Aibu to want to leave nursing because people are so fucking rude!!!

[Rabs6]

Iv been nursing for 11 years, worked hard for my nursing degree and am currently studying for my masters. Bare minimum I do about 2hours a week of continuing learning just to keep up to date with what's going on in my field.
Im good at my job and have lots of knowledge.

The problem I have with my job isn't the pay or the hours it's the fact that about 70% of the patients I see or their families are fucking horrible!! At least every day I get spoken to like shit from at least one person I'm trying to help and I'm so sick of it!!
In what other job would you work so hard to have such little respect? And why do so many people feel its OK to use their nurse as an emotional punch bag!!!

Yes it’s shocking.

After being spoken to on the phone like crap I used the Mumsnet stock response of “I don’t know if you meant to be that rude then, but I hope that you can appreciate that it came across as extremely rude”....30 minutes later that staff member appeared, knocked on my office door and wanted to apologise in person for their behaviour.
I smiled gracefully but the voices in my head were mumbling something about that person being a cunt.

I’ve been kicked, punched, scratched, spat at, sworn at, shouted at.
Go and be a nurse they said...it’s GREAT they said...they told lies.

I’m looking for a job that doesn’t involve, well, people really. I’ve had enough. Feel your frustration op, I feel it.

Vile , although they don't dare do the same to doctors. I wonder why? Snobs, possibly. Maybe they aren't always getting a good service, but I know that's because of poor funding for sufficient Nhs staff.

On the whole I've found patients to be fine, it's often the relatives that feel the need to be intimidating and belittle you. I'm an ANP and find often the 'your just a nurse' attitude is enough to make me want to flip! Public don't understand though the 3years to train, the years of experience, the 2-5years of further education for a master's, plus studying examination skills and prescribing to add on another couple of years to the mix. Then having to prove all this every three years, paying an annual fee to maintain registration and mandatory professional development..........but yes Mr Smith...I'm just a nurse....
Saying that I do still get a whole lot of satisfaction from my job, just learnt people are arseholes! And don't get me started on some colleagues......

I was going to ask what area of health you work in.... In the high-stress arenas like mental health, drug rehab or aged care, people genuinely feel like there should be more help available to them, and they feel hopeless and exhausted. In emergency situations you see the best and the worst of people. (Unfortunately, often the worst....) People only see their immediate needs and have no idea what other priorities you have, or what that can mean to the life of another patient.
It is also easy to focus on the horrid patients when you have been dealing with lovely ones all day. You don’t get a chance to get the stories behind the great ones anymore. If you do, maybe plot out an internal diary to hang onto to as a conscious effort to guard against the dodgy ones. It is really easy to become cynical.
*Before I began studying nursing I was a flight attendant. I was doing CPR on a passenger in the aisle one day when the passenger in the seat next to me asked me for a coffee.

A lot of people turn in to utterly entitled bastards when they are being provided with a service, especially the ones who have no authority or power in their day to day lives.
They see the person serving them in whatever capacity as being beneath them and treat them accordingly. Arrogant little pricks.

I work in a contact centre. That's all I need to say
I've only ever snapped at a HCP once and that was waiting to go down for an op for a condition that's possibly affected by smoking. It was my first GA and I was terrified and he started going on and on about smoking. I ended up snapping that I had quit 6 months ago, had this condition since I was 12 as had my mum who had never smoked, and this was my first ever op so stopping obviously hadn't helped. He did apologise

The nurses after my spinal op were amazing, I took them a bag of goodies and left them my magazines. One made me the best hot chocolate at 3am when I couldn't sleep

Most are lovely but some are so rude, I think some of this is due to completely unrealistic expectations. I had a formal complaint made against me because I was 30 minutes late to a patients home.
They lived on an isolated farm, with no signage whatsoever. I drove past the entrance 3 times before I found it. That's mileage money I will never see again!! Thankfully PAL's told them they were being ridiculous.
I have also been sexually assaulted twice by patients.
The older I've got the less likely they are to bother me though. I have raised 6'2" rugby players and a dgtr with enough angst to make Dominic Cummings shit himself. Nowt much scares me anymore and I think I give off a "just try it, mate" vibe.

I try to be courteous to everyone I come across, I don't understand those who seem to wake up in the morning with the sole purpose of upsetting people.

All the nurses/midwives/HCAs/consultants... who've provided me with care have been fantastic and I cannot thank them enough. I always sort out gift bags if I'm unfortunate enough to have a hospital stay for those lovely staff members.

However, the rudest people I've come across are GPs. I've been locked into a battle with my current GP for 6 months now regarding my care; with him thinking that an MSK appointment (no imaging at all, no blood tests, no further investigation) where the physio looked at me and said 'By the way you're walking I can tell there's nothing wrong with your back and hips' and sent me away, is perfectly sufficient to diagnose me. I'm in daily agony.
I spent the first 4 months being my normal, nice self. Now I am just as rude as he is. He's insinuated that; I'm faking it, a drama queen, a painkiller addict... so I am pretty fucked off with his attitude.
Funnily enough, the minute I started getting stroppy with him and answering him back was the minute he began referring me further.

The point I'm trying to make is that I afford people the curtesy they afford me. Stranger, cold caller, medical professional. You're nice to me and I'm nice to you. I find that the GPs tend to take an arrogant, superior, 'I know more than you do' stance and it gets my back up. I won't be nice to you just because your an 'insert job here'.

I don't know about nursing etc but have you considered nursing in the private health care sector? Assuming it is not against your principles, but perhaps it might be better? Less pressure, better environment- the patients might be less stressed.

You have my sympathy OP. I encounter so many rude and passive aggressive patients in hospital on a daily basis. I believe a lot of the disrespect seems to stem from an outdated understanding of nursing education and responsibilities. I truly believe that the overrepresentation of women in nursing also does the profession no favours and gives certain (male) patients the impression that the job is not one to be respected.
My recent favourite was a man who rudely demanded inappropriate care then flounced off shouting “what would I know, I’m only a chartered accountant!” Of course on the doctor’s round he managed to speak respectfully and politely and accept their advice that what has was requesting was totally inappropriate for his situation.

My friend made the mistake of moving to ICU to care for ventilated patients, only to discover that if their family are unpleasant she can be stuck with them scrutinising her every move for an entire shift. Covid visiting restrictions were such a blessing to a lot of us. It is so sad because the best thing for our patients would be to work collaboratively with family but the reality is that they are usually just very critical. I do not work in the UK or even in the public sector so I can’t accept this is a case of ‘resources stretched thin and families feeling desperate’.

Like @justilou1 I have been in the middle of a resuscitation and had a man try and interrupt to ask for a cup of tea. This is actually a fairly common occurrence amongst my nursing friends.

I work in healthcare and find generally most people are lovely, but (will probably get flamed for this) it is invariably older people who are rude. I smile sweetly and inwardly seethe however I love older people the stories they tell and most are fascinating and I feel lots from interacting with them so tend to focus on this. I find it helps to remember that no matter how awful they are my interaction with them is short and some poor soul is stuck with them all the time

I've often wondered why a lot of people seem to lack basic manners when it comes to healthcare workers. The sense of entitlement I've witnessed from ungrateful people is astounding. People getting called for their appts at hospitals/doctors who can't muster a smile or acknowledgement to the person seeing them. Or people being rude and not even being able to say thank you to someone helping them! A lot of people are just arseholes unfortunately!

It’s a problem in any job working with Joe Public.

I gave up working with children because I don't want to have to deal with the parents.

From extensive experience, I cannot stand nurses, with the odd exception. It literally gives me anxiety being around them. But I would never be rude, so I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.

Can never understand the logic of being rude to someone who is trying to help you

Are you doing a good job?

Most people have terrible stories about the NHS...my grampa was getting antibiotics for pneumonia recently & has seen the doctors regularly for this for 2 years...it has now turned out to be advanced lung cancer & has months to live.

It also took me 2 years to get my kids adenoids removed despite a constant runny nose...I find that google knows more than most doctors etc.

I was still out clapping but a lot of people have a history with the NHS & maybe it's hard to let this go.

I was surprised when first moving here to see signs up in hospitals and GP surgeries that violence and rudeness would not be tolerated and to show respect. These signs were never needed in the previous country I lived in. But there is also a very noticeable difference in the way a significant number of medical staff here interact compared to the previous country. Too often here I have come across people who almost seem to go out of their way to be unhelpful, and with a smug attitude. If you dare to complain, they just become more obstinate and unhelpful, taking everything personally, instead of acting professionally. (Mainly receptionists). Answering the phone with a "can I help you (sigh)" in a tone that says "b*** off" will immediately get people's backs up. Also find GPs and some consultants to have pompous and dismissive attitudes and not be at all interested in listening or trying to solve problems and help the person, just tick boxes and get rid of you ASAP. I can't say I have ever had problems with nurses though, always been lucky enough to come across pleasant ones, apart from one who stormed out of the room in a huff to replace an oxygen mask when I asked her (very politely) if DH could have a clean oxygen mask as the one he had had been sitting on the filthy floor. I'm sure I'll get a lot of abuse for this post and it will be put down to me having a bad attitude with staff to start with, but this is not the case, and I have only noticed the surliness and other problems in this country.

I hear you op. I experience the same on a regular basis. From patients, families & worse, some colleagues. The older I get, the shorter my fuse as far as tolerating rudeness goes. Sadly I think it is just a reflection of people in general & that I would have to deal with the same shit in any job that involves other people. Was watching a tv show on the high suicide rate amongst vets in my country due to the disillusionment they feel after studying for years to find they cop abuse regularly, paired with the long (on call) hours. Sad indictment of society isn’t it. I remind myself that the many people who act this way must be very unhappy within themselves & am eternally grateful I have never felt so low that I feel the need to treat people so badly. 💐

All hospital staff get this, but doctors and nurses definitely get the worst of it.

I wouldn't blame you for packing it in. There are some lovely patients though, and depending on which department you work in you can see a lot of really heartwarming things that make it feel worth it sometimes.

People are horrible. I understand your frustration. I am a journalist (lifestyle - so fitness, real life, health). I get rape and death threats at least once a week. The comments are generally sexist and classist. Sometimes racist even though I'm white which is odd.

I'm 25. I'd say I've had over 200 murder /rape threats. I've been in the industry 3 years.

It's not a nursing thing. It's a female thing.

Some of the rudest&nastiest people ive ever met have been healthcare professionals..Why oh why do these people want to work with the public as they truly seem to hate having to act with any type of care or normal politeness!
My awful experiences run the gamut from the midwife who ridiculed my inability to breastfeed and general inexperience of motherhood(no shit it was my first dc)with her colleague in front of me like i wasnt there, to the nurse doing my dc jabs-telling them off for being scared and lauging that there would be plenty more needles as they grew up. The doctor who sent me packing with a seriously ill baby twice(calling me an anxious new mum and too much time on my hands to worry!?)until i called an ambulance and she was rushed to a&e and had to stay for7days almost died.Recently teen dd had fasting bloodwork done and the lady was an utter joke-she got a bollocking for having veins that are too far under the skin-then after trying to use the needle to locate a vein in left arm she tried the same "technique"with the right..my daughter was in tears..She was then told angrily to come back in a few days so nurse could have another go as she must be "having an off day" but shed get there eventually?-(yeah as if)..Just drink heaps of water and use a heatpack on arms to bring up veins..like fasting blood tests and jabbing around with needles are something to be repeated- i went an had a word with reception and they advised me to try another more experienced lady next time and told me when she was in.
I cant abide these rude contemptuous arseholes who have no idea of what patient care looks like and expect manners and smiles in exchange for their behaviour and moan that they're treated poorly by the public.

YANBU. I used to work in a small hospital and it was my job to speak to anyone who had a complaint while they visited. Some of the people were nice, but most of them were horrible. I was assaulted in a number of occasions by angry people, had knives pulled on me and in the end developed PTSD and left after I was sexually assaulted. It really put me off people and I’ve not been able to work with the public since.

Interesting. As someone who has several family members in similar roles they rarely have shitty patients, more like shitty peers. Given you're saying such a high number are so 'horrible', to you I would suggest one of three plausabilities, 'thin' skin, you don't live in a nice area or you're not as nice as you think you might be. Even during my studies I didn't experience the level you're stating.