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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What has parenthood taught you?

127 replies

RedSky100 · 13/08/2020 19:50

Having children has often felt the me like I’m holding a mirror up to myself, where i’m reflected in all my ugliness & glory. What have you learnt since having kids & do you feel better for it or are you still in the process of learning/change?

OP posts:
CommonCarder · 15/08/2020 18:01

The hard things are the worthwhile things in life.

Children will ultimately go their own way and will not be what you expect. There is an awful lot of personality that is innate. It is like cultivating a random plant which can surprise you when it matures.

dasherr · 15/08/2020 18:23

That you are still you, if you love spending time alone pottering or watching TV you will probably still crave this once you have children, only you won't be able to do it as much. It's not a reflection on your abilities s a parent to still enjoy the things you enjoyed before. I crave free time from DC, it's not about them but it's what I enjoyed before they came along.

As a pp said, compassion. I think I was compassionate before in that I felt healthy levels of empathy but now everything involving children hits me straight in the guts. I try to donate to my local baby bank because the thought of any baby going without upsets me. I watched a holocaust documentary and was nearly sick seeing the women and their babies arriving at Auschwitz. I studied history so it's not something I've not seen before but this time I saw my baby in their babies.

That it's impossible to understand until you are a parent. People who do not have children often think this is a bit of a twatty thing to say, as though they can't imagine and empathise but it really is something you have to experience to understand.

That a lot of my pre DC opinions about children and parents were utter bullshit. Quite frankly I don't know how some of my friends with children listened to me.

That the person who has cut me up in the car might have a screaming child on board (I've been that person) so give them a break.

That one day I'll be an old lady whose children have grown up and built their own lives, that I'll likely be alone and I'll look back on this and do anything to cuddle their pudgy little bodies again.

netstaller · 15/08/2020 21:42

It's made me a better person. It's taught me patience, and a depth of love and selflessness I didn't know I was capable of. It's also shown me I can be a bit of a pushover if they say please repeatedly!

OpenDoor008 · 16/08/2020 13:26

@CommonCarder

Agree on both accounts. Like the random plant analogy - so very true.

CommonCarder · 16/08/2020 13:39

Thank you, I liked it.

I have probably heard elsewhere but don't remember so I'll take the credit!

bronzedgodesswannabe · 16/08/2020 13:46

It's totally life buggering.

This x100

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 16/08/2020 13:53

That some things, like school, don’t work for all kids. Sometimes it’s better to swim against the tide,

OnePotato2Potato · 16/08/2020 15:49

I find parenting tough and overwhelming a lot of the time.
My parents were emotionally absent and I feel like I have had to learn empathy. I’ve parented very differently to my own parents, I’ve been loving and affectionate but have found it difficult to set boundaries. The result being bratty kids 🙈

I have very little patience. I shout too much. Both things I’m working on and have improved on but it is bloody difficult.

I should have had them when I was older and wiser!

CommonCarder · 16/08/2020 15:50

And I always say I should have started younger!

SleepingStandingUp · 16/08/2020 15:52

My husband says it's taught him to alleviate sleep. Then yawned

It's taught me that I'm less patient than I thought I was.

Lelophants · 16/08/2020 15:57

Despite being absolutely relentless I don't actually mind and if it was anything else I'd feel trapped thank god

A woman's body is absolutely incredible.

Despite a crazy labour and exhausting newborn stage, I became broody for another once my son was 2 months old Hmm thankfully logic and my much less ready dhis making me wait.

You can feel many emotions at once.

Babies can actually be... boring. Somehow.

LynetteScavo · 16/08/2020 16:09

That anyone under the age of 18 doesn't give a duck about your soft furnishings. They will piss in your bed, wipe snot on your cushions, vomit on your rug, swing from your curtains and wear muddy shoes on your new carpet with gay abandon.

LynetteScavo · 16/08/2020 16:11

When you're a parent an afternoon can last an eternity, but if you blink and you have teenagers instead of toddlersConfused

RaeCJ82 · 16/08/2020 16:22

That I should have remained childfree...😕

ScabbyHorse · 16/08/2020 16:23

That parenthood is hard.

Roomba · 16/08/2020 16:29

That whilst parenthood can be challenging at times, children are not the horrific, life ruining monsters my mother always told me they were. I've loved being a parent and I grew up being told don't have kids, it will ruin your life, they're all selfish, exhausting nightmares. I now realise this says far more about my mother than children!

SecretSpAD · 16/08/2020 16:30

I inherited mine when they were teenager/pre-teen and I've learned that before they came - I wasn't the selfish, self-absorbed, immature, irresponsible person that society told me I was for not having kids.

Roomba · 16/08/2020 16:30

I've also learned that I'm not a lifelong insomniac - I can now sleep anywhere, anytime, as soon as I get the opportunity I'm not wasting it Grin

Mama1980 · 16/08/2020 17:54

That motherhood is something I can do....I thought it would be impossibly hard and I'd be awful at it having never wanted children, it's not and I love it.
That NICU is hell on Earth (my two birth sons were born at 26 and 24 weeks) but that after that, the sleep deprivation etc seems easy.

I've also learned I am not and never will be a natural housekeeper, everything is clean....tidy not so much.

RaeCJ82 · 16/08/2020 18:05

Actually, no, I'll change my answer. It's made me realise that I should have been a bit more discerning about who I had a child with....

SunshineCake · 16/08/2020 18:09

I have three children who are all teenagers now.

Being a parent has taught me how crap my parents were, how utterly utterly useless and unfathomable they were and are.

How people make choices and there is no excuse for making shifty and bad ones.

What love is. I was never loved and now I have three amazing creatures who I love more than anything and anyone and who I will never turn my back on.

That I am actually pretty amazing.

BertieBotts · 16/08/2020 18:34

Actually something I've learned thanks to parenthood - confidence is 99% of anything. If you look/sound/act confident people will very often take you seriously, assume you know what you're doing and often do what you say. It works on children, but it also works in plenty of situations with adults. A bit of a revelation for me as I have a tendency to self doubt!

OpenDoor008 · 16/08/2020 20:08

I’ve learnt that the maternal bond is the strongest bond that exists. It supersedes any other love I have - for my DH, for myself, for life itself. It’s quite scary, how powerful that bond is, having grown a little person inside you, seen and heard their heart beating, bringing them in safely & then living every little second with them for the next however many years, watching them develop in front of your eyes.

I learnt through this process how resilient women are. A mamma is literally the strongest force there is. She will pull on through when everything else gives up or gives in. She’ll fight until the bitter end. The last person on Earth will be a mum.

Women are awesome

SunshineCake · 16/08/2020 21:24

I’ve learnt that the maternal bond is the strongest bond that exists.

For some people. Not for my mother.

Gillian1980 · 16/08/2020 21:27

I’ve learnt that I’m far, far less patient than I thought. I also need sleep far more than I realised. There is a definite correlation between lack of sleep and lack of patience!

I’ve learned that I can love more strongly than I ever thought possible.

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