To think very few women would marry their deceased sister’s widower?

[Albless]

My friend was always aware that his grandfather had been married twice, and that the first wife died. His grandmother was the second wife, and his DF was the only child of that second marriage. There were some children from the first marriage.

Some family history research has revealed that his grandfather’s first and second wives were sisters. Two years after the first wife died, the widower married his sister-in-law. The law allowing this to happen was only passed in 1907, about 20 years earlier.

My friend is not particularly interested in family history. But I was really taken aback when he said marrying a dead wife’s sister is probably more common now than it used to be!

I completely disagree - I think very few women would have any interest at all in marrying their brother-in-law if their sister died.

He thinks I’m wrong. I said I’d put it to MN.

AIBU?

Checked - yes it was illegal to marry deceased wife’s sister until 1907, and deceased brother’s widow until 1921 in U.K.

I think it's happened several times in my family (in the UK). Most recently, my grandad married his deceased wife's sister (who was a widow). They were really happy. No-one in the family thought it was weird. (We did want a term for someone who is simultaneously a grandma and a great aunt though.)

I've got this twice in my family tree. The one man's wife died. 7 months later, he married her sister. 2 months after the wedding, their baby was born!

Sisters are likely to be similar to each other in some quite significant ways, so I can see why a widower would find himself bewitched by his dead wife's sister.

Likewise, as the women are alike why would they not find the same sort of men attractive and good mates?

I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often, and with a widow marrying her dead husband's brother, too.

Similar law in Hinduism but it was usually because the dowry and the woman would legally have to be returned to her maternal family otherwise and many families couldn’t afford that. We also had traditions whereby women in matriarchial societies would marry a group of brothers.

Polyandry - not as common as polygamy but well recognised practice in some cultures.

It was common in some cultures.

Our neighbours are living like that. Not sure if he married the sister or cohabiting. I still find it a bit difficult to be honest. It was very soon afterwards.

Happened with henry 8th didn't it. His older brother died so he married his former sister in law. Pretty sure there had to be some clause saying that the marriage hadn't been consummated but not actually sure

This happened in my family too.

Gt grandfather married 1st woman, and had two children. She then died.

GGF married her sister, no children. She then died.

GGF then married their niece(!) had four more children.

To complicate matters further the 'niece' was both my grandad's (step) mother in law AND (half) aunty. 😂

Less common now, wider circles, more choice,,, but if my DH popped his clogs I'd defo shag the younger brother. Just saying...

Well if I died I would really want my husband to marry someone who loves me , and will treat my kids as their own.

I don’t have any sisters so it will have to be a best friend of some sort.

Actually I have an aunt who was attacked by a knife and almost died. When she thought she was dying she begged her husband to marry her cousin who she was very close to because she could trust her with her kids more than a stranger..

He found the concept icky. But she confided in me and told me if something happens to her to try match make him with the cousin.

Actually? I found that to be selfless last act of true motherhood.. which I don’t know if I can ever do myself

I've just read this whole thread waiting for someone to know the same couple I do. He's going out with his dead wife's sister. I often see photos of all the children together. It feels very strange to me but not my business. I do actually think the sister will be turning in her grave though.

@Italiangreyhound

"he said marrying a dead wife’s sister is probably more common now than it used to be! hmm

I completely disagree - I think very few women would have any interest at all in marrying their brother-in-law if their sister died."

you are comparing two different things. A woman marrying her dead sister's widower, yes, I'd agree very unusual indeed. A man marrying his dead brother's widow, less unusual.

It's a cultural thing, a religious thing, and also maybe viewing wives and children as needing to be cared for/held within a family, which I don't think translates to males. But there may well be a case of friends of women who die marring their widowers.

I’ve had to read my original post a couple of time to check, but no, I’m not comparing two different things. The same situation, from my friend’s male perspective, and from my female perspective.

"I’ve had to read my original post a couple of time to check, but no, I’m not comparing two different things. The same situation, from my friend’s male perspective, and from my female perspective."

My apologies, you are totally right! I am very sorry I misread that.

I saw some of this in my family tree. But we don't live in little villages with 20 people in them anymore, where everyone is your cousin.

My BiL is a lovely man, my DSis is a lucky woman. I wouldn't marry him though (not the least because I'm already married), we're just too different.

I'm sure it was common back in the day. Widows needed a source of financial support and widowers needed someone to care for the children. I think our ancestors were pretty practical when it came to marriage and family.

In Ireland it only became legal to marry your BIL if he was not dead in 2006. A famous case where a women wanted to marry her divorced BIL went to the Supreme Court because she was not permitted to marry him.

The reason for the law was to stop brothers stealing each other's wives but as you couldn't actually divorce the only way to steal the wife was for the brother to be dead. The law couldn't recognise that your brother's wife might be available for marriage and your brother still alive.
The Supreme Court said it was ok to steal your brother's wife when he was still alive

The UK laws that stopped you marrying you dead brother's wife were meant to stop you killing him to get his wife. You were not rewarded with the wife if you killed him

Aparantly is was a thing.

I don't think it's an issue to marry, or live with a deceased Sisters Husband /partner... I am not looking to do so though,, but my Sister died just over two weeks ago, and I know her partner quite well, he is a lovely man. I have been divorced for about 30 years now, and do not require another man in my life, but if I did, my late Sisters partner would be a good suit for me ha ha.

Sorry for your loss. You can still be a comfort to each other though.

I know of a woman whose husband was killed in a car crash, then later went on to marry her late husband's brother.
Maybe 25 years ago the accident happened, but sadly this couple have recently separated. No children together either.
But maybe a comfort to both parties at a time of huge grief.

I agree with PP that this was not uncommon in older generations. According to my grandma, when my great-great grandmother died one of her unwed sisters moved in to help with the children. She didn't marry the widower, but several more children were born!

@MellieNelba

My grandfather married a widow who had a daughter. They had 2 children but she died. He then married his step daughter and had 8 children with her. My aunt and uncle did not know until they were adults that their mother was in fact their step sister.

Now that is akin to incest. That’s Woody Allen level stuff. Bleah.

Definitely wouldn't want to marry any of my DSIS DPs 🤮