My in laws just gifted me scales for my birthday

[Lsquiggles]

It's my birthday and I feel absolutely shit after opening a present from my in laws... Fucking scales.

No matter how hard I've tried with them they've always made it clear they don't like me that much, this is just the lowest blow.

They're meant to come over on Saturday and I don't know how I'm meant to bite my tongue.

@vegansprinkle yeah I think that's what I plan to do now. I'm not going to let them make me feel small, they should be embarrassed they have to gift such a horrible gift to feel seen. Will be steering clear from now on, bastards

And don't answer the phone to them because that apology isn't worth the paper it's written on (metaphorically)

I'm not going to let them make me feel small

[Misses point wildly] I suspect that's quite the opposite of how they wanted you to feel.

I would also say to your DH that you're really disappointed that he didn't instinctively support you giving them back and that you had to make yourself the 'difficult' one in order for him to do the right thing. And that next time you expect him to proactively support you when he clearly knows something is wrong.

@backseatcookers

I would also say to your DH that you're really disappointed that he didn't instinctively support you giving them back and that you had to make yourself the 'difficult' one in order for him to do the right thing. And that next time you expect him to proactively support you when he clearly knows something is wrong.

I'd rephrase that because he has stepped up eventually and giving him grief when he's actually done it is unfair.

I'd say that I was hurt that he didn't seem to actively support me at first, but his listening to my feelings and doing it made me feel much better, knowing that in the future he'll have my back as I do his, and thank you.

Same principle, he feels that he's done something right and is appreciated for it, you get to tell him that it hurt, make clear (without ordering him around) that he is expected to back you up and he knows that you are there for him as well.

Yes that's probably more diplomatic than my suggestion to be fair @MitziK - I am so cross on OP's behalf I was struggling to be that nice

@backseatcookers

Yes that's probably more diplomatic than my suggestion to be fair *@MitziK* - I am so cross on OP's behalf I was struggling to be that nice

Thank you - I was told once that Diplomacy is the skill to tell people to go fuck themselves in a way that makes them do it whilst thanking you for your kind suggestion.

There's probably a better definition of it out there, but if the result is that OP's going to get more support instead of another row about why she's now having a go at him as well, all's good.

What cheek! I’m glad your DH stepped up, I won’t have scales around my children so would smash the gift 😂

Thank you - I was told once that Diplomacy is the skill to tell people to go fuck themselves in a way that makes them do it whilst thanking you for your kind suggestion.

I love that @MitziK I'm going to use that in future!

I still think @TeddyIsaHe had the best idea

Funnily enough OP, they will be very easy to describe to anyone, going forward.

"They are the type of people that would give the mother of their first grandchild a weighing scales for her birthday"......you really would've have to expand on that for them to get the picture!

Ime not seeing ils is very good for your mh...

My mother in law did exactly the same thing as ' she could see I had gained a few pounds'. My husband was furious and told her off. She has form for this kind of stuff. I laughed that off but have had a few tete a tetes over even ruder behaviour. She has improved since we reproduced. As the saying goes...you dont have a MIL problem you have a husband problem.

Well done op!!

I usually think context is really important. Some of people seem to come back from families where presents are a serious business and people ask for stuff and get stuff.

My dm either had no ££ or was distracted by disabled dB or just got things wrong. Her heart was utter gold and I've never set much store via gifts really. Getting a lovely one is a bonus.....

So if my dm gave you a dodgy gift, even scales... There would be no malis intended at all, whatever.
However, Mil spends a good part of her time buying gifts, sometimes lovley for a good cheap price... So with her it's a very clear signal if you don't get a nice gift because its almost like a job to her to buy presents.

It's very serious and important to her.
So context is imp.
Glad your dh said something to them though.

I've also had that faux eyes... Fake splutter...

We don't have see in laws now and corona is an extra blessing!!

"they said they didn't mean it in a mean way and they just noticed when they came round we don't have scales so thought it would be a good gift"

Yeah, there's always an excuse.

If you've never had or mentioned wanting any in all the time you've known them, it could be that you don't want any-radical, I know!

If it's a good gift-why didn't they give them to your husband??

[quote Lsquiggles]@billy1966 I'm inclined to agree actually! After years of passive aggressive shit from his parents, it's all crystal clear now. Won't be wasting anymore time or effort on them.[/quote]
In that case, consider that a good birthday gift for yourself. Knowledge is a precious gift.

Many years ago, my ex's grandmother died and my in-laws were utterly rude and awful to me at the funeral. I gave them one more chance and they were awful again, so I refused to speak to them or visit for several years after that and I think they were quite shocked that I wasn't prepared to put up with their bullying. I now have a sort of ok relationship with PIL, but still refuse to see SIL. They are dicks and I don't owe them anything.

How would they even know whether you had a bathroom scales or not? We keep ours in our en-suite, so my MIL wouldn't even know whether we had one (and wouldn't even ask). It's just so very inappropriate to give that as a present, and passive aggressive.

@justilou1

Is DH okay about your request to give this back? A lot of DH's are spineless like this. (if he is he gets gold star)

Why does he have to be okay and wtf is it with the gold star?.

@Mittens030869

How would they even know whether you had a bathroom scales or not? We keep ours in our en-suite, so my MIL wouldn't even know whether we had one (and wouldn't even ask). It's just so very inappropriate to give that as a present, and passive aggressive.

Mine are in my bedroom. I’d totally lose my shit if any visitor to my house wandered in there!

When they phone to utter their nonapology, I'd be tempted to say, 'you know, I always try not to ascribe to malice, that which could be ascribed to utter stupidity. However, I fail to see how you could have been that stupid. Oh dear, there goes the oven timer for that lovely dessert I'm making for the meal DH and I will be enjoying with DD on Saturday. Must go. Ta-ta'.

If they are just bog-standard scales, then, yes, I would take an offence, but if they are some upscale, high tech, measuring your fat/pulse/heart- not so much.

@swampytiggaa Exactly. The explanation is complete bullshit. The OP may have scales in a discreet location. And if she wants to have bathroom scales, she'll get some herself.

I just can't believe the nerve of this MIL. My DM makes ill advised comments about my body shape sometimes but I can't imagine even her buying bathroom scales!!

I mean as a present of course.

My late MIL would do that sort of thing, I never let it bother me as either she was just clueless and no point picking a fight or she was nasty and I wasn't going to let her see it upset me. I drew the line when she asked me if having my husband circumcised as a baby had caused any problems in our sex lives. My two teenage sons nearly exploded trying to contain their laughter, I wasn't amused as I can't see how anyone could think that was appropriate.

Have they been over today to apologise to you @Lsquiggles? Has your DH given them back the scales and what did they say? Were you there when they showed up and how did you deal with it?