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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I've met 'the one' after 3 weeks?

161 replies

NorthernGal9 · 10/08/2020 19:18

I don't know if I necessarily believe in the idea of 'the one' but didn't know how else to phrase it.

Met just over three weeks ago in a pub. Talked all night til 6 in the morning. Seen each other every free minute since. I feel like we both just know.

I've had some utterly horrific experiences in the past and this is so so different. It's like my gut knew as soon as I saw him. He's incredible. I'm just so happy. Smile

Anyone else experienced something this? I didn't even know it was possible to feel this way. It took me a year last time I was with someone to even feel about one-tenth of how I feel now. Eeeeek!

OP posts:
ruabon · 10/08/2020 19:58

Quite possibly you have but please take some things slowly just in case.

Gubbeen · 10/08/2020 19:58

Everyone 'knows' until they stop knowing/get the ick/get bored/realise he has a pregnant girlfriend/figure out that while he's great, he's moving to Bogota in eight weeks etc etc.

And you'll get a disproportionate number of (currently) happy endings on this thread, whereas in fact some kind of mass survey would pull up huge numbers of people who knew they'd met 'the one', but are no longer in that relationship for various reasons. Very few people marry without feeling sure and happy in their choice.

Yes, it's perfectly possible you have met someone you can happily spend your life with and I hope so! but it's also perfectly possibly you're in a blissful oxytocin and dopamine-fuelled fug and can't yet judge.

I was thinking about this recently because I came across detailed diaries of the beginning of a long-past relationship. I am not a gullible or inexperienced person, and I was absolutely certain I had met the love of my life. We never stopped talking, the sex was wonderful, he was attractive, clever, kind, endlessly interesting etc etc. It was like recognising someone I'd loved in another life. Yadda yadda. But actually, after the initial glow dimmed slightly a year in, I realised he was a fundamentally weak, passive man I'd projected my own sparkle onto. All his significant relationships had been with clever, successful, lively women who had initiated things and eventually realised that, outside the context of their relationship, he was a man with no interests, friends, passions -- he borrowed them all from whoever he was with.

I am genuinely absolutely horrified by those diaries now. I was so fundamentally wrong about him.

Madre1972 · 10/08/2020 20:00

We had this. 17 years later I’d choose him all over again in a heart beat.

StormBaby · 10/08/2020 20:02

I would’ve married my DH the day I met him if I could have and he would say the same. He was 100% lovebombing me and I loved every second of it and he’s still as romantic and affectionate and emotionally open now as he was back then. It’s not always a red flag.

AntiHop · 10/08/2020 20:02

Dp and I knew we were each other's "one" within a few weeks. We moved in together not long after. That was over a decade and a half ago!

Animum2 · 10/08/2020 20:04

I met the one and knew straight away, been married nearly 3 years and together for almost 5, I asked him out and was the best question I asked anybody ever :)

Crankley · 10/08/2020 20:04

A friend answered an ad in the local paper's Lonely Hearts column. He called her the following day, they met on Thursday, he moved in with her on the Sunday and they have been married 25 years this year.

I guess it can happen but I would say that was a rarity.

tmh88 · 10/08/2020 20:06

Met my fiancé 7 years ago and literally haven’t had a night apart since! You do just find “the one” sometimes! Never felt like that before!

Gatehouse77 · 10/08/2020 20:08

DH and I knew after a couple of weeks but it was 3 years before we got married (which included living together for 14 months) due to work/study circumstances. However, neither of us would have done it sooner.

Going on holiday and living together we’re big ‘tests’ to see if we would work long term. Not that we actively sought out test scenarios or approached them like that but it showed up where we needed to tweak aspects of our relationship.

chubbyhotchoc · 10/08/2020 20:11

Seeing each other every day is too often a mistake in the early days. You'd be better off pacing it. Men usually want to see you every day to get to the sex quicker. Of course you do get the odd miracle but more often than not it'll just burn itself out.

LadyCatStark · 10/08/2020 20:12

I say proceed with caution. Of course it can happen but it can be love bombing. I’m sorry to counteract all the lovely stories but my SIL met “the one”. Without going into outing levels of detail, everything moved predictably quickly until he knocked her out in public...

LordOfTheOnionRings · 10/08/2020 20:13

Met my love on Tinder. After the first date I knew, moved in after three weeks. Three years, one engagement and one baby later we are still happy as ever.

I had been single four years previously and wasn't bothered about a relationship but I met him and BAM.

StCharlotte · 10/08/2020 20:13

Engaged in four weeks, married in six months. 21st wedding anniversary coming up.

It can happen OP Smile

fantasmasgoria1 · 10/08/2020 20:15

Said we loved each other on date 2 which was two days after the first. Moved in together after two months, engaged after 5 months and we have been together almost 4 years now. We were going to get married this year but it will be next year now.

blacktop · 10/08/2020 20:16

Every single part of me as an adult in their 40's tells me that you should be careful, watch out for red flags etc etc but the truth is I encountered my DH one day in a work related situation and knew we would be together. It was a few years later we met in a pub by accident and literally talked about marriage that night. 3 months later we were married. 20 years later still going strong

TeaOneSugar · 10/08/2020 20:19

I knew within 5 minutes of meeting DP, nearly two years later we're still very happy, that said any relationship can go wrong at any point. I was happily married for 12 years (with my ex for 26 years all together) until he cheated. In all relationships you have to hope for the best and plan for the worst, he may very well be the one, no one knows.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 10/08/2020 20:19

My now DH was a one night stand. That lead into a year long friendship before we admitted the feelings there from Day 1. Day1 was 15 years ago, married for 10.
4 friends started relationships at similar times. We all felt the same... One is happily married to the same guy. Two married to different guys. One still looking.

Budapestpest · 10/08/2020 20:20

All these success stories are lovely and congratulations to you all!
Flip side though, one of my friends said she’d found the one very quickly and they were married within a few months of meeting. Filed for divorce less than 6 months into the marriage.

Sunrise234 · 10/08/2020 20:21

No not at all.

For every one person who says yes we moved in straight away and have been in love ever since, there are thousands of others who it hasn’t worked out for.

Just enjoy it for what it is now and don’t push it too quickly. If it ends then you know it wasn’t meant to be and if it lasts then you can look back and remember how you wrote this thread and you were proven right Grin

CharDee · 10/08/2020 20:21

Ah this sounds lovely 😊

I met DH through my brother when I went to visit him and I literally knew after 20 minutes that he was "the one" which is something I never even believed in. We spent the whole afternoon and night talking and laughing and even though I really fancied him I wasn't even thinking about making a move, I just loved spending time with him. I remember saying to my brother that Dh was nice and my brother just laughing and saying "You're going to marry him aren't you?!"

My friend didn't have a phone at the time and I used my brothers laptop to email her later that night to say I'd met someone and I know it sounded really strange but I thought I was meant to be with him and that he was the one! She kept the email and printed it off and put it in a frame when we got married Grin

He had a girlfriend so I obviously didn't act on it but a few weeks later they broke up (she was cheating on him) and that night he text me asking me out.

minnieok · 10/08/2020 20:22

Happened to me, I knew after meeting for a walk and pub meal. Living together now

Wecandothis99 · 10/08/2020 20:22

Ahh I'm so glad there are only two negative nellies so far on this thread! It's lovely :-). I really hope this works out for you OP

Annasgirl · 10/08/2020 20:23

Well it happened to my friend - he was the least romantic person ever, met his wife and 3 days later knew that was it. Proposed after 3 weeks. They didn't tell anyone until they were dating for 6 months. Married after 12 months, baby 9 months later, still married after 21 years.

They met aged 30.

chubbyhotchoc · 10/08/2020 20:23

I would like to see a counter post to this along the lines of 'Have you ever met a man that made you feel like a queen only for him to drop off the face of the earth?'. You have to hope for the best in dating but protect yourself from the worst which it doesn't sound like you're doing at all. My dh I had a good feeling about by our third date but he still only got to see me once a week until we decided marriage was on the cards. Then he got two dates a week Grin

romeolovedjulliet · 10/08/2020 20:24

i knew dh was the one first night we met and have now been together 20 years married 19, 3rd marriage for both of us. we're still honeymooning Blush

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