To think very few women would marry their deceased sister’s widower?

[Albless]

My friend was always aware that his grandfather had been married twice, and that the first wife died. His grandmother was the second wife, and his DF was the only child of that second marriage. There were some children from the first marriage.

Some family history research has revealed that his grandfather’s first and second wives were sisters. Two years after the first wife died, the widower married his sister-in-law. The law allowing this to happen was only passed in 1907, about 20 years earlier.

My friend is not particularly interested in family history. But I was really taken aback when he said marrying a dead wife’s sister is probably more common now than it used to be!

I completely disagree - I think very few women would have any interest at all in marrying their brother-in-law if their sister died.

He thinks I’m wrong. I said I’d put it to MN.

AIBU?

"But can a man marry his widow’s sister?"

Hardly.

I think it would've been more common in the past, when there were fewer people to choose from in smaller communities.

Would I do that today? No way on earth. It doesn't help that my BIL gets on my nerves, but mainly, it just feels gross.

There was also two cases in families I researched where a man was widowed then years later married his spinster sister-in-law and they then seemingly had a child just right about the time his teenage daughter, her niece, went off for a new life in America or Australia. Both times it became obviously very quickly that the daughter had got herself in trouble and her Dad and Aunt married so the Aunt could bring up the baby for her.

In my town, a man married the sister of his wife who had been murdered. No one turned a hair. This was in the early 1990s.

@CrackedHeels2

In what way did it tear the family apart?

I wouldn’t do it personally

Someone I work with, their dad did this. Married his mum's sister after her death, his auntie.

Apparently they had the wedding and reception at the same church and venue where his mum's funeral and wake were held.

He didnt say a great deal about it, but said it was "weird" and clearly uncomfortable about it all.

Happens in Hamlet too, but I think it is supposed to be scandalous to an Elizabethan audience.

[quote ZigZagPlant]@CrackedHeels2

In what way did it tear the family apart?[/quote]
Aunt divorced her husband to marry my dad which upset friends and family.

Other family members felt it was too soon after mum died.

Some people thought "she was just after his money".

Hard to blend the children involved - 4 all late teens.

A nightmare all round!

Marrying his dead brother's widow offered an out for Henry VIII.

This happened to my friend who is in her late 20s. Her mum died, so her dad married her mum's sister. Her cousins are her step-siblings. She still calls her step-mum Aunty X... but tries not to mention it to people who aren't close friends as everyone comments on how weird it is.

The other way round is a traditionally Jewish thing to do. I.e. if a woman's husband dies without having children, his brother is supposed to offer to marry her.

But YABU to think it's weird when they are obviously going to have plenty in common and know each other already, so it's not that surprising if they make good partners sometimes.

I can easily see how it could happen you would have a shared grief and know each other so you would already have a bond and maybe friendship to build on. It's a bit odd but also kind of nice!

I think times were different back then, possibly people made matches for social or financial security, or respectability, or companionship, and there was little "living together" option like today, rather than (just) passion or romance.

My mum married her husbands brother. My uncle became my step dad. My cousins my step brothers and sisters. This was in the 70s. Very confusing as my dad was still alive too. Caused a few family issues I can say.

Have you lot seen Legends of the Fall? One woman ended up getting with three brothers!

It used to be very common.

Actor George Sanders married sisters Magda and Zsa Zsa Gabor, neither had died at that point.

I think a lot of the time it wasn't a warm, happy thing that happened, a lot of the women would have had very little choice. There was an expectation that they would look after their sister's children. They often couldn't live in the same house as a man without being wed so had too.

My Gr-Granny was treated appallingly bad. She was told she was "ugly and frumpy" so was basically told to be grateful when she was sent to live with her brother-in-law. She was 18 and had an instant family of 3 children, all of whom desperately missed their mother.

He then "drunkenly got her pregnant" three times - which to me now sounds very much like rape. Turned her into a fallen woman and only married her when his 16-year-old daughter got pregnant so that they could easily register the illigitimate child as theirs so save the stigma for his daughter and grandchild.

My lovely next door neighbour died and he first of all had a relationship with her best friend which started 2 months after his dw death. He ended that relationship and then married her sister. This happened in 2015

I love how OP has specifically asked if this would be something people might do nowadays and got three pages of responses saying “It used to be very common”. That was not the question!

I would say that nowadays women are less likely to feel obliged to take on their dead sister’s kids, and men less likely to feel they need a second wife because they can’t live alone. However if the two did love one another (and falling in love v possible due to being united in grief) then society would not frown upon it. It might be talked about, but not necessarily in a disapproving way. However I am sure it is not more common now than it was in the past so your friend is talking nonsense OP.

It has been (in some cases may still be?) a tradition in various cultures.

I think Henry the 8ths first wife was his brothers widow.

Otherwise Henry VII would have had to repay Eleanor's massive dowry to her Father and he didn't want to or couldn't.

In that authority on all things rural, The Archers, Emma Carter has been married to both Will Grundy and to his younger brother Ed Grundy and has children with both, with both men still alive and living in the same village - surely all the more odd and awkward?

Your bil is someone you know very well, and who has been tested in a sense, which are big advantages.

Way back in my family tree, a man married and had 2 children, that wife then died in the workhouse and he then married her sister and had 4 more children. It is too far back for me to discover anything more.
My grandfather’s parents had children that died during or just after birth, each subsequent child was named the same as the baby that had died before them. They also had a set of twins, one died at birth, and my great grandfather registered the living twin late (apparently they waited to see if she lived), because it was past the deadline for registering her, he just changed the date she was born, she never actually knew what her real birthdate was.