To think very few women would marry their deceased sister’s widower?

[Albless]

My friend was always aware that his grandfather had been married twice, and that the first wife died. His grandmother was the second wife, and his DF was the only child of that second marriage. There were some children from the first marriage.

Some family history research has revealed that his grandfather’s first and second wives were sisters. Two years after the first wife died, the widower married his sister-in-law. The law allowing this to happen was only passed in 1907, about 20 years earlier.

My friend is not particularly interested in family history. But I was really taken aback when he said marrying a dead wife’s sister is probably more common now than it used to be!

I completely disagree - I think very few women would have any interest at all in marrying their brother-in-law if their sister died.

He thinks I’m wrong. I said I’d put it to MN.

AIBU?

I know someone who married her sisters husband after her sister died. It was fairly recent compared with the other examples given here. They were married in 1998.

My grandfather’s mother died when he was only two and his father remarried several years later, to his late wife’s sister.

My grandmother's eldest sister died and her widower married the next sister down. I don't think it was uncommon then (1930s). There was one son, not sure which marriage he was from.

I went to a wedding a few years ago where the groom had divorced his wife and the wedding was to her (widowed) sister.

The ex-wife was still alive. She was not at the wedding but the kids were, plus the kids from the bride's marriage - so first cousins becoming step siblings.

If my DH died, I could not and would not want to marry his brother. I definitely got the better brother and the thought of marrying his brother makes me feel weird and icky. It’s not that his brother is less attractive or anything but he’s not my favourite person.

In the 16th century there was no such thing as in-laws. Your brother's wife became your sister.
When the future king Henry VIII's brother died, leaving his widow, Catherine, Prince Henry needed permission from the Pope to wed her. So, in the common belief of the time, he married his sister!

I would disagree with your friend; in the time of his grandfather's youth I think that it would have been more common for folk to marry non-blood relations. as the 'pot' of available partners would have been far fewer than they are now, what with domestic mobility, OLD etc.

I can imagine that grief would pull two people together and while I’ve never really thought about it I suppose I would want two of the most important people to me to be happy and have that comfort (unlikely though as they are mismatched).

Definitely not more common now. Even in the olden days I still think it's a bit weird. Either the widower had a thing for the sister all along or he feels he has to marry someone who will love his kids and who better than their aunt.

I think it was probably a lot more common in days gone by. Traditional and religious practices etc.

DH swears that he knows a woman (through work) who is married to her dead husband’s twin.

The initial response is that it’s a bit weird but actually when I think about it for me it makes a lot of sense: they get on really well, stops two people I love being lonely and they understand the other’s loss. most importantly they both love our children so no new partner to be introduced to them (with all that might bring) but husband has support raising them which would benefit both him and the children. I might put this in my will actually 😆

there was something like that in my mum's family - as pp has said it was more common a while ago - I think it was probably around 1920s-30s.

My mum married twice - same date each time. I recall when I was about twelve she wanted to celebrate her silver wedding anniversary (of the marriage to first husband )

I wouldn't say it is more common now, but I do know of an instance in my in-laws family which must have been around the 1970's.

I don't think it is very common nowadays and would be seen as more of a taboo, stepping into your dead sibling's shoes and all that. It used to be very common in indian and pakistani cultures and I know of close family friends where this happened recently. The wife died of cancer at 37 leaving three young kids and she asked her husband to marry her recently divorced sister. For her it was a win win in that her sister would get a better life in the UK and that her kids would be well taken care of and loved. The kid's auntie/stepmom is very loving with them and treats them as they are her own, her relationship with her husband is more challenging though.

I find it slightly sickening. Really almost like incest.

I know someone-related to me by my fathers second marriage- where the man's gorgeous wife died of cancer. he then married HER IDENTICAL TWIN and then when she died of cancer he married their best friend.
Hand on heart 100% true.
All the various DC-cousins/step siblings etc and the wider world just took it all in their stride and it was fine!!!!!!

It's Biblical, inn'it! I imagine it's not that common these days - fewer marriages in the first place, smaller families anyway in the second place, so unlikely to be a brother ready and willing to marry his sister-in-law!

My friend’s parents did this. He used to be married to his mother’s sister, and he has a relative who is half cousin, half sister (if that makes sense.) British family, doesn’t seem to bother any of them. Happy family.

I don't think it would be socially acceptable now at all. I can't even imagine if my sister in law died, and my brother rocked up with her little almost identical sister. Too weird and uncomfortable.

It was only illegal in England between 1835 and 1907. It used to be quite common, and I have come across it twice (in Western society) and a few times in India and Africa.

Queen Mary, George V's wife, was engaged to his brother who died. She was then passed to his younger brother.

It WAS common a long time ago. It's looked upon differently now.
IIRC, Henry VIII's first wife was his brother Arthurs widow.

I have a friend who is from Iran. She was raised by her father and her auntie who had married him when her mother died, she told me this was not considered unusual in Iran and seemed to be mainly about the children.

@Friendsoftheearth

I find it slightly sickening. Really almost like incest.

Genuinely why? They are not related, and are consenting adults.

I was going to say Henry VIII did it. I think it was A Thing.

Someone in my family tree married his dead wife's sister back in the 19th century. Like others, I assume this was partly to help look after the children from the first marriage.

I have also known it happen much more recently (1980s ish). A friend's mother died relatively young (in her 50s) and her widowed husband then married her sister.