My in laws just gifted me scales for my birthday

[Lsquiggles]

It's my birthday and I feel absolutely shit after opening a present from my in laws... Fucking scales.

No matter how hard I've tried with them they've always made it clear they don't like me that much, this is just the lowest blow.

They're meant to come over on Saturday and I don't know how I'm meant to bite my tongue.

I don’t quite understand why you have to be there when they visit because your dd gets upset. Surely, your DH is around and her dad can look after her and reassure her??

You don't have an in laws problem, or even a scales problem, you have a DH problem. He needs to deal with it. And you need to tell him to deal with it.

How does that sound OP?

My advice having had similar is if your too upset this weekend go out with baby and spend less time with them or avoid completely.

Longer term deal with it there and then and stop biting your tounge - that made a massive difference in attitude towards me.

Remind DH it happened - as mine kept "forgetting" ie didn't want to deal with it and try and head of any unwanted behavior before it happens - making it his problem as well not just mine.

Get rid ot the scales - I've had to do that with few presents to kids and myself - no point having something in your house making you unhappy though if kids had really wanted to keep the things I would have let them but they didn't.

There's nothing that's not offensive about that gift.
Tell dh he has options

He cancels them because they've upset you
You go out for the day and he manages dd
You and dd go out for the day

If pil message you have a reply that you're happy with to send immediately.

Thank you for sending me a gift, however weighing scales are a deeply inappropriate and insensitive gift to send to a mother. If I wished to loose weight, that's what I'd be doing and it wouldn't need any help from you. In future, I think it would be best if we didn't exchange gifts.

So at xmas, birthdays, mothers/Father's Day, don't help, give ideas or prompt your dh to buy any gifts/cards.

They are obviously unpleasant people, so I'd back away.

Please cancel Saturday "I have my virtual WeightWatchers meeting" or "We're just gonna order in pizza and ice cream and slob on the sofa as a birthday treat"

Whichever you think would be most fun @Lsquiggles

Some men are just blinded to their parents motives! It's ridiculous, you need him to be able to call them out when they're acting like monsters. At the very least to say to you "that was unreasonable and they're acting awfully" so you have a little support.

If they do come, maybe have a reason to go out with DD and leave their son to entertain them.

@forrestgreen

There's nothing that's not offensive about that gift. Tell dh he has options

He cancels them because they've upset you
You go out for the day and he manages dd
You and dd go out for the day

If pil message you have a reply that you're happy with to send immediately.

Thank you for sending me a gift, however weighing scales are a deeply inappropriate and insensitive gift to send to a mother. If I wished to loose weight, that's what I'd be doing and it wouldn't need any help from you. In future, I think it would be best if we didn't exchange gifts.

So at xmas, birthdays, mothers/Father's Day, don't help, give ideas or prompt your dh to buy any gifts/cards.

They are obviously unpleasant people, so I'd back away.

No no just keep it cool:

Thank you so much for your gift, it’s just what I needed. So kind and thoughtful of you.

Then be out when they visit.

I would just get your husband to take them back, today, to them and tell them they have seriously upset you and at the moment he is not sure if Saturday is going to take place until such time as they apologise to you for such a horrid gift

Then ask him to use this as an opportunity to tell them not to buy gifts for you or him any more and you will stop buying for them. If they wish to buy for their grandchild then that’s fine as long as they run it last you first.

Then if they don’t apologise, no Saturday

Dude, don't be a doormat. I mean, your dh is also being a doormat, but you can't control that. You can control your actions. So take action.

Tell them the present was hurtful. And while you're at it, tell your dh to get onside and to stick the fuck up for you.

@MrJollyLivesNextDoor

Your DH should be intervening here, asking them why they bought you such an insensitive gift.

He should also be letting them know that you are both offended by this, and he will not accept shoddy treatment of you

I would go out on Saturday, your DD will be fine with your DH...and if she plays up because you're not there, well good tough.

Absolutely this.

You should absolutely tell them that they have upset you and you don't want to see them on Saturday. It's a low blow at any time, but to make you feel so shit on your birthday is another level.

Fuck that. Look them dead in the eye and ask them outright why they thought buying scales was an acceptable gift. Don't let them squirm out of it or deflect. Make it painfully obvious to them that you're pissed off and will not accept any offensive, underhand, passive aggressive shit from them ever again from this point onwards.

Get your dh to call them out in their shit gift.

And go out Saturday- let your dh deal with them.

[quote Lsquiggles]@BrunetteBuns he was as stunned as me but doesn't think they did it in a malicious way [/quote]
Oh yes they did.

I Would cancel things this weekend and tell them you don't want to see them atm. DH can go and see them and take the scales back.

I wouldn't want to see them - I would return the gift and because I wouldn't trust myself I would send a card saying "I am sick and tired of your digs about my weight. I have a baby and I'm happy. Your digs are not pleasant and that doesn't make for nice company"

& consider a christmas present like this.
Google / amazon how to be a shitty friend and make enemies book.

Even more reason to keep your DD away from them -don't let your DD see people abusing you.

Next they will say you are "being emotional" or "too sensitive" arseholes!

Zelda

I think weighing them at the door is a brilliant idea. You love your new scales so much you just have to share.

The Saturday after your birthday should be spent in one of hte following ways:

1 - being taken out to dinner by your husband
2- curling up with a take away and Netflix
3 - going out with friends whilst DH babysits.

Nowhere on this list will you find hosting evil in-laws. Just no.

Some hilarious responses!
@TeddyIsaHe🤣
@Letsgetbizzy just...wow.

OP my mum recently gave me a copy of Trinny and Susanna's book 'What not to Wear '. Under the guise of 'it's very funny in places'.

A few months ago she popped over and kept saying 'wow, I can't believe how nice you look'. She also commented on it again a few days later, like it was a miracle.

More recently, my sister used one of those ageing apps to show me as an old hag, so naturally I was commenting on how gross I looked. My mum piped up 'well... you do have your good days' .

She also bought me a load of scented candles and air freshening reeds when I moved into a rented flat some years ago. There was a bit of a musty smell, but she didn't actually comment on it at all! Clearly enjoys a hint.

Scales though - that's on another level. Maybe a self help book of some sort for xmas?

he was as stunned as me but doesn't think they did it in a malicious way

This sounds like bullshit to me, who buys scales for a recent mother with a bit of baby weight left unless the woman explicitly asked for them? Unless he is genuinely that clueless he just wants to avoid an awkward conversation. He needs to find his stones and stop dumping the problem on you.

Go out on Saturday, leave DH to sort it out. Even if you just sit in a park and count trees.

FWIW my MiL used to plonk cottage cheese on the table for me when serving meals. Not only was I not overweight but for a protracted period had the opposite problem due to health.

Unless you had mentioned in their hearing that you needed a new set of bathroom scales, they are trying to make a point. No-one buys bathroom scales as a present unless specifically requested

At least you have something to add on those ‘worst presents’ threads.

My MIL bought me some size 6 PJs to ‘slim into’. DH thought she was being helpful, I pointed out I would have to start removing limbs etc to fit into a size 6. She also complained about every single piece of food I ate, I remember eating breakfast and her going on ‘oh are you stuffing your face again, I’d be the size of a house if I ate like you’. It was just a bowl of cereal.
Luckily they lived a long way away and I made very little effort, the more she went on, the less I made. Her loss.

This will be in the daily mail soon you can just see it coming.

Seriously though OP, let's start a lost of appropriate non-appropriate Christmas gifts you can get for them this year

I think you should put them by the front door, and ask them to step on every time they come visit you. Have a chart on the wall nearby. Cheeky fucks.

@Lsquiggles tell them you've got to cancel Saturday as you'll be at fat club

I know it's an overused Mumsnet line but you definitely also have a dh problem!

If my in laws had gifted me something so insulting dh would hand it back and tell them not to be so bloody rude to me!

When is dh's birthday? Get him a penis pump - the one designed to give you a bigger penis. Tell him no malice intended.
But tbh he is a big enough dick already not defending you....

I wouldn't play any games. I would send back the scales and say "I don't know how to not be offended by this present. Please do not come on Saturday."

Best response.