Page 4 | To think anyone TTC now is mad?

absolutelybloodyanonymous · 2020-08-13T20:12:57+00:00

Given the GDP fall-economy disaster, rising unemployment, coronavirus, does it seem bloody mad to be TTC now? I’ve got mates and family who are TTC or already upduffed and it seems absolutely mad to me. Why does RIGHT NOW feel like a good time to TTC? AIBU? (Nc for this!)

Greyblueeyes · 13/08/2020 22:25

Seriously, OP? What a judgemental and goady post. There are some of us who have been trying for a baby for years. Infertility has been devastating for my husband and me. We have been trying for years. And we both have stable jobs and are in a stable marriage.

I also would like to know if you have children yourself.

Sparklesocks · 13/08/2020 22:28

@lynsey91

I can't believe any sane person would think getting pregnant now is a good idea.

None of us know what is going to happen with the virus do we? It's pretty selfish really to bring a child into such an uncertain world.

Just in case you need to know, me and DH are childfree by choice. An overpopulated and pretty messed up world only likely to get worse with climate change, food and water shortages etc certainly does not need more humans added

Your medal is in the post.

SonjaMorgan · 13/08/2020 22:30

We have been trying to conceive for 18 months. We have worked hard to be financially secure and live frugally for the income we have.

Skyliner001 · 13/08/2020 22:33

Mind your own.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 13/08/2020 22:33

I think it is way too hot to be TTC right now. 🤣

TheMarshGirl · 13/08/2020 22:35

Your medal is in the post.

, I mean, the briefest glance at Linsey's posting history...like, ANY opportunity to say "I'm I'm childfree by choice, , , that's CHILDFREE BY CHOICE, did you hear me? By choice ok? Child.free. yeah"?

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I mean...good? What the fuck do you want, a prize? Honestly, hush deary. Nobody cares, except you and your DP. HTH 👍.

TheAquaticDuchess · 13/08/2020 22:37

Don’t be so judgmental.

This recession is going to last for years, so for people not in their early twenties there isn’t the luxury of waiting for the economic outlook to improve if they want a family.

There is no evidence that pregnant women or babies are any more at risk from Coronavirus than anyone else, so unless you have other health concerns it’s not a reason to stop in and of itself.

And for some people, this is actually a brilliant time. I’m currently pregnant (with a baby conceived pre-lockdown before you sneer at me) and I’ve never saved so much money in my life thanks to not commuting, eating out, socialising or going on holiday. I’ve been able to work from home since March which had been a godsend with morning sickness and exhaustion. And both my husband and I have incredibly secure jobs which are about as recession proof as it’s possible to be.

All you can say with any confidence is that it would be madness for you to try to have a baby right now. That’s fine - don’t have one. But you have absolutely no idea what other people’s circumstances are, and your blanket condemnation is ridiculous.

and ‘upduffed’ is a repulsive term

Original poster

absolutelybloodyanonymous · 13/08/2020 22:37

I’m 39 and suffered recurrent miscarriages and multiple rounds of IVF. (Veternan of MN infertility page) Would love another and time is obviously of the essence for me but seems frightening to think that we don’t know the effects of the virus on the foetus and new figures showing more hospitalisations and illness for infants.

I am being honest in asking aiBu and feels quite goady to have everyone boast about their comfortable jobs and savings when so many others are on the breadlines.

OP posts:

TalkingOutOfMyBottom · 13/08/2020 22:38

@Shefliesonherownwings

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/08/2020 22:39

@TheMarshGirl

😂😂😂

Perhaps she is trying to infiltrate Mumsnet. There's plenty of childless by choice people on here who dont preach at people for TTC.

Its like me going into the butchers and preaching veganism 😂

Sparklesocks · 13/08/2020 22:40

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriages and have personal experience of that particular pain.

However it’s not fair to project your own fears and anxieties onto others and make sweeping statements. When you make such a goady OPs you will inevitably stimulate an emotional reaction, because you’re essentially criticising currently pregnant and women trying to get pregnant for their decisions and questioning their judgement.

IsaLain · 13/08/2020 22:41

No one is boasting. You're the one being goady and rude to suggest anyone ttc is mad and doing something wrong. They're just defending their decision by reminding you that not everyone is out of a job, and others are making the really blooyd obvious point that their age is against them so they cant wait.

The only one being goady here is you. Other people's situations have nothing to do with you and judging them for getting pregnant is just not on. Then going on to say that they're just boasting when they point out the obvious answers... you need to check yourself

Albgo · 13/08/2020 22:41

@Shefliesonherownwings - sorry for your loss, hugs. And congratulations on your current pregnancy.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/08/2020 22:42

@absolutelybloodyanonymous

I dont have a comfortable job or any savings. I earn a pittance. Me and DP will scrape by. But we will manage.

Im sorry for your losses

We all have a right to interpret this thing in our own way. People still live next to busy roads even though the pollution causes harm. I guess its just risk management.

PurpleDaisies · 13/08/2020 22:43

You say you would love another.

Try and remember what it’s like for those of us still trying to have one.

TheAquaticDuchess · 13/08/2020 22:43

I am being honest in asking aiBu and feels quite goady to have everyone boast about their comfortable jobs and savings when so many others are on the breadlines.

Do you seriously have the brass neck to be accusing other people of goadiness after posting a thread on a parenting website calling anyone trying to have a baby ‘mad’?

Veenah · 13/08/2020 22:43

You asked why people would TTC now, any "boasts" were just answers to your question. And your OP came across as considerably more goady than most responses.

RyanBergarasTeeth · 13/08/2020 22:44

Because people want to hth.

DoubleFunMum · 13/08/2020 22:44

I had a miscarriage just before Covid hit. I'm 38, nearly 39. My house is paid off, I have no debt and a secure job. Is that and the other 89 replies enough reasons for you OP?

bee222 · 13/08/2020 22:44

@TheMarshGirl

Your medal is in the post.

, I mean, the briefest glance at Linsey's posting history...like, ANY opportunity to say "I'm I'm childfree by choice, , , that's CHILDFREE BY CHOICE, did you hear me? By choice ok? Child.free. yeah"?

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I mean...good? What the fuck do you want, a prize? Honestly, hush deary. Nobody cares, except you and your DP. HTH 👍.

I’ve just looked and you’re absolutely right!

Albgo · 13/08/2020 22:44

And hugs to you too @Greenbks

Hardbackwriter · 13/08/2020 22:45

@absolutelybloodyanonymous

I’m 39 and suffered recurrent miscarriages and multiple rounds of IVF. (Veternan of MN infertility page) Would love another and time is obviously of the essence for me but seems frightening to think that we don’t know the effects of the virus on the foetus and new figures showing more hospitalisations and illness for infants.

I am being honest in asking aiBu and feels quite goady to have everyone boast about their comfortable jobs and savings when so many others are on the breadlines.

If you had written a post about your own personal situation and concerns and saying you felt conflicted because you'd like another but it didn't feel like a good or responsibly choice at the moment then you'd have got lots of sympathetic and actually useful to you perspectives.

But you didn't, you told anyone pregnancy or currently TTC that they're insane. How could they not have taken that personally?

TheMarshGirl · 13/08/2020 22:45

[quote Wavescrashingonthebeach]@TheMarshGirl

😂😂😂

Perhaps she is trying to infiltrate Mumsnet. There's plenty of childless by choice people on here who dont preach at people for TTC.

Its like me going into the butchers and preaching veganism 😂[/quote]
Exactly! I mean WTAF?

I have also had amazing chats with childfree by choice people on here who do not act like silly cunts about it. But peppering every thread you're on, on a parenting website with "childfree by choice me, childfree by choice, by choice, childfree" is bizarre tbh.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 13/08/2020 22:45

I think there are so many variables that it's not straight forward. There are those who got pregnant before the pandemic started and then have maybe been hit financially through no fault of their own, there are those that knowingly got pregnant in a pandemic (like me) because I'm 37 and want another and both husband and I have secure jobs. I think if someone started trying for a baby now when their financial situation wasn't secure that would probably be a bit foolish but then the desire for a family can be very strong and we could be living with CV for years. Some couples would lose their chance of being parents which would be devastating. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to be honest.

Hardbackwriter · 13/08/2020 22:48

@PurpleDaisies

You say you would love another.

Try and remember what it’s like for those of us still trying to have one.

Absolutely this. As I said upthread we paused TTC briefly, and I wasn't sure at the time for how long we'd do so. I remember thinking at the time how lucky it was that it was now, when we were thinking about no. 2, that we had to make that choice. If this had been the summer of 2017 instead, when I'd just had my third miscarriage and was suffering from anxiety and depression centred on my fear I'd never have a child, I don't think there would have been any possibility of us stopping.