To think single mums are viewed as having no financial independence

[KatherineofTarragon]

Inspired by a thread i have posted on.

I guess people still see single mums in society as younger and with younger children and at a financial disadvantage?

I am a single mum to what are now older grown DC's , have been for years. Because i have worked full time and own my lovely home people have frequently been "surprised" to learn i am on my own. It has got on my nerves over the years that people think i should somehow be different/poorer as a single mum. I think this is because people in general have pre conceived ideas about what being a single mum is.

I do not fit into their narrative. I have more financial freedoms than them and a large house i pay for. People generally do not expect single mums to have this so there is a societal connotation to being a single mum.

Are people willing now to accept that a woman can be a single parent, work full time and maintain her own home?

[quote KatherineofTarragon]@MyPersona he was prob 3.5yrs. I instigated divorce when he was 2. I was working dull rime, divorcing , muming and buying a new house .

Cut me a few months!! I am only human! ! [/quote]
I’m more interested in how you got pregnant 3 years before you met the father of the child. That seems like a far more impressive feat than living on your own income and yet you are strangely reluctant to address it.

Yeah the savings thing truly sucks in terms of UC. You used to be able to build up a fair old wodge on tax credits which is what I did. I do feel for anyone in that situation now.

It doesn't even make sense policy wise because having everyone rent in perpetuity due to not being able to save a deposit just means more public funds going to landlords at market rate once those people hit retirement age which is going to cost everyone a fortune. Quite aside from the fact that it's shit for the tenants themselves. It's just stupid.

I think it's quite rare. I don't know any single mums who aren't reliant on maintenance.
I don't know how I would be able to afford to be single without any childcare. Maybe as my dc get older but not easily whilst they're young. I'm not sure what you get if you're on benefits though.

I do think it's right single parents get more support from various sources as a result in society believing they need it. Not convinced it's a simple task of sure everyone can do it. It also depends on the mental impact a divorce or split has had on someone. I know my mum was a shadow of herself in marriage. It took an eternal toll on her and her mental health was finished after being dragged down by my dad.

Good on you though managing solo. Shows some people do manage to do it but I think the stereotype is actually based on factual reality on how hard it can be.

I'm a single mum with a decent income in a professional job but I rent a HA property, had loads of family support when the DC were in school & have received state support in the past - where do I fit in & do I get a proper medal or just a wee badge?

Most women by the time they become single mums have already given up their careers to save on childcare costs or work to fit around the DC in low paid jobs so are at a disadvantage straight away & have to claim some form of benefit, it's then very difficult to get out of the cycle & the current benefits system isn't designed to help anyone let alone single mums get out of the trap once they're in it. I know I couldn't have without the support (practical & financial) of my parents & my ex-in-laws just be grateful you've never been in that situation.

Gosh I wish I was like you @KatherineofTarragon you sound like you have it all planned out.

I’m very envious x

I couldn't agree more. I actually live very frugally and am very good at saving but I do wonder what the point is when at 6k my benefits will be reduced and at 12k stopped completely.

Whilst I agree that 6k is hardly pocket change, you can't buy a decent car for that money, let alone a house or nursing care when you're elderly.

I think it’s because being a single mum isn’t desirable. Nobody wants to end up a single mum; it’s not a path anyone chooses

FFS. Seriously?

OP - you haven’t answered my question? If I own my own home, work full time, have no financial support from my ex and no family support, in what way am I not independent? Why does Claiming child benefit, DLA for one of my children and tax credits mean I am not independent?

FFS. Seriously?

Enoughnowstop Yep, seriously. Divorced/separated parents aren’t good for the child. Being a single parent is not a healthy way to bring a child up and nobody wants a broken home for their child either.

It’s not a path anyone chooses, but rather a path people end up on through their circumstances. It’s certainly not enviable.

@hellofrom i haven't. I am just blaggin my way!

@heartsonacake

FFS. Seriously?

Enoughnowstop Yep, seriously. Divorced/separated parents aren’t good for the child. Being a single parent is not a healthy way to bring a child up and nobody wants a broken home for their child either.

It’s not a path anyone chooses, but rather a path people end up on through their circumstances. It’s certainly not enviable.

Divorced parents are better for a child than parents who argue all the time and clearly hate each other.

My home isn't broken! It's much happier than it was when useless ex was in it!

@Enoughnowstop eh? I didn't say that. Calm down tiger!

My point is i am a single mum, people look down on me, they don't need to and they need to stop it. I am just fine. I was making the point that am better off than some of my married 2.4 friends.

I don't need their patronising shiz, i am fine as i am as are my DC's.

Divorced/separated parents aren’t good for the child. Being a single parent is not a healthy way to bring a child up and nobody wants a broken home for their child either

Wow. What a load of bigoted clap trap. I am not good for my children by virtue of being a single parent? I am not bringing my children up in a healthy way (what the fuck does that even mean) because I am a single parent?

I would rather a broken home and a strong, single parent who works hard and provides than a beaten and broken parent who teaches children it’s OK to have someone walk all over you (figuratively and literally).

What vile views you hold. Sadly, you’re not alone although I am grateful women like you steer your precious child away from mine because you think single parent is catching.

But it’s OK to patronise all the other single parents out there? Many of whom don’t have the good fortune of a large salary and who are working desperately hard to provide for their children?

Being a single parent is not a healthy way to bring a child up and nobody wants a broken home for their child either

You what isn't healthy? A mother staying in an abusive relationship and the children bear the brunt of the emotional/abusive fallout. I would've given anything, ANYTHING, for my mum to have wanted to be a single parent. It would've been infinitely healthier for all of us, instead she stayed with my abusive father and I had an utterly, utterly horrible, lonely shit childhood. Not every child "needs" two cohabiting parents. Believe it when I say single parenthood is often by far the healthiest option for all concerned.

*you know what isn't healthy

I don't need their patronising shiz, i am fine as i am as are my DC's

You don’t think ‘calm down tiger’ is patronising then? Or is it OK if you’re doing it to other single parents who might have found things a bit harder than you?

@KatherineofTarragon - well done for starting this thread. I too am a single mum - I’m a higher earner and provide well for myself and dds unlike feckless ex. Yet I get constant comments from school mums asking “if I’m just renting” etc. There is nothing wrong with claiming benefits or renting as a single mum of course. But there is something wrong with assuming that women cannot have good jobs or provide for themselves or their children. Single mums are not all downtrodden and impoverished.

As for the eejit who said being a single mum is “undesirable” - yeah right. I’m a good parent to my dds and so is their dad. I think our lives are just what they are and there are both advantages and disadvantages to being a single parent.

@Enoughnowstop - I also get people trying to steer their children away from dd and there are invites we don’t get because I’m a single mum. It’s a bit daft - some people are just ridiculous

[quote KatherineofTarragon]@Enoughnowstop eh? I didn't say that. Calm down tiger!

My point is i am a single mum, people look down on me, they don't need to and they need to stop it. I am just fine. I was making the point that am better off than some of my married 2.4 friends.

I don't need their patronising shiz, i am fine as i am as are my DC's. [/quote]
Hmm, the 2.4 comment snacks of latent jealousy to me.

FFS at all of this broken homes stuff. At least we're providing a fucking home for our children. Maybe reserve your judgement for the parents whose sole input is 15% of salary and a weekend trip. Because if you think that is sufficient to raise a child from infancy to adulthood you are mistaken. But actually according to how our society is structured that's fine as long as you have a penis. In fact according to some it makes you a hero.

Smug much?

I don’t think OP wants to be put in the single mum box, I think She wants a new box created just for her. She can then say she created that by herself and add it to her other list of achievements as a unique super single mum.

"@MyPersona I’m more interested in how you got pregnant 3 years before you met the father of the child. That seems like a far more impressive feat than living on your own income and yet you are strangely reluctant to address it."

You are seriously getting on my nerves now. What part of what i have said are you not getting? No one else has this issue!

Put your glass down and i will confirm my life story for you again dear one final time:

I bought a flat in 1994
I sold flat in 1998
I got married in 1998 and bought a house using the equity from the flat i bought i bought in 94.
I had a child in 2000
Realised in 2002 DH was a see u next Tuesday so instigated divorce proceedings
2003 - i was earning a shit load of money so bought myself a new home
Late 2003- sold marital home and had to give ex DH 50% because he was a lazy fucker- took 50 % because we married and i did not get back any of what what i put in i lost about about £65k )
2003- met new boyfriend while living in the new house i had already bought.
2006- had child with new partner( my second child))!
2006 - sold my property and put £120k ( equity) towards purchase of new family home. Partner had £50k to put down.
2008- realises partner not for me and left
2008- sold family home and took my money £120k out plus 50% of accrued equity.
2008 - bought new family home
2008 - present day: lived happily ever after.

Clear now*@MyPersona*

@Ginger1982 😂😂😂

what did you earn then @KatherineofTarragon

@GetYourGoatYouHavePulled

Missed the point of my thread much?

Loving my box btw!