What has parenthood taught you?

[RedSky100]

Having children has often felt the me like I’m holding a mirror up to myself, where i’m reflected in all my ugliness & glory. What have you learnt since having kids & do you feel better for it or are you still in the process of learning/change?

@SunshineCake I was about to say the same thing!

@Luckystar1

Are you me 🤣🤣

I need time by myself every day, preferably in daylight, to feel human. This is not possible with a baby, and tricky with a toddler.

I didn't realise how much your head is filled with them.

That watching your child grow up mentally strong and healthy (when your own childhood involved abuse) is the greatest joy in the world.

The power of unconditional love (had never experienced it before having DS due to aforementioned abuse).

That I was absolutely born to do this and that these years with my DS being young will be the best of my life.

That having one DC is perfect, all the joy of parenting with a lot less of the work :)

Responsibilities and respect in equal measure!

@SunshineCake

I’ve learnt that the maternal bond is the strongest bond that exists.

For some people. Not for my mother.

I totally understand this. I’ve struggled some exercise my son was born to wonder how my mother doesn’t love me. I’d move heaven and earth for my DS but she wouldn’t put herself out for me. I’ve found it tough feeling the maternal love and knowing it’s never been directed my way. Sending hugs to you. X

That my daughter who is for the most part absolutely lovely, also has my short temper, shouts a lot, is a bit vain and can be unkind. All of my bad traits and it’s no ones fault but mine. It really is like looking in the mirror.

She very much does as I do, not as I say.

Thanks *@Onekidnoclue. It's all about how shit and incapable they are, not our failings.

That children keep you moving Forward , and are a reason to stay alive ,stay healthy , handle and address MH issues , keep moving forward and to address the tricky issues
They didn’t ask to be born !

Never to be in a hurry - because that’s when things go wrong.

Ain’t that the truth NC !

That 'good enough' is good enough. We're all just trying our best within our own circumstances.

That it maybe wasn't for me 🙁. I feel sorry for my DDs and would never be without them but my mental health has certainly suffered. I fear that DD1 will suffer with her MH too which I feel guilty about.

@thepeopleversuswork

I never really understood how much women were disadvantaged in society or grasped how important feminism was until I had a child.

The exploitation doesn't usually start until you're at your most vulnerable (physically, financially, emotionally). Once you have a child, and unless you are financially independent, you're basically at the mercy of patriarchy. And if your partner isn't supportive you're in deep shit.

^This. Sentence 1.

Also, even if you've thought you have the qualities and potential to be able to have it all or do it all, it's a fallacy with smallish children.

And perhaps not the same for everyone, but personally: full time work with a top primary kid (even part time hours, actually) is harder than maternity leave with just you and 1 baby that still sleeps in the day.

Things I thought I learned after baby 1 - I love being a Mam, I can go above and beyond if it’s the right thing for her, I have unending patience. I want to be a perfect parent.

Things I learned after baby 2 and PND - parenting is often relentless unenjoyable and unforgiving. You feel lonely even though you’re attached to two other people every hour of the day. You can feel like you’re going to lose your mind on a daily basis. You’ll love them but you won’t always like them. Lowering your expectations is necessary. You’ll sometimes feel completely trapped and overwhelmed. Your friends with no children unfortunately have next to no comprehension of what your life is like. You feel like you’ve lost all sense of who you are outside of being a mother.

Holding them in your arms makes it worth it.

That I really struggle with people who I just don't understand (ds1), am often irritated when others display traits I definitely have myself (ds2) and will allow myself to be manipulated if I am impressed by the child's attempts to do so (ds3).

That I took sleep for granted

That raising children isn't valued and women are still expected to take on the lion's share.

Parenthood has taught me to be very honest with my girls about the realities. And often the inequalities (in terms of mental load, careers, division of labour, etc).
And pray that they don't give me too many grandchildren!

That it is the hardest job I've ever had and yet gets less respect than the lowest paid more pointless job I've ever had.

you just have to read the stick on here that sahp get

That it goes on for a really long time !

That I'm stronger than I thought I was.
That it doesn't have to be perfect to be more than ok.
That being a parent sometimes means something different than being a liked.
That my children need my choices made for them and not because someone else has an opinion.

Acceptance is a huge part of life. Everything in life is temporary.
I can't control another human being. Everyone is different and deserves to be accepted for who they are.
There is often a reason for 'bad' behaviour and understanding is more important than trying to 'get over it'.
Someone is always judging you.
I am the most important person in someone else's world and that is simultaneously terrifying and amazing.
Sexism is alive and well, feminism is massively important and I think most women are amazing and strong.
Parenting is shades of grey.

That I was right about what I am (impatient, bookish, routine-driven) and what I need (sleep, alone time, a stimulating job) and what I like (people who talk, not babies). But that I don’t need to become someone else to be an ok parent.

I’ve taken to telling myself I’m just a natural dad instead of mum 😂. It’s all more socially acceptable for them.