To not want DDs boyfriend in our home..

[passthemustard]

So... a couple of weeks ago my DD(18) went out with her BF (20) and some friends and they all had a few drinks. She was staying at his house and they went back with one of his friends (F) as the friends Dad was going to pick her up from there.
The friend passed out on the bed while waiting for her dad and my DD feeling worse for wear went to sleep on the bed beside her. Only she woken some time later by her BF and this friend having sex.
She appears to have forgiven him but I can't get over it. I think she's a mug and I don't want him in my house. She says she won't finish with him so I need to get over myself and she's more cross with me not allowing him in the house than she is for him doing what he did.
AIBU?

@passthemustard

If you send me your address, I can post you a mole, as by happy (or rather, unhappy) coincidence, my cat caught one a couple of days ago!

I think that the funniest time was when he went on a lads holiday (shagathon) abroad and sent my sister a postcard that read 'thinking of you'. My Mum expertly doctored it to read 'thinking of your mum'. She then excitedly questioned him over it when they were alone, just to further compound his horror. He was convinced that his mates had stitched him up. He never did find out the truth!

He sounds like a right piece of work! Scumbag!

Although I wouldn't call it rape as he was presumably drunk and couldn't consent either.

She is intelligent you say. Yet she decides to stay with her boyfriend who was shagging her friend in the bed SHE WAS LYING IN TOO...

And you are calling him thick??? Uhm..

He is a bad piece of fecal matter. But your dd has some serious issues. Dont just blame him op . Your daughter has A lot to work on....

This is a horrible situation for you... your daughter has no respect for herself which is bad enough but her boyfriend doesn't respect her either and what he did massively oversteps normal boundaries, he obviously doesn't care how he treats her. Shudder.

Has she said why she told you ? She must have known what your reaction would be so I presume she's upset but not enough to think it's something worth ending the relationship for, which is very sad.

Best of luck with A level results today

good luck OP 🌺

Did your DD get the grades she needed to get to Uni? I hope so

Fingers crossed for your dd's results today, OP.

Keeping my fingers crossed for your DD’s results today so she can get away from her horrible BF.
Also fwiw I’d allow him in the house and eyeball him every time he looks at me and make him feel as uncomfortable as possible.

Everything crossed for you today that your dd gets as far away from this scumbag as possible!

Thanks everyone. She did really well but missed out on the grades (2 exam grades downgraded from her predicted marks) she needed to get her firm choice. She has a place at a different London uni though. But she doesn't want to go to that one. We will be appealing as at least one of grades was below her mock result but if the other can't be adjusted she still won't meet the chosen uni conditions.
Luckily the local uni isn't on clearing for the course she wants. But now she's talking about a gap year ..... 🥴 fingers crossed for the appeal

[quote Arthersleep]@passthemustard

If you send me your address, I can post you a mole, as by happy (or rather, unhappy) coincidence, my cat caught one a couple of days ago!

I think that the funniest time was when he went on a lads holiday (shagathon) abroad and sent my sister a postcard that read 'thinking of you'. My Mum expertly doctored it to read 'thinking of your mum'. She then excitedly questioned him over it when they were alone, just to further compound his horror. He was convinced that his mates had stitched him up. He never did find out the truth![/quote]
Your family have tactics

OP hope it works out with DD. The testing clinic will probably have a few words to say if she tells them the background.

@passthemustard

Thanks everyone. She did really well but missed out on the grades (2 exam grades downgraded from her predicted marks) she needed to get her firm choice. She has a place at a different London uni though. But she doesn't want to go to that one. We will be appealing as at least one of grades was below her mock result but if the other can't be adjusted she still won't meet the chosen uni conditions. Luckily the local uni isn't on clearing for the course she wants. But now she's talking about a gap year ..... 🥴 fingers crossed for the appeal

It might be worth checking with the uni of choice anyway because I read that they were going to be far softer on entrance requirements this year because of this grade fiasco.

I wouldn’t give up hope on top choice yet!

All the best of luck to you both!

Gap year? Hell no! The last thing she needs is to be wasting time when travel and the world is so problematic- she may as well use the time to get a move on and get her head down! and as far away as the disgusting boyfriend as possible

Was the gap year HIS idea? To keep his filthy hooks in for a little longer? To totally destroy the last shred of self esteem she has?

Has she looked at counselling? What's making her pick such a deadbeat in the first place? It can't just be immaturity as she's clearly a bright girl.

She's decided to take her second choice uni in London. I can't see the relationship lasting long distance given she can't even trust him when he's in the same room.

Hurrah!!

Fab news!

When I was 18 I had a boyfriend that my parents hated, to the point that my parents told him he couldn't even pick me up infront of the house and had to wait at the end of the street. Long story short because they were so against him and I thought I was right I dug my heels in. A relationship that would have fizzled out in a few weeks went on for months. Banning him from the house may push your daughter closer to him

With the latest news re exam results does this mean your daughter will get her first choice @passthemustard ?
I do hope so and she gets as far away as possible from her disgusting boyfriend.

@LadyEloise the exams were such a massive cock up. She hasn't been able to get into her first choice, but the 2nd choice is in London too and we're in the south west so plenty of distance. 😁

She's still 'with' the boyfriend but she's always telling me about this boy or that boy who asked for her number. I tried encouraging her to take a year off or apply for the uni not far from us (really tried hard to make her stay 😂) but she's decided she's off to London next week and I'm really happy for her!!

YANBU.

I wouldn’t allow that scumbag over my door either!

Should my daughter be concerned that her boyfriend has started going out with girls (as part of a small group of boys/girls)? My daughter is not invited along.

The boyfriend treated her badly before lockdown and my daughter was ready to finish the relationship. Then during lockdown he said he was really sorry for the way he had treated her and he really loved her. All has been much better since but recently he has started hanging out with more girls and she is feeling very insecure. If she was hanging round with boys he would soon complain but she doesn't feel she can say anything for fear of being seen as controlling!

Sorry posted my message in the wrong place and can't find out how to delete it!