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AIBU?

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Original poster

My in laws just gifted me scales for my birthday

422 replies

Lsquiggles · 11/08/2020 10:51

It's my birthday and I feel absolutely shit after opening a present from my in laws... Fucking scales.

No matter how hard I've tried with them they've always made it clear they don't like me that much, this is just the lowest blow.

They're meant to come over on Saturday and I don't know how I'm meant to bite my tongue.

OP posts:
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draughtycatflap · 11/08/2020 11:32

Do they have an immaculate garden? Buy them something hideous like those brightly coloured oversized gnomes. Then add to it every year.

Ohtherewearethen · 11/08/2020 11:34

If they do still come to your house I wouldn't even speak to them. I'd make it obvious their horrible present was in the bin and just walk out of the house with the baby as soon as they arrive. Your husband should be more worried about them being rude to you than you being rude back to them.

badacorn · 11/08/2020 11:34

My grandparents were similarly nasty to my mother (I saw some of this myself, I heard accounts from other relatives) and that’s why I didn’t see them very often. I don’t blame my mum at all. They mellowed out at the end when they realised they only had a few years left and being a nasty cunt was no longer entertainment, it just made them more lonely.

I’d send their “gift” back with a note to say they are not welcome in my house. I’d phone them to make sure they got the message too. I don’t see another way to end this drama or resolve this without losing your dignity. Forget asking them why they did it, they fucking knew why, they probably had a good old chuckle wrapping it up imagining your reaction when you opened it.

desertcoffeeyoga · 11/08/2020 11:34

Awful - no excuse !

SerenityNowwwww · 11/08/2020 11:34

Or a large pile of horse manure. In this heat it will be lovely.

Cavagirl · 11/08/2020 11:36

This is so outrageously rude it's almost funny!! OMG!!!

OP how did you receive the gift? Can you totally ignore it and then if they ask whether you got it, just claim never to have received anything, and innocently ask "oh what a shame, what did you get me?" and make them squirm?!

Unfortunately I think having a big reaction is probably playing into their hands, I would play smart and gradually reduce contact over time rather than make a big scene. You won't get an apology, they will never change. Better to laugh at what rude dickheads they are and give the scales to charity or something if you can't exchange them. A shame your DP doesn't understand what they are clearly up to!!

Osirus · 11/08/2020 11:38

It’s offensive because you know there can only be one thing going through their minds when they decided they should give you scales for your birthday. I can’t see any other way of looking at it.

You must feel very wretched today OP. Flowers

tiredanddangerous · 11/08/2020 11:39

Full your bath with water, dump the scales in the bath, take a photo and send it to mil. Oh gosh look how clumsy you are.

Osirus · 11/08/2020 11:39

Happy birthday! And I hope you do something that makes the day special for you. Put those pricks out of your mind.

IncrediblySadToo · 11/08/2020 11:40

@Lsquiggles

I'd happily never see them again as any time spent with them in painful at best but our daughter is their only grandchild so they crop up every month or so to pretend they care Hmm
Why would you want them in your daughters life?

So, what did DH say when you said 'Nit malicious? Why else would someone give somebody bathroom scales for their birthday?!'

Don't let him wriggle out of explaining that one.

Tell him either he j invites them on Saturday, or you will & if you have to, it will NOT be politely!

Honestly. Been there- done that with nasty bastard in-laws & the sooner you put your foot down with DH the better. Make it clear YOU have no intention of seeing them again & they're NOT welcome in your home.

Yes, it's his house too, but you shouldn't have to put up with nasty people in your HOME. HE can visit them, if he must, but DD stays home with you.

Trust me, the longer you seethe quietly or TRY to win them over, the worse it'll get.

draughtycatflap · 11/08/2020 11:40

Re-gift it back, with fancy wrapping and a nice big bow for Christmas day. Then when she breezes through the door smash her in the face with it. 😬

lyralalala · 11/08/2020 11:41

@Lsquiggles

I'd happily go out and leave them to it but my daughter gets upset when they're here because she doesn't know who they are as they hardly see her Envy < not envy
Your DH can deal with it surely?

If he can't, then between that and his blindness to his problem then you have an age-old MN problem - your DH

SRS29 · 11/08/2020 11:41

@TeddyIsaHe

What knobs! I’d get them a burial plot for Christmas.
This! Grin
WonderWebbs · 11/08/2020 11:41

Your ILS are really mean. No one would ever buy a female this gift unless you had mentioned it, ie techy scales that you would love but can't afford.

Either your DH has to say something to his DP's or you do if they come over at the weekend. If you don't make a stand now you will have years of this shit.

k1233 · 11/08/2020 11:42

I'd rewrap and regift to them for Christmas.

MyOwnSummer · 11/08/2020 11:43

Wow, I thought my MIL was the gold standard for offensive gifts. This is another level. They are beyond diamond and platinum level. Flowers

The key here is your DH. He is copping out by not seeing the malice, of course he bloody well understands but is choosing not to because he doesn't want to deal with the fallout. That's where you need to focus your attention - make him understand, and if he won't get on board then like PP have said, bail out on Saturday and leave him to deal with it. Don't cook for them, don't be there, don't lift a damn finger - unless its to leave a pre-prepared plate of salad in the fridge maybe!

KaleJuicer · 11/08/2020 11:43

Totally grasping at straws here...are they incredibly fancy electronic scales - like the Fitbit one - that link to your fancy fitness watch. And you asked for them? If not....what a horrible present!!!!!

ChicCroissant · 11/08/2020 11:44

I am also wondering if they were kitchen scales or bathroom scales.

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 11/08/2020 11:45

Wrinkle cream and support stockings in their Xmas baskets I hope!

Can you find out where they're from and return them, some can be quite pricey so might be able to get yourself a nice treat. I absolutely would ask them for the receipt and make it clear you're exchanging them.

Lottiebugz22 · 11/08/2020 11:45

Gosh what absolute bastards! Do not let them come over or ever again for that matter. They're pathetic, horrible people. You don't need this toxic negativity in your life. One life. Live it as happily as you can. Might seems extreme hut you've already said they're negative towards you in general. You don't need this shit.

ThatsBullshirt · 11/08/2020 11:45

So rude! My in-laws have never commented on my weight (which has definitely gone up since having my kids) but MIL is forever asking DH "what are you going to do about that?" in terms of the weight he's gained too. He used to be super active but with an ankle and hip injury, full-time work and two kids he isn't any more. He isn't hugely overweight or anything. He just doesn't live up to her ideals of the right weight or size. It upset him and me a lot to hear her talk that way (and I wish I'd said something to shut her down) but then DH realised it was her problem and her screwed up perception of body image and really it had nothing to do with him.

We don't have scales in our house and I refuse to have them. I haven't been weighed for two years since the night before my induction with my son. I won't be weighing myself again either unless medically required. I've no need to worry or obsess over that number.

I think it might help you to feel a bit better of you think of it like that. It's their issue and not yours. Who cares if you've gained weight? Who cares if you want to/don't really want to do much about it? Who cares if you don't want to weigh yourself? Honestly, I'd give them back to them when you see them or throw them in the bin. Pay no attention to it.

timetest · 11/08/2020 11:46

Next birthday, buy them some Tena pants and say you know how much they appreciate thoughtful gifts.

LauraMipsum · 11/08/2020 11:46

@Lsquiggles

I'd happily go out and leave them to it but my daughter gets upset when they're here because she doesn't know who they are as they hardly see her Envy < not envy
I think your DH needs to ask them why they bought the scales and not let them off with a weak "oh we thought she'd like them." Sure, but WHY did you think Squiggles would like scales?

Your daughter will be with your DH. He's also her parent and while it may be you who's always done the soothing, he's presumably competent to parent his own child for a couple of hours while entertaining his parents.

Cheeseandwin5 · 11/08/2020 11:46

Sorry OP but that did make me chuckle,
I suggest you give them pamphlets about cremations and show them the discounts available if they are used within 6 months

howfarwevecome · 11/08/2020 11:47

he was as stunned as me but doesn't think they did it in a malicious way

Bollocks. Of course it was malicious, and I'm sure he can't think of a perfectly acceptable reason they gave you a scale out of the blue at this time in your life.

Tell him he tells them how inappropriate/insensitive/fucking rude ... makes the point with them about the 'gift' ... and that they'll have to apologize or stop visiting.