why people go mad in A&E and start trashing the place. It was just a moment of pure despair. I was in incredible pain, just unbelievable pain, and had been diagnosed just ten minutes earlier with a condition that the doctor said was one of the most painful conditions that doctors are aware of. Then the doctor smiled breezily and said 'we don't do pain relief here, because we've found that it is misused by drug addicts. So just make an appointment to see your GP next week'. Next week? I was crying with the pain, sobbing like a child. Then she said 'you seem upset, why is that?'.

I felt a moment of pure despair. I wanted someone to listen. I wanted to die the pain was so bad. The thought that I would have to wait until 'next week' (this was a Friday night) for anything more than paracetamol was just so terrible I couldn't contemplate it.

I didn't trash A&E. I went home and screamed into my pillow in agony, and was in such a terrible state that my children were crying with fear because they thought I was dying.

When policies like that cause genuine suffering, it is the staff who bear the brunt.

Mental health services have been massively underfunded since the Tories. I really feel for a&e staff trying to manage those patients and being told they just need 'a bit more training'.

@isabellerossignol that's absolutely terrible. To be dismissed in that manner because of a policy which could be managed on a case by case basis is dreadful.

People are at their worst when in pain, ill, and frightened.

Then you add in how overstretched the NHS workers are.

My elderly father has been in hospital a few times. Last time he was on a trolley in the corridor crying for morphine for several hours (I wasn’t there, he went in by ambulance accompanied by someone from his care home). I doubt he was at his best.
Geriatric wards are places of hell, appalling that it’s how people see their last hours. I can understand why people get cross when their relative is asleep in an open ward bed with nothing on except an adult nappy and no cover on the bed. I also understand there are too few nurses.

@isabellerossignol - that is barbaric. I would refuse to work for a hospital/department that had such a policy.

I think it’s true that only 5% of the people we encounter are rude but that’s enough to knock your self esteem and leave you feeling worthless at times. Some nurses become defensive because they’re expecting the next attack after working somewhere particularly unpleasant like A&E or outpatients.

There’s definitely an attitude I see on here and at work where patients/relatives have done their own research online and instead of using their new knowledge to have a more informed discussion with their HCP they come ready for a fight for the treatment they believe is best. I appreciate you have to be your own advocate at times but it is very unhelpful to be completely blinkered and opposed to talking it over with a HCP.

@isabellerossignol so sorry you experienced that. I had similar. I wasn't sent home, but I was (after being brought in by ambulance) left in a waiting room for hours with a doctor giving me paracetamol and ibuprofen and "waiting for it to work". I was in so much pain it bent my mind. I had disturbed vision, I was vomiting constantly, literally writhing around across two plastic chairs trying to find a posture where i wasn't in agony. There was no such posture. I was in agony the entire time. In the end I told the doctor - not rudely, but bluntly - what my treatment should be in light of me clearly experiencing a complication of a previously diagnosed condition. My condition and the possible complication were both on my notes anyway, but he was an incompetent abusive fuck and ignored me until that point. I did get surgery in the end but I nearly died that night. I now have an absolute fear and horror of ever going into an NHS hospital again. Unfortunately there is no alternative. I wish there was.

People are rude everywhere. It’s crap. Don’t take it personally, I try to challenge or reflect it back.

I was in hospital twice last year. My Aunty having been a nurse for 40 years pretty much said the same as you OP. As such I was always nice to the nursing staff. However, I witnessed other people being outrageously rude to doctors, nurses, HCAs, etc. It really boiled my piss tbh. All you good people were trying to do was get us better for crying out loud.

Any role that involves dealing with the public has this problem.

Oh I can only imagine. The general public suck.