To not want DDs boyfriend in our home..

[passthemustard]

So... a couple of weeks ago my DD(18) went out with her BF (20) and some friends and they all had a few drinks. She was staying at his house and they went back with one of his friends (F) as the friends Dad was going to pick her up from there.
The friend passed out on the bed while waiting for her dad and my DD feeling worse for wear went to sleep on the bed beside her. Only she woken some time later by her BF and this friend having sex.
She appears to have forgiven him but I can't get over it. I think she's a mug and I don't want him in my house. She says she won't finish with him so I need to get over myself and she's more cross with me not allowing him in the house than she is for him doing what he did.
AIBU?

[katy1213]

Your house, your rules. It might encourage to have a little more self-respect.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

Honestly I would be more worried that I had a daughter with such little self-worth that she was willing to accept this. What else has she accepted OP? Is he hitting her? Insulting her? Emotionally / Verbally / financially abusing her? It you ban him from the house then there’s a very strong chance your dd may be talked round into cutting you off completely (just like she was talked into thinking him fucking another girl next to her was ok).

In your place I would Keep him closer than close. Invite them over weekend and evening. Treat him like a God and make sure he has no intention of cutting off your dd’s genuine support system - then when things do get out of hand your dd will be more inclined to listen to you.

[PeppaPigMakesMeGrrrrr]

Sadly, I'd be concerned about her going off to university whilst displaying behaviour that makes it clear she has very little respect for herself

[PeppaPigMakesMeGrrrrr]

Sadly, I'd be concerned about her going off to university whilst displaying behaviour that makes it clear she has very little respect for herself or ability to stand up to people that are taking her for a ride

[MsEllany]

‘Treat him like a god’ are you mad?!

She’s 18 and shortly going to uni. It won’t be long till OP has no control over where she goes or who she’s with. I would be having some strong conversations with her, because if she wants to be treated like an adult then she doesn’t get to shy away from some hard truths. And the hard truth is that this guy has cheated in her face so what’s going to stop him doing it behind her back?

[namechangetheworld]

I wouldn't ban him from the house - my parents did this to my (horrible) boyfriend when I was 17 and it only made me want to be with him more. Please sit down and have a chat with her about her own self worth and how she deserves better though.

[SerenDippitty]

Your daughter really needs to work on her self esteem if she thinks this something she should forgive.

[passthemustard]

@Smiliboo she told me. I only know what's she said so she have edited the story but frankly I've heard enough!

It turns out it's not the first time these two have had sex. 😬

[EverdeRose]

I wouldn't ban him from the house, if you do your setting a dangerous precedent where next time her arsehole boyfriend does something similar or even abusive she won't tell you because she'll be scared he's going to get banned from coming around.
Instead I'd concentrate on instilling some self worth into her before she goes to uni and hope that while she's there she gets wise.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Bloody hell, your dd will have to learn not to let people walk all over her like that. O wouldn't want him in my house either, but then I would probably let him so I could make it really awkward for him.

[CelestialSpanking]

She says she won't finish with him so I need to get over myself and she's more cross with me not allowing him in the house than she is for him doing what he did.

She’s taking the hurt he’s put her through out on you because she can’t with him, she doesn’t feel secure enough to in their relationship.

YANBU at all I’d have trouble staying civil towards him let alone being actually nice and welcoming. I hope your daughter sees the light and dumps his cheating arse sooner rather than later.

[meercat23]

I would let him come to the house and then fix him with the death stare so he was aware that I know and exactly what I thought of him.

[passthemustard]

I am worried about pushing her away. I've asked her so many times why she would allow herself to be treated that way and all she can say is she likes him. She says she understands why I don't want him in my house. She says she knows she should dump him but she doesn't want to.

I'm hoping she just wants to keep having 'fun' until she moves 200 miles away in a few weeks.

She's an intelligent girl and she seems to have a whole lot of admirers (who would probably treat her a whole lot better))

[Boohoohoohooho]

That’s awful. Why do you think your daughter told you?

[mbosnz]

Oh lord. I have a niece who had similar issues. He had delusional dreams about a harem. It took one hell of a lot to get her to finally kick him to the curb. Of course, I was doing it long distance, which made it harder.

Her self esteem, was in the toilet, and she was in luuuuurve. . . and he was a rattlesnake crossed with a skunk. 'But aunty, he's so good to me! He loves me!'

[GisAFag]

Wow poor girl, shes probably in shock.

[ShouldWeChangeTheBulb]

Have they had threesomes with this girl before? Or do they have an open relationship? Otherwise I’d be very worried about you DD’s acceptance of this.

[Patriciawentworth]

I don’t see how someone who has passed out from drunkenness can suddenly be capable of consent to sex. They’re still blind drunk, just awake.

I would certainly not have this man in my house and I’d also consider calling the police to ask for their advice. This girl is young and I couldn’t live with myself if I thought I’d looked away from the possibility that she’d been raped.

[passthemustard]

@ShouldWeChangeTheBulb
No nothing like that.
It has transpired that him and this girl have had sex in the past though.

[passthemustard]

@Patriciawentworth
The girl is older and is in the armed forces. I'm confident she consented.

[HolyForkinShirt]

YANBU.

This man cunt cheated on his gf, in the same bed. While having sex with an unconscious young girl.

You are right to ban him from your house.

Having said that. If she has forgiven him, I fear she will just see him outside of your home.

I really hope your DD finds some dignity and leaves him. And her mate reports him to the police.

[HolyForkinShirt]

@namechangetheworld

I wouldn't ban him from the house - my parents did this to my (horrible) boyfriend when I was 17 and it only made me want to be with him more. Please sit down and have a chat with her about her own self worth and how she deserves better though.

This is a really good point.

[mbosnz]

I don't think you can necessarily be confident from that, that she consented.

However, that is not your issue.

Your issue is your daughter with this guy who thinks so little of her that he has sex with somebody else with her in the same bed. And she thinks so little of herself, that she's okay with that. And is annoyed with you not enabling this. Which you understandably feel uncomfortable with.

[Itisbetter]

Yuck. Tell her you don’t want to see him again.

[AriesTheRam]

Your daughter needs to get an sti test.im assuming she couldn't tell if they'd used a condom?