To ask why accidental pregnancies are so common?

[Change17]

I’m probably going to get a lot of negative feedback for this. But I’m in my 5th week of lockdown in Melbourne and my mind is asking all sorts of questions.

I’ve honestly never fully understood how so many women find themselves accidentally pregnant. I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

But if you’re not taking any precautions against getting pregnant, how is it such a shock when the tests come back positive?
I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? (Sorry to be blunt.)

As I say I totally understand contraception is not always completely reliable and in all honesty the reason I even started to think about this was watching Desperate Housewives which I’m currently doing a re-run or for the first time in years. Lynette always talks about how she only wanted one child but kept getting pregnant and was “surprised” each time.
I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???” If you’re not using a condom or on the pill or another form of contraception... then why not do everything else possible to avoid the risk?
I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being way too black and white about this or whether else is coming my way.

@Justsocross

If you see the way people wear face masks .... accidental pregnancies are no surprise !!!!!!

I wish mumsnet had a like button like Facebook.

A lot of contraceptive methods are a lot less reliable "in the wild" than they are in the lab.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/how-effective-contraception/

E.g. for the pill, roughly 1 out of 10 women will get pregnant within a year.
For male condoms, roughly 2 out of 10. That's a lot!

If a woman relies on condoms, and is sexually active for years, her risk of getting pregnant (at any time within all these years) rises very quickly:
1 year: 20%
2 years: 36% (80% × 80% = 64% chance of NOT getting pregnant on year 1 AND on year 2)
3 years: 48.8%
4 years: 59.04% (uh-oh...)
etc.

Long term contraception is typically more effective (99%), but because of random side effects, a lot of women give up on it eventually.

@Change17

So if I leave my shoes out at the top of the stairs, trip down them and die you would be like "Hmmm not completely an accidental death but not entirely suicide either... tricky one that... a surprise death".

I'd fucking hate to see you try and comfort somebody who got burgled after they forgot to shut a window.

Notalways has it occurred to you that some may have had abortions and not told you?

This is a really weird thread.

And ok forget the herpes thing! My point was would op judge my friends as harshly as she judges het women. But she hasn't answered

@Kaiserin oh that’s very interesting

Contraceptive injection is apparently 6 in 100 pregnancies with ‘typical use’ rather than perfect use- does this mean women leaving too long between shots?

UglyGlassVase what on Earth are you talking about? If someone tripped over something left on the stairs I think a general consensus would be “damn that’s unfortunate but not totally unexpected considering they were lying right there.”

Why are you coming for me like this over terminology? Have you even read other posts in here discussing the surprise / accidental differentiation? So what would you call it get? Getting pregnant when not being careful about contraception? You’d call that 100% an accident respite knowing the risks ?

Well, one of my pregnancies was twins. That was a damn surprise!

nicegerbil because you’re trying to goad and upset me by trying to paint a picture that I’m some awful judgemental person for asking these questions and I won’t accept it. “As she judges het women” is absolutely ridiculous and you know it you just want a reaction well congrats you’ve got one. Just stop now surely you’re tired of this.

If someone tripped over something left on the stairs I think a general consensus would be “damn that’s unfortunate but not totally unexpected considering they were lying right there.”

That actually made me laugh. I think you need to associate with less twats if that's what you think peoples general consensus would be to that scenario.

Why are you coming for me like this over terminology? Have you even read other posts in here discussing the surprise / accidental differentiation? So what would you call it get? Getting pregnant when not being careful about contraception? You’d call that 100% an accident respite knowing the risks ?

I would call it an accident if it wasn't intentional. I mean that's not me, its the literal definition of accident.

UglyGlassVase so someone trips down the stairs because They left a pair of shoes on them and they’re completely shocked and baffled as to how it possibly could’ve happened. That’s really what you think?

"I'm sorry to let you all know that Janet died of her injuries from tripping on her shoes and falling down the stairs"

“damn that’s unfortunate but not totally unexpected considering they were lying right there.”

OTOH I think it is quite common for people to say a pregnancy is a 'surprise' when what they mean is 'I know exactly why I am pregnant, but I wasn't expecting it to happen'.

^^

@Change17

And if following the fall they were left with life long injuries would you be like "Well Janet I know you say it's an accident but you kind of intentionally blinded yourself didn't you?".

I imagine you're a riot at funerals.

my word. I haven't read all the comments but some of you are really out to get OP.

Perhaps I am being too generous here but I do not think for a second OP is referring to situations of rape, partner being an arsehole and taking condom off during sex, condoms breaking, pill not working etc etc.

Once when I was 19 and living with my two older sisters, my boyfriend came over and realised he was out of condoms. I wasn't on the pill, so I phoned both sisters who weren't home at the time and asked if either had any condoms in their rooms that I could grab. Neither did. So what did we do? "Fuck it lets risk it." I didn't ask him to pull out. He didn't offer. We were young, naive, and so we "risked it."
A week later I go with my oldest sister to get a pregnancy test and shock horror its positive. Was I upset? Yes. Did I feel like an idiot? Absolutely? But was I totally taken aback, in disbelief, baffled as to how this could have happened? No.. and both my sisters had no hesitation in telling me just how foolish I had been. And frankly I wouldn't even be mad if someone judged me as it was reckless and naive to have the "oh well it won't happen to me attitude."

People are far too ready to jump on posts like this assuming OP is attacking all women who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant but in situations like my own, yes I don't understand how it comes as such a shock to some.

I also think there is a shocking lack of sex ed in some schools I was in year 7 and barely remember my own.

I often wonder this OP. Its not difficult to prevent it happening if its not what you want. And if you're not preventing it then it shouldn't be such a surprise when it happens!

Contraception failures aside obviously.

The pull out method is not a form of contraception.

PatriciaPerch what a peculiar comment.

Does “I wasn’t taking the pill correctly” mean you were forgetting them, not given the right information or avoiding them due to side effects?

UglyGlassVase I am trying hard to understand this train of thought but it seems like you don't believe any responsibility should be taken- whether it be falling pregnant after not taking precautions, tripping down the stairs after leaving shoes out or whatever else.

An accident is also defined as something "unexpected." Do you really think tripping over an item you left on the stairs is "unexpected"

I was thinking similar recently OP, because DP and I have been trying for a while now and it just seems so hard

(So I’m coming from a different perspective if you see what I mean, it just doesn’t seem that easy to accidentally fall pregnant to me at the mo)

There are lots of reasons a pregnancy is a shock.

I have a friend who was told she couldn’t conceive naturally. She had two children through IVF then in her mid 30”S fell pregnant naturally.

Another friend tried to conceive for 16 YEARS!! Then conceived at 45.

I had a shock pregnancy at the age of 45, the result of having sex once at a time that I thought wasn’t in “that window”.

It happens.

A lot of the ‘pill failures’ are due to people not following instructions. A relative of mine volunteers at a sexual health clinic and says in his experience it’s usually because people either haven’t worn a condom properly (ie pinch the tip) or forgotten that the pill doesn’t work as well if you are drinking / taking other meds or doing drugs. The same people then don’t follow the instructions for the MAP properly.