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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I've met 'the one' after 3 weeks?

161 replies

NorthernGal9 · 10/08/2020 19:18

I don't know if I necessarily believe in the idea of 'the one' but didn't know how else to phrase it.

Met just over three weeks ago in a pub. Talked all night til 6 in the morning. Seen each other every free minute since. I feel like we both just know.

I've had some utterly horrific experiences in the past and this is so so different. It's like my gut knew as soon as I saw him. He's incredible. I'm just so happy.

Anyone else experienced something this? I didn't even know it was possible to feel this way. It took me a year last time I was with someone to even feel about one-tenth of how I feel now. Eeeeek!

OP posts:

Oncemorewithfeelin · 11/08/2020 03:17

Yup we both knew within the first few weeks and have been together for 15 years.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/08/2020 06:26

My dh says he knew with 5 weeks that he wanted to marry me but didn't tell me as he thought it would scare me.
We were engaged within 5 months. We've now been married for 26 years.
However, we had been friends for a while before going out together which makes a difference.
I wouldn't make any major decisions after 3 weeks, but enjoy it.

Thepilotlightsgoneout · 11/08/2020 07:17

Good God, DO NOT listen to all these happy stories. For all of these, there’d be another ten that ended badly.

Enjoy it and go with the flow but do not do anything stupid like get married or pregnant yet. Just enjoy each other’s company.

Oncemorewithfeelin · 11/08/2020 08:57

@Thepilotlightsgoneout

Good God, DO NOT listen to all these happy stories. For all of these, there’d be another ten that ended badly.

Enjoy it and go with the flow but do not do anything stupid like get married or pregnant yet. Just enjoy each other’s company.

I agree, everything worked out great for me, but we didn’t do anything drastic like jump into marriage or get pregnant.

chubbyhotchoc · 11/08/2020 09:05

@1Morewineplease who's denying her happiness? If he's really genuine he'll stick around without her spending every waking moment with someone who is essentially a stranger. Getting divorced after twenty years is awful yes but young women consistently getting humped and dumped is extremely damaging to self esteem and causes all sorts of emotional issues that make it even harder to forge a healthy relationship when someone genuine does come along.

Isis1981uk · 11/08/2020 09:38

I had this with my partner - of course I know a lot of it was probably hormones, but it was still different than with every other person I'd been with, including my ex-husband of 9 years. I never believed in soulmates or 'the one' until I met my current partner, but our first date was just fireworks and so ridiculously easy - in the cab on the way home we were already discussing what we were going to do for my 40th in 2 years time. It wasn't love at first sight, but we both knew after that first date we were going to fall in love. In fact, he messaged me straight after the date to tell me we had 'long term written all over us' and he's normally not that emotional! Three weeks later we had told each other we loved each other, and have been happily together almost 2 years now. On a logical level, it's infatuation rather than love after 3 weeks, but who cares? Sometimes when you first say 'I love you' what you're actually saying is 'I know I'm falling in love with you'.

KenDodd · 11/08/2020 09:41

Good God, DO NOT listen to all these happy stories

Apart from the one about my dog. That was love at first sight as well :)

SerenDippitty · 11/08/2020 09:53

@chubbyhotchoc

All these posters saying they met and fell in love after a few dates and now live happily ever after are a bit irresponsible. It's like saying I crossed the road once without looking and I got to the other side fine. Giving vulnerable women the green light to be reckless in their love lives can be very damaging.

I also think there’s a bit of confirmation bias going on. If you meet someone and form a successful long term relationship you do tend to invest your first meeting with more significance than it may really have had at the time.

I met my DH through a shared interest. We knew each other socially for a while before starting to date. Then we were engaged in three months, married a year after that, married 30 years this year.

Eemamc · 11/08/2020 10:05

I knew when I first started going out with my now husband. It was just different. I still wouldn’t rush though, but it’s good to have those feelings.... hubby and I moved in together after 6 months (I probably wouldn’t have moved in together that quickly, but circumstances made it the most sensible option at the time... and it obviously worked out) bought a flat at 18 months, engaged at 2 years, married at 3 years, baby 1 at 4 years then baby 2 at 7 years. Good luck!

chubbyhotchoc · 11/08/2020 10:11

@SerenDippitty yup. Also a lot of posters are talking about relationships forged ten years ago. The landscape of dating has changed very much even in the last five. I know the op didn't meet the guy online but that doesn't mean he isn't using or hadn't used OLD. OLD apps offer easy access to a veritable buffet of choices and easy sex for men that were not so readily available a decade ago. Women should be a lot more cautious with their hearts and their bodies if they're looking for old fashioned romance.

Bells3032 · 11/08/2020 10:12

After 17 days and just 4 dates with someone I told my father i was gonna marry this guy. I had never said anything like that before. My father met him 6 weeks later and told me i was right. 11 months later we were engaged. We've now been married a year and i have not had a moment of doubt it was the right decision. it hasn't always been romance and roses but we are a team and we face the world together.

But it runs in the family.

On the night he met my mother my father wrote to his sister abroad, she still has the letter, that he's met the woman he's going to marry. they were together for 32 years before we lost my mum. When she was sick she told me how lucky she felt to have married him and she'd have done it again every day of her life.

What i would say is that its ok to have a feeling something right but don't make any commitments until the initial honeymoon phase is over and you've faced some bad times together.

itsaratrap · 11/08/2020 10:14

We both knew pretty much instantly, over 35 happy years ago.

It happens.

DodgeRainClouds · 11/08/2020 10:14

I felt like this about my husband when I first met him. We have been together 17 years and married for 10. However I didn’t let him know! I kept my cards close to my chest and enjoyed the ride. Don’t jump in with both feet as it can go either way to be honest.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 11/08/2020 10:20

We met in the June, officially moved in together in the Oct. Engaged in Feb, married in Nov. 5 years and 2 kids later we're best friends

ColdOopNorth · 11/08/2020 10:25

Awe, just enjoy it and see where it leads - you might find out he is a total knob in a few months or he might, indeed, be 'the one' (I don't really believe in 'the one' but it is certainly my experience that sometimes you really connect with someone and are both attracted and this bodes well). Try not to invest too much and start planning your future yet, give it a year as someone else said and still see how you both feel then. Just a thought - how if your self esteem? If you have had bad relationships in the past might be worth considering as I myself suffer low esteem and found I was over investing in relationships at the beginning... Good Luck with it all x

BarefootHippieChick · 11/08/2020 10:27

I knew the night I met my dh. He was just so different to anyone I'd dated before. Moved in together after 8 weeks and still here 20 years later.

janetmendoza · 11/08/2020 10:40

Planned to marry dh before I had even spoken to him when he turned up as a fringe member of a social group. Now been together 31 years, married for 27. No regrets I made the right choice.

GladAllOver · 11/08/2020 10:42

My friends kept pestering me to meet a guy who they said was just right for me. I was very busy at the time and not looking for a relationship. Eventually just to shut them up I agreed to meet him just for a drink. Waiting for him, this amazing guy walked in and introduced himself. We talked and talked until the bar closed and yes, that was it. Been together ever since.

gingerbiscuits · 11/08/2020 10:44

My husband & I 'knew' within weeks, too -been together 18.5yrs & married for 17 of those!

We met at Christmas & were living together by Easter - mortgage, joint bank account etc. Friends & family were a bit worried about the speed, but we just knew - the timing was right for both of us & we weren't naive young kids - we went into it with our eyes wide open.

I'd say follow your heart but make sure you're protected until you're 100% sure - times are a bit different now. (ie, keep somewhere to live & some finances of your own etc.)

AryaStarkWolf · 11/08/2020 10:48

I definitely had that experience with my DH and we're together 17 years but I wouldn't say I believe in "the one" all the same.

Iseethesilverlining · 11/08/2020 10:49

Met my DH at 18. Knew he was the one straightaway. Got married at 21, just celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary. It can happen!

rc22 · 11/08/2020 10:51

It can happen but no harm in taking things easy. Just enjoy his company for now and see how things go.

BertieBassettsBits · 11/08/2020 10:56

I knew he was the one , married for over 30 years now. Enjoy it for what it is. We never know what's round the corner

Shufflebumnessie · 11/08/2020 10:58

The night I met DH I knew there was something very different between us compared with previous relationships (he says he felt the same too). We've now been together 18 years, married for nearly 13 with 2 children.
We have a wonderful life together and our relationship continues to grow stronger every day.

ThighthighOfthigh · 11/08/2020 11:00

@Gubbeen

I had exactly the same! It was awful to realise I had essentially been having a relationship with myself. It's really difficult to guard against a chameleon.

My Mum always said - know a man in all seasons (a year) before making any important decisions about him.

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