To ask why accidental pregnancies are so common?

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I’m probably going to get a lot of negative feedback for this. But I’m in my 5th week of lockdown in Melbourne and my mind is asking all sorts of questions.

I’ve honestly never fully understood how so many women find themselves accidentally pregnant. I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

But if you’re not taking any precautions against getting pregnant, how is it such a shock when the tests come back positive?
I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? (Sorry to be blunt.)

As I say I totally understand contraception is not always completely reliable and in all honesty the reason I even started to think about this was watching Desperate Housewives which I’m currently doing a re-run or for the first time in years. Lynette always talks about how she only wanted one child but kept getting pregnant and was “surprised” each time.
I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???” If you’re not using a condom or on the pill or another form of contraception... then why not do everything else possible to avoid the risk?
I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being way too black and white about this or whether else is coming my way.

Well, I was in my late 30'a had been off the pill for almost 10
Years. Been in a marriage and tried for almost 8 years. Had all the fertility checks was told that I had a very low egg count. Was told that there was no point in me trying IVF. My then husband had a sperm count so high that the doctor blushed. I had nothing for those 8 years. So I accepted that I would
Never have children that I was infertile and went through all the emotional work accepting that my life was never going to be as planned with lots of children etc. My ex husband had 3 children with his ex and had no difficulty conceiving, I was in an exclusive relationship that was for fun 10 years later and found myself pregnant after 6 months. I thought I had breast cancer. It was the biggest surprise of my life, but every-time since we used contraception.

My 3rd baby was a huuuuuge surprise, didn't even think it was possible but it happened and somehow it makes it even more special.

msflibble I am not surprised by rhe hostility. I knew people would have a range of opinions. What I didn’t expect was to be told that as a gay woman, I shouldn’t have these curiosities.
I’m not going to defend myself in terms of defending women and women’s rights. Ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you I’m passionate about feminism and women’s rights.

I also never once said I’d be “cleverer” in the situation. What I did say in response to someone questioning my lack of knowledge, was that If I did hve sex with men I’d educate myself more on issues such as withdrawing as I admit I know very very little and sex Ed at my school was severely lacking. I’ve never once claimed that I wouldn’t have run into some sticky spots if I were straight / bisexual. All I’ve said is that my knowledge is limited however were I to be having sex with men, Id naturally want to educate myself a bit more on what exactly I can do to try and avoid pregnancies. Never said anything about how this would never happen to me even if I were straight etc which is what you are implying

@Nquartz
I've been told twice recently that someone's second pregnancy was a surprise, surely they know how babies are made so how is it a surprise when they get pregnant?

I know someone who had a baby then a few months later, exclaimed all wide eyed and surprised that she was pregnant again followed by a tinkley little laugh....this persons job role is to give contraception advice to the public as well

What I didn’t expect was to be told that as a gay woman, I shouldn’t have these curiosities.

Who is telling you that, please?

Cos it sure isn't me, and it certainly wasn't the poster I saw you responding to.

NiceGerbil Gosh. Not sure why you’re hellbent on turning me into the bad guy here. Really don’t have the energy. I asked this question out of curiosity. Not because I’m a raging judgmental b*tch as you seem to be applying.

a lot of comments I’ve seen on here are 10x more judgemental in tone than anything I’ve said. Not sure why I’m getting berated like this

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze
in my case, the relationship was emotionally abusive and I was completely under his control. In the first year he was an exemplary boyfriend who always used condoms. Then he started to mistreat me and complained about them. He would take them off during sex. By that point I had moved away to an isolated village with him far from my friends. I couldn't imagine life without him and wanted to please him, or at least not make him angry. I didn't want to lose him by being the awkward girl who insisted on things he didn't like- I had no self-esteem and by this point, no conception of what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like.

It is not always as simple as people would like to believe. Anyone can say "oh if that was me I'd have done things differently" but you never know that until it's happening to you.

@Port1aCastis I’m so sorry for your loss, and wish you all the best for the future 💐

SarahAndQuack not gonna scroll to find it but it was something along the lines of “as a lesbian why would you even care?” A couple of people
Commented that they’d be reporting it so clearly I’m not the only one to have found it out of order

* The researchers found that 5 percent of women tested had a gene called CYP3A71C that is usually active in fetuses and then switched off before birth. But some women with this gene continue to make the CYP3A7 enzyme into adulthood.
"That enzyme breaks down the hormones in birth control and may put women at a higher risk of pregnancy while using contraceptives, especially lower dose methods," Lazorwitz said.
The variant could be found during genetic screening.
"When a woman says she got pregnant while on birth control the assumption was always that it was somehow her fault," Lazorwitz said. "But these findings show that we should listen to our patients and consider if there is something in their genes that caused this."
The findings point to how pharmacogenomics, a relatively new field which analyzes how genes affect a person's response to drugs, has the potential to dramatically alter the field of women's health.*

What is wrong with someone asking why you'd care, as a lesbian? You yourself keep on making the point that you're a lesbian so you don't know much about it/lol you don't know/you never bothered to find out.

Don't you see why people might read you saying something that boils down to 'as a lesbian I don't care enough to find out about this' and respond by wondering why, as a lesbian, you care?

In terms of versectomies being reversible - this must be an area I’m also very naive in because I’ve always been told they are. It’s often discussed on various feminist Instagram accounts I follow and in feminist Facebook groups so I admit I’m not a bit unsure as pps here are saying it’s not true so will take some time out to learn up

Oh and the idea that women and girls can just take hormonal contraception is iffy.

Don't get me wrong the pill is great. I was on it for years.
The mirena, not so great.

Just read threads on here to see women's experiences with various hormonal contraceptives. And with the long acting ones, if they don't suit you, the docs are very unwilling to take them out.

The study on the effects on girls and young women of hormonal contraception was grim reading, others dispute the results though.

But it's not as simple as oh just get an implant etc.

Have you considered all that stuff?

SarahAndQuack oh give it a rest. You’ve made up your mind that I’m a judgemental c*nt and I won’t be able to change that. Clearly.

The issue with vasectomies is that (like tying tubes), they can reverse themselves so it's a good idea for men to check things out every now and again, so they don't risk accidentally getting a partner pregnant.

It's not guaranteed they could be reversed, and it wouldn't be simple or free.

The idea that men would have vasectomies as a reversible form of contraception is really laughable, sorry OP.

Men are pretty squeamish about it, even the 'good' ones!

I'm as entitled to my opinion as you are.

I think you brought up the lesbian thing, then you slapped someone down for mentioning it. That, and your emphasis on how irresponsible you think other women are, make me think you're out to be unpleasant to people.

[quote msflibble]@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze
in my case, the relationship was emotionally abusive and I was completely under his control. In the first year he was an exemplary boyfriend who always used condoms. Then he started to mistreat me and complained about them. He would take them off during sex. By that point I had moved away to an isolated village with him far from my friends. I couldn't imagine life without him and wanted to please him, or at least not make him angry. I didn't want to lose him by being the awkward girl who insisted on things he didn't like- I had no self-esteem and by this point, no conception of what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like.

It is not always as simple as people would like to believe. Anyone can say "oh if that was me I'd have done things differently" but you never know that until it's happening to you.[/quote]
I am so sorry that this happened to you. Removing a condom during sex is rape.

lNiceGerbil right so let me get this straight.
You’re the one (wrongly) assuming that I’m putting all the blame on women. I’ve made it clear that this isn’t the case at all, and that I’ve often seen people discuss men getting versectomies and then reversing them when they’re ready for kids. And from what I’ve seen this looks like a decent solution. And yetttt me saying this and saying that men should take more responsibility, I am STILL in the wrong ?

I do however think that if I were having sex with men, I would certainly have done my research on all of this to make sure I’d avoid pregnancies as far as I possibly could.

Statistically you wouldn't.

It's a bit like everyone being a perfect parent before they've had children. We always assume imaginary us wouldn't be careless or lazy. Real life us always is at some point.

SarahAndQuack if you say so.

Honestly OP, if you are so naive as to imagine that people wouldn't berate you for literally coming on to a forum full of women and mothers, many of whom have experienced abortions and unplanned pregnancies at great personal cost, to scratch your chin about how we could be so stupid as to not realise sex leads to pregnancy, then maybe you have just as little foresight and common sense as you're implying we do.

There have been times in the past when "we" have got a bit carried away she wanted it and so did i .

No condoms to hand;( well she said its OK you don't have to pop inside me..

The that led to a "christ i'm cumming" on my part the reponse was more times than a little "its alright go on, do me!"..

I suppose its mother nature having her selfish way.

No children were know to have resulted from this practice!.

I’ve often seen people discuss men getting versectomies and then reversing them when they’re ready for kids. And from what I’ve seen this looks like a decent solution.

Honestly, this is absolutely not a 'decent solution'. There's no way it was a serious discussion amongst informed people.

And maybe this is part of the problem. You think if you were straight you'd 'do your research,' but chances are lots of straight women think they've 'done the research' and still don't realise they were misinformed. It happens.

Vasectomies are considered permanent contraception and should never be undertaken with the view that they are reversible. A man can elect to freeze sperm and sperm are far more durable to defrosting than female eggs, however.