To ask why accidental pregnancies are so common?

[Change17]

I’m probably going to get a lot of negative feedback for this. But I’m in my 5th week of lockdown in Melbourne and my mind is asking all sorts of questions.

I’ve honestly never fully understood how so many women find themselves accidentally pregnant. I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

But if you’re not taking any precautions against getting pregnant, how is it such a shock when the tests come back positive?
I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? (Sorry to be blunt.)

As I say I totally understand contraception is not always completely reliable and in all honesty the reason I even started to think about this was watching Desperate Housewives which I’m currently doing a re-run or for the first time in years. Lynette always talks about how she only wanted one child but kept getting pregnant and was “surprised” each time.
I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???” If you’re not using a condom or on the pill or another form of contraception... then why not do everything else possible to avoid the risk?
I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being way too black and white about this or whether else is coming my way.

I'll be honest, 2 out of 3 of my pregnancies were unplanned. My first was a contraceptive failure and a huge shock. I was 21 and I was using a Femcap which was marketed as being as effective as condoms. I obviously didn't use it right as I was pregnant within 2 months.

Second baby was planned as we were so happy with having our first. I had learned by this point that I could not cope with hormonal contraception as I'm very sensitive to it, and so was using a combination of cycle tracking and barrier methods, but we slipped up.

So accidental pregnancies do happen, but I must say that if I wasn't in a loving relationship and already had children i would be much more serious about avoiding pregnancy. I'm at the point where a 4th pregnancy would be a disaster financially so I will be taking it more seriously this time

3 pill failures in one woman really is ‘much’ actually. Taken correctly the combined pill is 99.7% effective.

Rough maths of average sex twice a month over that PPs time period with 0.03 failure rate is actually 1.3 accidental pregnancies despite taking contraceptive properly.

@MyPersona it's not really that much actually. If the poster in question had sex once a week for 17 years, that's 884 instances of sex. 0.3% of that is about 2.652. So 3 failures is about exactly right.

0.3 not 0.03

I think generally 'accidental' pregnancies from consensual sex weren't accidental.

If you have unprotected sex then you know pregnancy is a reality.

Nods to msflibble

I think most unplanned pregnancies occur as a result of either carelessness (heat of the moment sex) or contraception failing. I've never been pregnant but did have a mishap with a condom coming off so I had to get the morning after pill as I was certainly not wanting to take the chance. However a friend of mine got pregnant after her coil had moved, she didnt know until she was 12 weeks and the thought of an abortion terrified her so continued with the pregnancy.

@MrsTerryPratchett - the chart shows the opposite! It's showing you the difference between people who make mistakes (typical) using contraception - the big red line that shows a higher chance of getting pregnant. The more mistakes you make, the higher chance you have of a baby.

You don't say.

Versus the neat, low blue line which is showing you how there is a much lower chance of getting pregnant if you follow the instructions on the packet.

I got pregnant fairly young by accident. I was on the pill so it was a massive surprise. I think I had been sick once that month so it must have made it less effective. I didn’t go through with the pregnancy because I wasn’t ready to be a Mum. I then got pregnant again kind of by accident when I was older. I was being less careful with my birth control at that point because deep down I really did want a child. So it was a surprise for my partner but slightly less of one for me if I am being completely honest. I was taking my pill but took it late a few times. The point of me admitting this is that sometimes maybe women want a happy accident to occur and might subconsciously be a bit less careful. But are still surprised when it actually happens.

I had an accidental surprise pregnancy with my second child. I tracked my period on an app & we never had sex any where near my ‘fertile days’ - he also pulled out.

I was shocked as hell. I know neither of these methods are fool proof (clearly) but my dates must of been way off (fairly regular usually) and we must of conceived with ‘pre cum’ 😂... so yeah, we’ll never tell our daughter this, clearly.

There is also the point that it takes two to tango.

Men can and should insist on condoms if they do not want to make babies.

I have met plenty of men who were worryingly keen to take that risk.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter nods back

Saying that, I don’t believe I will ever have an accidental pregnancy again because I really, really don’t want more kids. So we will always use contraceptives now. Obviously there’s no guarantees but we’ll never be as wreckless again, or we could end up with 10 😂

@NiceGerbil it's always easy to take a risk when someone else will have to have the abortion I guess

Well roughly 1 in every 100 women have contraception fail when used accurately. I know far more than 100 women on birth control so plenty of them must fail. And that's when used accurately. I've certainly forgotten a few pills in my time etc. Without thinking too much of it. When women are fertile is pretty subjective too. Yes on average women have 3 days a month when they can get pregnant but some women's cycle may be longer/shorter mean they're fertile more days and theres more opportunities for slip ups

I was diagnosed with being subfertile with no menstrual cycle completing with a viable egg. I had my first child with fertility treatment.

However, I was in medication that doctors didn't connect with the infertility. I was transferred onto different medication, for an unrelated reason and had resigned myself to only having one child.

3 years after transfer to new medication I fell pregnant unexpectedly (but delightedly) and after investigation doctors realised tgat the issue had been caused by the initial meds.

@Supersimkin2 the point I was making with the graph is that over the years the '90% effective' isn't. And the chances that a normal person is perfect for ten years is very slim.

@Change17

Nomorepies damn. I wasn’t aware that as a gay woman I was forbidden to take an interest in topics that don’t directly apply to me. I’ll make sure to make an announcement to all my fellow homosexuals.

Oh come on, you are being ridiculous.

NiceGerbil oh 100%. That’s a whole other discussion in itself but couldn’t agree more

I'm one of the infertile, adopts then pregnant people
I had unexplained infertity. Tried for a baby for 6 years including fertility treatment. Adopted. Had sex once in three months (had still been having unprotected sex) and boomf pregnant. I also embarrassingly teach sex education

@MrsTerryPratchett you're dead right, sorry if I sounded picky. The only thing that really works, as the author says under the little lines, is the implant.

msflibble yes I agree.

I was thinking of the posts on here saying loads of women get pregnant on purpose and say it's an accident to trap men. I'm sure it happens, and both ways around tbh. Globally men know that children tie Women to them.

Anyway. Men also know that sex makes babies. So if they don't want to be trapped by these apparent hordes of dishonest women they can take the step of wearing a condom, which will certainly reduce the risk.

Percentage doesn't refer to instances of sex, it refers to per year. Actually instances of sex doesn't make much of a difference at all as to whether you conceive or not, unless you're talking less than once every 6-8 weeks.

To calculate overall risk over the 17 year period you need to multiply 0.997 x 0.997 17 times, or 0.997 to the power of 17.

It works out to about 95% reliability - so one in 20 will experience a failure using that contraception over that time period.

One in 20 is hardly uncommon - you probably know more than 20 adult, sexually active women, and this is one of the most effective contraceptions AND used perfectly.

Honestly, of not a contraception fail, or something terrible i.e rape, it's carelessness and sometimes stupidity or lack of sex education, and believing ridiculous myths.

Goady to ask this here.