To think single mums are viewed as having no financial independence

[KatherineofTarragon]

Inspired by a thread i have posted on.

I guess people still see single mums in society as younger and with younger children and at a financial disadvantage?

I am a single mum to what are now older grown DC's , have been for years. Because i have worked full time and own my lovely home people have frequently been "surprised" to learn i am on my own. It has got on my nerves over the years that people think i should somehow be different/poorer as a single mum. I think this is because people in general have pre conceived ideas about what being a single mum is.

I do not fit into their narrative. I have more financial freedoms than them and a large house i pay for. People generally do not expect single mums to have this so there is a societal connotation to being a single mum.

Are people willing now to accept that a woman can be a single parent, work full time and maintain her own home?

This just screams of a stealth boast. I couldn't give a shit how many houses you owned at 29.

Some single parents are wealthy and others aren't. Very many married couples with kids and two incomes are just getting by.

Raising children is expensive and so people are surprised when they see a single income household with money to spare.

As a single mother who works part time and has to claim benefits to keep my child fed, clothed, and housed this thread has made me feel like utter shit, so thanks for that.

I'd like to think that single parents show each other a little solidarity but clearly those that are "better" at being single parents are just as keen to put us in the "benefit scroungers" box.

I have a degree, I ran my own business for years, I'm retraining in a professional career with one qualification nearly complete and I'll start the higher level next year but to the outside world I'm obviously just a benefit grabbing single mum who lives in a shitty flat above a shop.

Well done to those of you who've made it. I like to think I'll be allowed to join your club one day but I'll also remember my life wasn't always so.

Are you someone who get on the ladder young back in the day & just benefited from property price rises? I tried really hard to get on the ladder in the 90s but alas I was still at school.

@CleanQueen123 I'm sure you'll get there. Leaving yourself enough time to financially extricate yourself from state support is the key, which it sounds like you're doing. Having state support at a point of massive outgoings and minimal incomings is exactly what state support is for imo. The op is fairly atypical in that most people don't have spare houses to lean on. You're planning for the future, you've got a goal, that's more than enough for now.

Sorry, i did not mean for this thread to be a stealth boast.

I wanted to say, as a single mum myself , that i am proud of what i have achieved and that the people who frequently look down on me on occasion and expect me and and my children to fall into a certain category , are wrong.

I am sorry if this has come across as something else. That is not what i intended.

Wasn't it cheaper to get on the property ladder in the early 90s? I don't know what the interest rates were like. Buying a house these days is really difficult. Saving for a deposit is really hard for many and the economy has dipped lately. I think you've misjudged your audience here OP.

You should be proud if your achievements @KatherineofTarragon . Ignore anyone who looks down on you as a single parent. Just try not to look down on other single parents along the way.

If I earned 100k & was a single parent without help no way could I afford private school!

Yeah property was cheap in the early 90s due to recession. And easy to acquire in the late 90s due to lending rules and financial deregulation.

@TheKarenWhoKnocks thank you.

The problem with state support is that it's a bit of a trap. As a single parent I'll have to earn quite a lot before I'm not entitled to anything, which is totally fine, except that also means that until that time I'm not allowed any significant savings otherwise my benefits are reduced and/or stopped.

I'm not saying that you should be able to gave huge amounts of money in the bank and still claim benefits but it does have an impact on your financial security.

I could well be in the position where I'm earning enough to get a mortgage alone but won't have been able to save any money for a deposit.

I also can't save for my child as they count any money in your child's name that you have access to as yours.

I work extremely hard for mine and my child's future but it is very much an uphill struggle.

I am divorced and have bought my own home but I will admit that my ex husband is on a decent salary and I get a lot in maintenance. I have bought my house on my own salary though and could pay the bills without my ex's money, but it does help give us a more comfortable lifestyle.

My house cost £100k I'm lucky that I live in an affordable area.

@CleanQueen123 I get working tax credits, I'm not ashamed of it, don't let this thread get you down.

I'm in the same boat as you op. Single mum with 2 kids, high earner, just had my offer accepted on a gorgeous 5bed10person house. I've worked my arse off to get where I am but I do think there's not a huge amount like us. I think there is always an assumption that when there is a large house etc, it usually takes 2.

Didn't everyone get child benefit in the past? as in it wasn't means tested.

[quote KatherineofTarragon]@MyPersona i can see you are trying to reply. Yes, my Dh ended up with half the property i had bought 8 yrs previously. We were married, i was the higher earmer and i had not protected my investment. He walked away with half my house. [/quote]
@KatherineofTarragon I’m not trying to reply I’m highlighting the inconsistencies in your story.

Your husband walked away with half the house you bought when you were 24, eight years before you met him. But you had a child with him when you were 29. First you said you became a single mother when that child was 4, later you said 3...

I think there is always an assumption that when there is a large house etc, it usually takes 2.

Is it an assumption based on truth though? Only 61000 (approx) women in the UK earn over 150k so that's not a huge figure.

@CleanQueen123 I hear you. Been there myself, where for years all the harder/faster/smarter work I did meant maybe another sixty quid a month each time I punched up, often at some personal sacrifice re time/quality of life etc. But. It's a long haul. Each pound you earn yourself is another pound that you'll still get once your kids are eighteen and believe me that's worth it, compared to having your income drop off a cliffside at that point.

Also, when you can afford it do look into banging as much as you can into a pension while you're still on UC because those contributions aren't counted as earnt income. Watching your pension pot rise sure does make you feel better about the negligible impact on your available cash.

I think it’s because being a single mum isn’t desirable. Nobody wants to end up a single mum; it’s not a path anyone chooses.

So of course people will have negative preconceived ideas about it. You are the exception, not the rule.

@Spinachfinger maybe. I suspect finances are all relative. I had a hugely difficult time in the 90's working 2 jobs, 8am -5-30pm in my normal job then 6-9pm in my market research job. The late 80's and early 90's were a time of huge interest rates. I was also renting a room in a house share in the centre of London and paying for my car finance.

Maybe it was easier then even if it did not feel like at the time. I have my payslips from that time. I was earning £835 a month as an insurance actuary. That was good money in those days.

But, i had rent, car, food, petrol and raving to pay for! You cannot rent , save and rave on that money !!

Thank you @Waxonwaxoff0.

Don't misunderstand me, these high earning posters have every right to be proud. I would be too if that were me.

But at the other end of spectrum there are those of us who hate the position we've found ourselves in. However, what else are we meant to do? I'd love to be earning enough that I didn't need the benefits but I'm not at that stage of my career.

@MyPersona he was prob 3.5yrs. I instigated divorce when he was 2. I was working dull rime, divorcing , muming and buying a new house .

Cut me a few months!! I am only human! !

Thanks @TheKarenWhoKnocks. I'll look into the pension thing. I work for my LA so my pension isn't bad but I'll see if I can pay in more or get a private pension.

I have a Lifetime ISA but unfortunately those are counted so at some point I'll have to stop paying into that.

Wasn't it cheaper to get on the property ladder in the early 90s?

Most definitely & far less stringent lending rules.

The more you post, the more smug and self satisfied you sound, especially harping one only having had 2 relationships that produced kids. I've only had 1 to produce kids. Am I better than you? No.

Are your kids dads involved? The definition of 'single mum' to me has always been a woman completely on her own with kids with no physical or financial help from the father(s). Is that your situation?

[quote KatherineofTarragon]@Spinachfinger correct. I have received no maintenance. I have supported both my children fully myself. [/quote]
Apologies, I didn't see this post.