To ask why accidental pregnancies are so common?

[Change17]

I’m probably going to get a lot of negative feedback for this. But I’m in my 5th week of lockdown in Melbourne and my mind is asking all sorts of questions.

I’ve honestly never fully understood how so many women find themselves accidentally pregnant. I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

But if you’re not taking any precautions against getting pregnant, how is it such a shock when the tests come back positive?
I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? (Sorry to be blunt.)

As I say I totally understand contraception is not always completely reliable and in all honesty the reason I even started to think about this was watching Desperate Housewives which I’m currently doing a re-run or for the first time in years. Lynette always talks about how she only wanted one child but kept getting pregnant and was “surprised” each time.
I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???” If you’re not using a condom or on the pill or another form of contraception... then why not do everything else possible to avoid the risk?
I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being way too black and white about this or whether else is coming my way.

Tracking your periods on an app is not a good method to determine ovulation/fertile days because they rely on assumptions and averages.

Proper NFP using basal body temperature and observations of cervical mucous (which you can do using an app, but is not what most people mean when they say they used an app) is about as effective as condoms.

SarahAndQuack wait is this aimed at me? Am I ridiculous for being irritated by the comment or
Is the poster ridiculous for telling me as a gay woman I shouldn’t take an interest in these issues? Not asking to goad just genuinely curious who this was aimed at

Given the pill is something like 99.98% effective I'm surprised so many people get pregnant on it!

99.7% assistant. But that's perfect use. Typical use (ie real world) is 93%. Quite the difference!

[quote MrsTerryPratchett]@Supersimkin2 the point I was making with the graph is that over the years the '90% effective' isn't. And the chances that a normal person is perfect for ten years is very slim. [/quote]
I see we are making the same point :o I keep crossposting!

Bloody autocorrect!

Effective not assistant.

I just see it as an unhealthy obsession with decent statistics @BertieBotts and @Supersimkin2

@MrsTerryPratchett

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html

Very cool interactive graphic explains why the smuggos are lucky not clever.

How is that relevant to the OP talking about people who use no contraception and “accidentally” conceive?

People don't read the manual...
It's really concerning how many people don't know what can affect contraception...

It was aimed at you, @Change17.

You objected to someone pointing out your knowledge of heterosexual sex (specifically, the effectiveness of the withdrawal method) was off, by saying 'but I'm gay!' You can't then throw your toys out of the pram when someone else quite reasonably wonders why, as a lesbian who insists she can't be expected to know basic things about heterosex, you're so keen to express your rather judgy opinion.

It does come across as rude and unkind, and yes, a bit goady.

Some women have contraceptive failure.

Some women are not very good a following precise contraceptive instructions.

Some women just take a chance and either hope for the best or don’t really mind the outcome.

You can argue it takes two to tango but we know how that usually works out.

@Change17 maybe NiceGerbil's point the missing piece here, the bit you can't understand because you haven't lived it. As a gay woman you don't have to deal with men and their selfish disregard for female suffering when it comes to making their dicks happy. I was pressured into unprotected sex many times. Men just don't want to use condoms or take responsibility for not getting women pregnant because deep down they know they won't have to deal with the consequences in the same way. Younger women are especially susceptible to this but older women still have to put up with it too. Look on here and see how many threads there are about men demanding women have terminations because they cracked one off into their partner's vagina without thinking of the potential emotional harm and trauma it could cause her.

Men can get a woman pregnant 365 days a year, but women are only fertile for a fifth of that time. And yet men almost never want to pull out, wrap it up, or get the snip.

That's what you're missing.

We can't all be as perfect as you and so many others, OP. Isn't it great to have someone inferior to compare yourselves to? Woohoo, you must be a happy lot on your self-constructed moral highgrounds. You'd be so miserable without people like me and most my relatives to look down on. How desperately empty would your lives be without us, eh?

I thought the same about Lynette Scavo the other day, I started ranting about it when watching an episode where she complained Tom kept getting her pregnant. use contraception!

SarahAndQuack right... honestly it’s 6.10am I’ve had 2 hours sleep so really don’t have the will or energy to debate this but if you think that my sexuality means I can’t ask questions about topics that don’t directly apply to me me “judgy” and “goady” then that’s on you and I probably can’t change your mind. I assume you feel the same that straight people should never question lgbtq+ issues ? It’s just an odd way to view things.
Also please Point where on Earth I “insist I shouldn’t know about basic heterosexual sex”. Never once did I “insist” this I admitted that yes I don’t know a lot... why would I? Do you know a lot about lesbian or gay sex??

I just find this narrative that as a gay woman I shouldn’t take an interest in topics that I can’t necessarily relate to a bit strange. But you seem set on your view so, my words will probably fall on deaf ears

Because people are dumb

Also, even if it was 99% as a lifetime statistic - 99% is rubbish! People seem to think 99% is a synonym for "perfect" - but 1 in 100 is lots when you look at an entire population!

UK population age 25-29 (to take a random fertile age band) 4.3m
Rule out the men - 2.15m
Rule out 10% for infertility - 1.9m
Rule out let's say another 20% for women who are not sexually active with men at all (and that's probably more than) - 1.52m

In 1.52 million women, just 1% would be 152,000 contraception failure pregnancies.

That's a lot!

lljkk excuse me? Where have I said anything about being “perfect” ??

On the topic of male responsibility for contraception I thought this piece by Rob Delaney in today’s Guardian about his vasectomy was great:

www.theguardian.com/stage/2020/aug/12/could-i-feel-what-they-were-doing-yes-rob-delaney-on-the-pain-and-pleasure-of-his-vasectomy

😂

Great post msflibble.

Op, any view on her post just now?

honestly it’s 6.10am I’ve had 2 hours sleep so really don’t have the will or energy to debate this

Oh give over OP. You said in your very first sentence that you expected this to kick off.

msflibble I said I completely agreed with her point ... just that it’s a whole other discussion which I believe it is. I often wonder why more men don’t get the snip since it’s reversible. This thought has crossed my mind many many times. I
Never disputed what nicegerbil said ?

@Port1aCastis

I've just miscarried a pregnancy which was definitely accidental and that's because I messed up with the depo, however I was prepared to have my baby but miscarried at 10 weeks in June so all sorts of reasons because we are not all perfect and yes it happened to me this year and I'm still getting over the horrible time I spent in hospital with complications so I do not need some smart arse to tell me I fucked up because I know and being driven to hospital sitting on a bath towel ensures I will never forget

I had the exact same thing with the depo. Hardest thing ever

NiceGerbil woah what’s happening. I said I completely agree with you? You both seem to be implying that I’m somehow putting all the blame on women in these situations. I’ve often asked myself why men don’t get the snip more since it’s reversible I’m not sure where it came across that I didn’t agree with what you said

If you are having sex, which exists for human procreation then the chances are you might conceive, even on contraception. Then people are shocked at being pregnant, I totally agree with you OP.